When The Love Falls

The Hints

Early morning the next day, I woke up with Cate beside me. I was a bit shocked of what I saw-maybe I was too drunk to even notice the things happen to me. From the pool area to how I got into my room. Let's just leave it there.
And so, in just a moment, Cate woke up to.
"Hi" she greeted
"Hey" I returned
"How are you? Headache or something?"
"No. no, I'm OK, Cate. thanks!"
She pointed my phone that was placed atop of the drawer beside the bed.
"What?" I asked.
"Your messenger?"
"Hhhmmm?"
"It.. it kept buzzing the whole midnight"
"Really? you checked it?"
"No. It's not my phone" Cate smiled.

I grabbed my phone and checked my messenger. shoooot! Like, 24 messages from Ivan. what the hell? I didn't want to but I had to, so I checked all the messages.
He wanted to talk to me-he wanted to know what was wrong because I suddenly stopped talking to him. which I knew for certain gave him a reason to worry.
"It's nothing" I told Cate
"Don't fool me. It can't be nothing" she winked and finally sat.
"Do you guys have sex at times?" I asked her frankly
"Yeah? Thrice a month?"
"Why?"
"Why?" She laughed "coz it's needed. the contract, remember?"
"But you don't love each other. how could you?"
"You're too young. You won't understand a thing" she chuckled. "I gotta fight for myself and if I don't do that, I would get killed. literally and figuratively" she added
"No!" I shouted "you don't just do what they want! If they want something from you, then do it. But you gotta equate it with something you deserve or something that is beneficial for you. You don't just let them receive what you can give. Make them work as well!"

I was so aggressive that I couldn't even stopped myself. I burst. I felt my heart almost exploded.
"The contract is not always just! A lot of times, you have to be wise coz it's tricky! It will catch you if you take the bait. Now, if you got caught and they ask for your explanation, tell them to give you an explanation first regarding that bullshit tradition so you can also give them a reason why you did that so. Get it?"
"Yeah. my goodness! You just spoke like a woman and not a lady" she chuckled as if I were making fun.
"And that is how you protect yourself" I ended.

I shut the door and went to the kitchen to have some drink. I was so intense earlier and my throat ached. Mum came to me.
"You having fun with Cate?"
"Yeah?" I shrugged. "Can I ask you something?"
Mum looked at me with her arms across each other.
"why do you guys want me to get married as soon as possible? I mean Bella got married at 19, Cate got married before she turned 19. And me...?"
"Bubba, I told you about it so many times. Didn't I? OK, first is their company badly needs us and second, he badly likes you. So we thought, instead of looking for another guy, why not him?"
"That's it. Because he badly like me?"
"Yeah? Go take a shower dear. You stink!" She laughed and went out of the kitchen.

"I need to see you now. At Devon Dream" I messaged Ivan when our relatives together with my parents went to our ancestral house near Blue Mountains. He replied and agreed to meet me at 4 pm. I hurried and left the house an hour after I texted him. Instead of asking our driver or Stacey's, I've decided to just catch a taxi on my way there.
He was waiting for me when I saw him from the cab. He had pink tulips on his hands. I paid the cab and went out. And before entering the cafe, I took a deep breath and pressed my fist. I was ready for the fight.
"Hey" he welcomed. I slapped him. I wasn't in control then. I mean, it was not my intention. I came there to talk to him and that's all but my hand seemed to know how badly I feel on that very day and so, that's what happened.
"Listen to me, you will not show on that day. Remember the original plan? Let's go back in there. OK?"
"I don't understand, Bea! What's wrong?
"I don't love you Ivan! Don't you see? I won't trade myself for a million bucks!"
He eyed me- a look that shut me up for that very moment. I tried to say more but I was too hesitant to even utter a word. I didn't understand what was happening to me. I felt ashamed of what I did to a guy who doesn't even deserve to be slapped; to a man who's not informed of the reason why I was acting such way.

He walked towards the empty lot of the spa. No people around, such a good place for a private talk.
"I've always wanted you to know the things and events around you so you can understand why people act the way they do. But that wish is only just a dream . I can't even make it possible!" His voice was very low and sincere. And in my opinion, I could say that he really wanted me to know-it's just that I can't for some reasons.
"We've only have a few more days..."
"Few more days to plan the escape" I finally said.
He looked at my eyes directly. "Many things you don't know" he said.
"And you do? Tell me then those things that I need to know. Coz I feel like a shit. An etcetera in my own family. You got what I mean?" I insisted. All I wanted to happen was to know what he knows. I heard a lot of things yet, those eavesdrops didn't make issues any clearer for me to understand.
"Yeah. Almost everything."
"Tell me, Ivan. I beg you"
He came closer to my right ear and whispered,"after the whole wedding event thing? I will tell you. Everything you need and want to know. I promise."
"You're going to tell me anyway, then why not now?"
"Because I know that these things will hurt you. Let's just say that I want to be on your side to comfort you by the time you hear the said issues. And soon, I will be."
I sighed and looked hopeless. Painful it was to know that those people you trusted were the ones who will betray you. But what was even more painful is to know that the least person you expected to care for you, was actually the one who did more than your own family.

No matter how much I insisted, he really wouldn't tell me. I wanted to convince myself that everything would be fine but it was too tough for me. I heard about my parents' plan of going back to China. I heard that they want Ivan and I to have a child soonest. I also heard that after this semester, I would stop attending school and just stay at the apartment (where Ivan and I will live) instead. All I wanted is an explanation about these things. Don't I deserve it? Am I too stupid to understand what they're going through?

"Get in the car" he came in front of me with his car. I thought he was away and so this made me shocked!
"I can go alone"
Naah. Will send you home"
"Won't be home yet"
"Anywhere you want! Come?" He opened the door for me, whatelse would I do?

"Why not?" He asked me why I didn't wanna go home yet.
"Hypocrisy hater?" I chuckled.
"What yah mean?"
"Can't act as if I didn't get a clue from someone." what I meant was a clue that my family is in trouble.
"Never bothered to ask your parents, uh?" He glanced at me.
"You didn't give me a closer hint. So what do I expect from them?" I darted him a look and all of a sudden, I laughed. A fake one.

We drove around the place and just did nothing. A little talk, laugh, awkward nothing, that's all! I mean, I didn't know how to act and where to place myself- in a comfty side or in a careful one? For everyone's sake, I chose to be silent unless he was the one to talk to me. And afterwards, he finally sent me home. And that was the end of my long day.