This will be a sad one, javon x f!reader, eminems daughter, tw! Eating disorder (Bulimia AND anorexia), cyber bullying, body shaming, mention of death, starving to death
Might be confusing but bold is "future", this is past as always and this is the present~
Javon pics up your phone. It's been 5 days since you've left and he still hasn't read the goodbye letter, even thought he knew that you wrote one. He was too scared and in his mind too weak. He misses you a lot.
You try not to read all the hate comments under your new TikTok post with Javon, but you couldn't help yourself. 'Idk why javon is dating her, she's a fat pig' was one of the top comments, which directly made you tear up. You hated it, but you still read them. The little voice in your head always wins. You know that those comments trigger you into starving yourself again. Your father, Marshall, who was also known under Eminem, was in the studios again and your mother Kim was out of the picture. You sigh and throw your phone away, trying to clear your thoughts and you try everything to not binge.
You feel the desire for chocolate, doesn't matter which, just chocolate. The sweet taste on your tongue and the feeling of the slow melting on your tongue. ,Okay, stop!' You tell yourself and surprisingly it worked for the first time. You don't know if it's the hate comments, which constantly body shame you, saying that you're too fat, or too thin, or the new messages in your ana group is, which stops you from your binge, but you're thankful anyways, not feeling like you have enough energy and strength to purge everything out again.
The vibration of your Apple Watch interrupts your thoughts, a new message from Javon, who's name is saved as 'pretty boy'. He was your everything and you were pretty sure that you'd be dead long time ago if it wasn't for him.
You were at a random boxing fight, which your father made you attend, since he was playing life music and you haven't seen each other in ages. He was worried about you, seeing how thin you've gotten.
Even a blind person could see, that you didn't want to be there. You loved sports, especially boxing but you hadn't got the energy to actually concentrate on the fight, you were completely overwhelmed but nobody cared. You always felt like nobody cared until you've met him, only a few hours later
You were at the after party. Someone named 'Wanna' apparently won, but you were too focused on your phone, looking up some thinspo to actual notice. There was everywhere food, but even just the smell of it made you wanna throw up.
Back then you surprisingly "just" had anorexia, you just had a problem with eating and you did way too much sports for your calorie intake, but nobody cared. They all were happy that you lost some weight. You used to be chubby, so everyone was happy for you to loose some weight.
A simple "hi" interrupted your thoughts and you looked up, seeing the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen. "Uh hi" you quickly turn your phone off. "Who are you?" The boy asked. He didn't ask in a wired and unfriendly way, he asked in an actual nice tone, like he was really interested, which you really couldn't understand but you've accepted the fact gladly even though your brain told you not to.
"I'm y/n, what about you?" He nods, taking your words in. "It's a really nice name, but do you always go to fights without actually knowing who is fighting?"
Since then, you've been talking on a daily basis. You've started dating after a few weeks and now you've been in a real relationship for 9 months. It wasn't always that easy, especially since he quickly caught up on your eating habits. Even if he just wanted to help he just made things unintentionally worse.
His constant controlling wether you've eating enough made you throwing up after every single meal, but he didn't notice, and it wasn't his fault at all. It was the fault of those little kids, who just comment things without realising what harm they can do with their words. But you don't care.
You were actually happy about them. You are happy that they trigger you into starving yourself even longer. You've actually were very happy, when you saw your pictures on tumblr when you searched thinspo. It made you feel actually wanted in a long time which you really appreciated.
Javon didn't noticed that you were getting worse and worse, how should he? He was on the other side of the country, shooting the new season of euphoria and you were happy for him, knowing that he enjoys shooting and filming, just like you enjoy starving yourself.
Quickly you got some real health issues, but they've only motivated you to continue, to get even skinnier. You started to write goodbye letters to everyone you loved, just in case that you die, everyone should know how much they meant to you. You wrote one to your Dad, to Hailie, to Lainey, to Stevie and of course to Javon.
It was like you knew that your time is coming to an end and you didn't care. Every day was a core for you, your joints were hurting with every single move you did, your hair fell out, you could bend your fingernails easily, you couldn't even swallow probably, the constant throwing up completely destroyed your body and it still wasn't enough for everyone on social media. You were just too tired.
Javon unlocks your phone with shaking hands, he felt guilty for not catching every single sing of your quick but painful dead. Your homescreen makes his heart shatter into millions of pieces. It was a photo of the both of yours and you had Daelo on your arm. All of you smiled into the camera.
It was your 16 birthday, your last birthday on earth and Javon still couldn't realise it. You were gone forever. He swallows and opens your notes app. Seeing a note with his name and a heart.
Hello pretty boy<3
If you read this, it's probably already too late, but please don't feel bad for me. I'm finally happy. I want you to know that it's not your fault, you did nothing wrong. You were my moon in the night and my sun in the day, I love you more than anything else, please don't forget that but also please move on and be happy. You deserve nothing else than a happy and healthy relationship. You were the love of my life but I'm very sure that I wasn't the love of your life. You deserve someone who's healthy and can guarantee you a bright future, with a big house and beautiful children. We both know that this life wouldn't make me feel happy.
Please stay the way you are and I love you
Your Y/n<33
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Hey guys!
Please lmk if you like these kind of imagines/one shots!
Don't forget to eat and drink, ily <3
