Sweet Revenge

Draco Is Officially Traumatized

Regulus and Barty had both been actively and enthusiastically avoiding Harry, studiously not looking Tom in the eye for the past several days, so Harry went with Aunt Cissa to Malfoy Mansion to seek Draco. 

Lady Parkinson happened to be having tea with Narcissa, so Pansy came along too. 

Happy reunion? Eh...

          "Draco, what does it mean to sleep together?"

           "WOT??? You are sixteen! How do you not know this?!" Draco exploded.

           "Well? What is it?" Harry demanded. "If everyone knows it so well, then you ought to explain it to me."

Draco coughed loudly and then (gracefully) fled the room.

So, Harry left it to Pansy. Pansy at least, got straight to the point.

          "It's sexual intercourse."

Harry coughed loudly and then (elegantly and with much sophisticated dignity) fled the room.

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          "Mother!" Pansy exclaimed as she pranced into the tea room. "Mother! I have finally traumatized someone for life!"

Lady Parkinson's eyes lit up and, abandoning her prim facade, leapt out of her ivory bistro chair, sending it skidding across the tea pavilion from the force of her movement. Her face split into the most concerning of grins and she grabbed Pansy's shoulders, shaking her daughter with all of her incredible force. 

           "Finally! We must celebrate! BRING ON THE CONFETTI, NARCISSA!!!"

Narcissa, too, leapt out of her chair and screamed for the house elves, who came by and diligently littered the ground with confetti before releasing the confetti canons that Narcissa generally reserved for Draco's birthdays. 

Pansy was grinning despite the face that her mother was using her much like a jackhammer on the floor. 

          "And mother, it was two people," Pansy informed her through a vibrating voice. 

Lady Parkinson shrieked, 

          "DOUBLE CONFETTI, NARCISSA!"

Narcissa dutifully pulled the string, and more confetti burst out, littering her friend's already-frazzled hair with yet more paper flakes.

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While the ladies and Pansy were throwing a veritable party downstairs, Draco sat, huddled in the corner of his room farthest from the door, eyes bugging, and mouth tugged down in a comically big frown. 

Harry -and Pansy- were terrible!

After he had left the room, he had stayed outside in a dignified manner and (not) eavesdropped on Pansy. 

He had barely escaped colliding with Harry when he hurried out. 

There was no doubt that the Lord would soon arrive, demanding what had happened to get his lovely into such a state. 

As it was, Harry had not gone to Tom (which Tom would surely be upset about later), but rather to Lucius and, as it was, Lucius was not the most helpful person on the planet in such a situation. 

After Harry had explained his plight and need for emotional support, Lucius only patted on the back, wished him good luck, and called the house elf to bring extra-strong white tea which, for the record, was about as strong as your average chamomile. 

Harry formed the conclusion that Lucius was, behind all of the fanfare and peacock-like ostentatiousness, a very plain man, which he was. 

His gold-encrusted china set held but white tea and two tier cake stands filled with Jammie Dodgers, classic scones with clotted cream, lemon drizzle cake slices, cucumber and mint sandwiches, Watercress sandwiches, Victoria cake, and  Battenberg cake slices. 

This was relatively mild in comparison to Narcissa's tea parties and even the occasional tea set up by Tom. 

Harry heaped a plentiful amount of cake and scones onto his plate. He studiously ignored Lucius's look of consternation and supreme concern for his health. 

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Lucius had sent him to Slytherin Castle shortly after he had finished expressing his grief in the form of aggressive chewing. 

Tom happened to be meeting with Slughorn and was talking animatedly about the usage of African Red Pepper in Dentifricium Mouthwash and Piquant Toothpaste and whether or not that was good for one's health on a daily basis. As he walked by, Harry added, 

          "You do know, Tom, that it is a stimulator for neurons."

Tom gave him the look.

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Half an hour after Slughorn had retired to his chambers, Harry found that the bottle of Dentifricium Mouthwash on his bedside table had mysteriously disappeared and that no matter how much he pressed, Tom still said he knew nothing of it.