𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄ᵃʳⁱᵃⁿᵃ ᵍʳᵃⁿᵈᵉ

one

   it took a lot in me to understand why ariana was cheating on me. it just never really made sense. i loved her with all i had in me, and i never treated her poorly. i had never, not in eight years, had a thought about another woman. ariana was all i needed, but ariana clearly needed more than just me.

   i went through every possible outlook as to why she had done this:

1. i had done something horribly wrong that i am not aware of and this is her way of getting back at me.

2. she is just completely disgusted by me and decided to fuck a man to fulfill her desires

3. ariana is just a piece of cheating shit.

i thought long and hard about something wrong i could have possibly done, thinking all the way back to four years ago. i hadn't done literally anything extremely wrong that would want to make ariana get back at me—and that just hurt even more.

i sighed, flipping the pancake i was making, hearing tiny feet slapping against the hardwood. i turned my head and caught eyes on my son rubbing his eyes tiredly, still in his pajamas. "mama?" he whined, his eyes squinting in the sun.

i chuckled and made my way over to him after taking the pancake off the stove. "wassup, bud?" i asked, crouching down to his level. his cheeks were still blotchy and red from crying last night, and i felt my heart shatter.

he grumbled and scrunched his nose, reaching his arms out to me. i smiled and swooped him up, pulling his shirt down as it rode up. i walked back over to the stove with him in my arms, trying to plate the pancakes with one hand. "you hungry, eli?" i asked him.

he nodded, his curls bouncing. i smiled and pecked his forehead, sitting him down safely at the kitchen island. i grabbed the plate of pancakes and eggs, placing it in front of him. he immediately grabbed his fork and dug in, eating like a mad man. "bruh, chill. don't choke, please." i ruffled his hair.

"mkay, bruh." he mimicked me, his voice dropping octaves. i squinted my eyes at him playfully and gently hit his arm with a towel before sitting in front of him with my plate. i shoved a fork full of eggs into my mouth, nodding in pleasure.

as i ate, my mind drifted back to ariana. she was just upstairs, probably still sleeping. she had come home at four fucking am last night and it was now ten. i was still up because i couldn't get the image of my heartbroken son crying his eyes out. she smelled like that stupid ass cheap cologne—and she had the fucking audacity to wrap her nasty ass arm around me.

   i heard heels clicking down the steps, catching my attention. i looked to the stairs and saw my wife all dressed up, and i assumed she was going to work. well, hopefully it was work. she walked into the kitchen and muttered a "hello" before grabbing a water from the fridge.

   i cleared my throat, staring at her back. "going to work?" i questioned, pushing my food around, no longer feeling very hungry. ariana looked back with a surprised look on her face. "uh—yeah." she stuttered.

   i nodded and took a drink of my water, watching as she kissed elijah on the head. i stifled a laugh as his face scrunched up when her lips touched his hair. "love you, buddy." she smiled, but it clearly looked fake. at least, to me it did.

   she grabbed her purse from the chair and started to walk out of the kitchen, not even sparing me a second glance. i bit my lip, deciding to be an asshole and speak up. "i love you, ariana." i meant it, i did.

   she froze in her spot and slowly turned her head around, guilt written all over her beautiful face. "i-i love you too, y/n." she bit her lip and began walking again until she was out the door.

   i sighed and looked down at my food briefly before looking back at eli. i faked a smile, but he only frowned back. he leaned forward, almost halfway across the table and placed his tiny hand on my tattooed one. "i love you, mama."

   my smile turned real and i squeezed his hand. "i love you too, bud."

——

i knew, and i had known for years, that ariana doesn't love me anymore like she used to. i hoped, and i hoped so hard, that there was some part of her heart that still loved me. even if it was just the smallest bit, that would be enough for me.

ariana was all i've ever known, really. i only had one girlfriend before her, but that only lasted a few months—and i never loved her. it would take too much out of me to just up and leave my wife when i've been with her for a vast majority of my life. i loved her so much and so hard, but apparently she needed more.

she needed that feeling of a rush—that feeling that you can have two people at once. one person at home to give you love and that one person that gives you meaningless sex and the high of possibly getting caught. i wonder if ariana knows that i know. or knows that her four year old son knows.

ariana was the only girl i've ever wanted and ever needed, but ariana needed more. i don't know who that more is yet, but i am going to find out.

——

living the swagger life 😽

i love you <3333!!!!