SOBER FEELINGS - Joonas Porko

24 - I snapped

"Yo What the fuck?!"

A quivering voice broke through the tension-loaded silence. I felt Niko's muscles tensing beneath me. The lack of his soft and warm lips that had been moving on mine so hungrily until a few seconds ago was slowly forcing me to awake from my short-termed state of haziness.

It was like someone had popped the bubble that had shielded me from everything I had tried to repress so hard and as I was coming back to my senses the familiar voice spoke again, this time in a less irritated, much more angry tone of voice.

"She's your friend, huh?! Yeah I can see what you meant by that when you nearly beat the shit out of me this morning."

I didn't need to turn my head to recognize exactly who the loud, devastated voice belonged to and honestly I also couldn't bear to see his face again so soon. Hearing his voice was already enough to make me unconsciously grab the sleeve of Niko's hoodie frantically, my hands uncontrollably clenching and unclenching around the fabric.

"After how bad you've fucked up, I think you're in no position to-" The brown-haired one started speaking but his opponent had no intentions of letting him finish his sentence.

"And you! You can't even look at me! Fucking look at me when I talk to you!" I winced. Joonas' voice was suddenly a lot more closer to my ear than before and I could feel the lump in my throat expanding.

I slowly turned my head, now immediately looking right into his face that was marked by an expression of hurt and anger. His blonde curls that I missed touching just by the soft look of them were partly hanging in his face, his eyes dark and full of hatred. The guitarist's lips were slightly parted and quivering from the state of rage he most likely found himself in.

"Sorry you had to see that." The words leaving my mouth sounded a lot more despicable than I intended. I could see it in the way Joonas' pupils dilated, quick and heavy huffs coming from his nose now. It was obvious that he had a really hard time to keep it together.

Part of me felt sorry for acting this way around him. My behavior seemed cold, even heartless, like this whole situation didn't affect me the slightest. Of course the opposite was the case but the blonde one didn't need to know that.

There was another part in me that enjoyed to see the guitarist so fragile and wounded. That part wanted to use all the hurt inside me to hurt him back even more. That part wanted to grab his best friend's face to kiss him over and over again until I was sure Joonas' heart couldn't be fixed anymore. I wanted him to suffer just as much as I did, if not more. Of course I knew that this was an unhealthy and even concerning way of thinking but who would be in their right mind in this kind of situation? Not a lot of people.

Joonas however was already strongly fixiated on his bandmate, my words seemed to slip from his attention completely. His face was stern, eyes now even darker than before and he was digging his black painted nails into the palm of his hands as he eyed the vocalist closely.

"What kind of friend are you!? You know how much I..." Joonas yelled but swallowed the last words as he spat them maliciously in Niko's face.

"Do you really think I wanted this to happen? God, do you think I planned all of this?!" Until now the man with the brown long hair had seemed calm and collected but now he was pushing me off his lap to get up on his feet and face Joonas.

My guts started to twist as I saw the two of them staring into each other's eyes like all they felt for each other was pure hate, again.

Maybe in this moment hate even was all they felt for each other after all.

"I don't know, did you? Are you that desperate to take her away for me?" Niko and I could both sense that the curly-haired one felt deeply betrayed by his friend. For a moment I thought I saw his eyes glistening in the broad daylight but one blink later that illusion seemed to have dissolved into thin air.