SOBER FEELINGS - Joonas Porko

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"Ahhhh!" I was awakened by a loud scream, followed by a dull thud.

As soon as I opened my eyes, memories from last night were rushing through my mind in waves.

My stomach felt sick and my head was hurting, it almost felt like someone kept hitting my skull from the inside over and over again.

Once again I came to the conclusion that I had drunk way too much last night and now I had to pay for what I had done to my body, especially my liver.

"Seems like someone fell out of the bed." I winced for a moment when I heard Niko's voice so close to my ear. I slowly tilted my head, Niko was standing right next to the couch, holding a glass of water in his hand. "Figured you would be thirsty when you wake up." The bright smile on his face and his soft, beautiful voice seemed to work miracles against the severe headache I was experiencing.

I really didn't know what I did to deserve meeting such a kind soul. From the moment we met, he treated me like we had known each other for years. Maybe he still had a bad conscience because of his friend that didn't seem to know his limits and had turned our night into a little mess. But it had been a fun little mess and Niko really didn't have the right to feel guilty after being so kind to let me sleep on his couch while he had to lay down on the floor to get some rest.

"Thank you Niko. For this, and for letting me spend the night." I slowly attempted to sit up to which my body responded with a sharp, stinging pain arising in my head. "You're welcome." He winked at me while I eagerly grabbed the glass from him and emptied it with one big sip. The cool liquid felt so refreshing running down my throat and I slowly felt how I came back to life, returning from the dead and drunken.

I wanted to get up from the couch but somehow my motor functions still seemed to be a little limited. As soon as I tried to lift myself up my body just fell back into the cushions.

"Looks like you could use some help, huh?" Judging by the little dimples that appeared on Niko's cheeks when he grinned, the brown-haired one was certainly amusing himself at the sight of watching me struggle to get up. Well, I could not blame him, I probably looked like a total fool in this moment.

"Yes, please. Niko my savior, my hero." I answered in a theatrical voice and held my hands out for him to grab. With a quick motion Niko managed to pull my body up from the couch. I stumbled a few steps forward but he immediately reacted and put his hands on my waist to make sure that I stood steady on my feet. "There you go." There were these cute little dimples again.

"Are you hungry? Should I make us breakfast? Our options are a little limited but sandwiches will work, right?" Now that Niko mentioned breakfast, I realized that I couldn't even remember when exactly I had my last meal. Probably yesterday around noon, before Amelia and I met up at my place and started drinking hours before we even got ready to go out.

"Remind me again, exactly when and where are we getting married?" Was my answer and Niko laughed while he slowly removed his hands and led me into the kitchen.

"Oh hey there buddy." I said to tha cat that was casually laying on the kitchen floor, eyes closed. It was a beautiful cat with white fur and a few black spots on it's head. The little guy opened his beautiful green eyes and looked at us from below. "That's Rommi." Niko squatted down and gently stroked the little guy's head. The cat that seemed to enjoy the attention of his owner, responded with a quiet purr.

"I know Rommi, I know. But I gotta make breakfast for Joonas and this young lady." He gave his cat a soft kiss on the head and was now about to inspect the inside of his fridge when Joonas suddenly stood in the doorway.

He had put on his black jeans, that was sitting loosely on his waist but he apparently didn't feel the need to put on his shirt. His curly hair was all over the place, he looked like a poodle and I mean that in the most adorable way possible. The man with the tousled blonde hair was covering his eyes with one of his hands, apparently he still reacted a little sensitive to the bright light that shone through the big kitchen window.

"How's the hangover Joonas?" Niko asked mockingly to which Joonas answered with a growly "Fuck you." and a raised middle finger. He had a raspy morning voice, a very raspy morning voice.

Joonas now slowly took away his hand that had been resting infront of his eyes. He looked at me, then at Niko and then at me again.

"When did you mean to tell me that you have a lady visitor?" Niko and I were exchanging confused looks. If  Joonas' was trying to make a joke we both didn't really seem to get it.

"Who is she?" Joonas' eyes wandered up and down on me. I let out a short laugh. The blonde-haired one really had nerves playing such a game early in the morning while we were both suffering from full on hangover.

My laugh soon faded when I dared to look into his eyes and realized that it was not all fun and games like I had assumed.

I could see in his eyes that the blonde-haired one didn't just make a stupid joke, he really didn't recognize me. His stare was empty. There was nothing that indicated that he remembered we had spent the last night together drinking, making stupid jokes and stumbling back to Niko's apartment like the two drunk fools that we were. And then there was the kiss.

"Bro are you serious right now? This girl is literally the only reason you didn't end up laying drunk in a ditch somewhere. How much do you still remember from last night?" Niko was apparently noticing how tensed I got all of a sudden. He placed one of his hands on my back while I watched how Joonas scratched the back of his head in embarassment.

"I remember going to that bar and getting a drink and... uhm..." Joonas stuttered. You could see that his brain was working, that he was trying to come up with a memory but there didn't seem to be anything his mind could fully grasp.

"That's all you fucking remeber?" Niko was just as shocked as I was in this moment. If this was really all the man with the curly hair remembered, that meant I hadn't existed in his reality until a few seconds ago.

"I- Yes, I guess I blacked out." Suddenly I lost all my apetite.

This wasn't fair.

While my world had been turned upside down by the interactions between Joonas and me last night, to him I was a complete stranger. That meant we would have to start over from zero again and I really didn't know if I was capable of doing so.

Maybe Joonas didn't even want to get to know me again, who knew? The whole night we spent getting drunk together but now that we were sober, what if things looked totally different to him?

I just couldn't come to terms with the fact that he had forgotten all of it. Our lively conversations, his funny jokes, how I took care of him when he threw up, the eventful walk from the bar back to Niko's apartment, his fall into the bush and how he dragged me down with him and the kiss. That stupid kiss.

I maybe could have gotten over a lot of things but him forgetting the kiss really wasn't one of them.

While my heart was beating faster when I stood face to face with Joonas now, he didn't even know my name.

"Actually I'm not hungry anymore. Thank you for everything Niko." I pulled the man with the brown, long hair into a short but tight hug and downright stormed out of the kitchen before any of the boys could react.

I couldn't act like Joonas' memory loss didn't affect me. It did and it hurted like hell but I didn't want the two men to see how much it truly affected me.

Hot tears were starting to run down my face as I picked my shoes, my bag and my dress from the floor. "Hey Lyra, wait!" I heard Niko yell after me but I couldn't turn back around now. My vision went blurry as soon as I slammed the door right infront of Niko and rushed down the stairs.

I suddenly felt so incredibly stupid. I was crying about someone that I barely knew, why did I always have to be so emotional?

Joonas probably didn't give a damn about me in the first place, otherwise I would have been memorable enough for his mind to keep even a tiny memory of me.

But he forgot about me, he forgot about everything. And I left nothing behind for him to remember me, not one thing.

I could only hope I would be able to forget about Joonas quick, the same way his brain decided to forget about me.

Author's note:
Oopsie... well uhm... yeah.
Poor Lyra girl.

I swear to god I hope Niko beats Joonas' ass cause that man just did some damage right there. #responsibledrinking #noalcoholforjoonas