SOBER FEELINGS - Joonas Porko

22 - violent hug

The bright light of the morning sun was hurting my eyes as I took the first step outside. I didn't know why but somehow I expected it to be a lot darker, more cloudy, more rainy and more stormy than it actually was. Maybe because that was how the weather would have been like if it would mirror what was going on inside me right now - pure dark chaos.

I squinted my eyes, the bright light shining down on me probably fried my last functional brain cells as I tried to orient myself in the unfamiliar neighborhood.

I threw a look over to the apartment complex where Joel lived and a short laugh escaped my lips at the imagine of a bunch of guys laying passed out on Joel's sofa.

Hopefully they felt a little less miserable than me although I was almost certain the boys were all suffering from a full on hangover right now.

Even if they hadn't been as drunk as Joonas had been they still all had consumed a good amount of alcohol.

I suddenly realized that I had been standing in the middle of the street without moving for longer than I intended to and decided to check my phone.

Amelia's countless messages that I had just briefly answered during the past couple days were going through my mind when I started to contemplate wether I should just head into the direction that I believed would lead me home eventually or call a cab.

I was holding my phone in both of my hands, staring at the screen, attempting to do something that would help me in this situation but my mind constantly travelled back to Joonas' deviant words that I wished I had never heard.

I wished I would have just stayed in bed, that I hadn't overheard his conversation with Joel and him confessing to his bandmate that he had remembered everything this whole time.

His memories were clear and visible in his head, yet he let me believe that he forgot all of them. And then this man had shamelessly made me clung onto him when he pretended to remember what seemed like the most unimportant details of the night we met. But to me those moments weren't unimportant details, to me those fragments were so much more than the blonde-haired one could ever imagine.

Fuck you Joonas.

I kept repeating that phrase in my mind, at the same time debating on how to find my way back home when the front door of the apartment complex infront of me opened and a tried looking Niko stepped outside.

I instinctively turned around hoping I could escape the eyes of the man with the long brown hair. A stupid idea considering I was still standing in the middle of the road and there was nothing that was blocking Niko's view from where he was standing.

"Lyra?" I heard im ask in surprise and turned around, not really knowing what face I should put on when I saw how the vocalist approached me, hands buried in the pockets of his black jeans.

"Morning Niko." I quickly answered and shifted from one foot to another. It was not like I didn't like to talk to Niko. I liked to talk to him, a lot. This time however I was afraid that he would notice that something was up. I didn't have the energy to tell him about what his dear friend had pulled off if I hadn't even processed it myself.

"Where are you heading?" Niko finally came to a stop. Every step he took closer to me made me want to hide my face from him more, so afraid I was that he could read exactly what was going on in my mind as he started to study my face with his tired green eyes.

"Home I guess." I started to fiddle around with the hem of my shirt. Under this circumstances I certainly wasn't able to hold my hands still anymore.

"Me too. I could keep you company on your walk home. Only if you want to of course." His friendly smile that made the little dimples on his cheek appear usually would make me feel nothing but warm and welcomed but not today.