Being trapped in an elevator sounds like torture, especially with how hot it is in here. But deep down, I'm loving it. Being around Blaine again and saying whatever we want, avoiding the elephant in the room of course, but nevertheless, enjoying each other's company. Maybe there is hope for us in the future. That is until,
"Um, okay this is a dessert, it's cold, uhh.. Oh uhh Dave eats this all the time"
Suddenly the dream comes to a halt and reality steps in. We aren't together anymore. Blaine's with Dave now and he doesn't want any part of this. Of what I truly want. I sit up and look up trying to blink the tears away, "It's so hot in here I think I'm going to be sick." I avoid looking at Blaine, I don't know how much he can still read my emotions. If he still can, he would have to know that even mentioning Dave's name was like a stab in the heart.
Suddenly the little trap door opens and the doll comes back. My mind is still wrapping around the word "Dave" and how Blaine had a small smile on his face when saying his name when Blaine's words force me out of my thoughts. He wants to kiss. To get out of here, of course. He wouldn't want to kiss me unless we had to. I nod along and agree hoping to God that once we kiss, he will have some sort of epiphany and want me again.
I lean in and bam, those fireworks are still there. I don't know how much time has passed, I just know that I've been dreaming of those lips, his smell, the way he holds my head when we kiss. I grab onto his shoulder before I can fall back and tug him a little closer. His mouth is so hot on mine and those plump lips keep begging for more. His tongue feels like fire against mine and I never want it to end. When we pull away, I think I see something in his eyes, a light that I used to love seeing when he would look at me, but when those doors opened, he grabbed his things as fast as possible and ran out. I had no other choice but to follow.
"And it made us realize that we are, we are better off as friends." There is that word again, friends. God doesn't he know I can't be just friends. I can't stand on the sidelines and watch him and Dave live together, laugh together, bump shoulders when we go out for coffee. I physically can't handle it. Sue says some more words and shoves us out of her office. I start to walk away when Blaine grabs my arm, "Want to go get a coffee? I hear the Lima Bean has a new flavor for us to try." I look down and shake my head, "I can't. I have to go." Quickly I turn away before he can say anything and go to the auditorium. There is just one spotlight on, which there always is and nobody knows why, and Rachel is sitting at the piano. She hears me come in and turns around. The second I see her I crumble, "Oh no, Kurt what happened?"
I sat down next to her and started crying onto her shoulder. "I can't do it anymore, I can't hold it in. I can't, I just can't.
"What the hell happened in the elevator?"
"It was going great, we were talking and having fun, laughing, but then the second he mentioned Dave I felt my heart stop. I thought I was going to be sick. We kissed, we had to to get out, but I felt something during that kiss and apparently Blaine didn't. I'm still so in love with him, Rachel, but I don't have any fight left in me. He doesn't want this or us, he wants Dave. I can't sit around and watch that happen."
I sat up and she wiped the tears away, "But Kurt, I don't think he actually loves Dave. He can't love anyone the way he loved you."
I shake my head, "He wants to be just friends. He's said it over and over. I can't hear those words anymore."
"So what are you going to do?"
"Well, I think I'm going to pack my bags and go back to New York for a while. I still have things to do at NYADA and my therapist is there. I really need to talk to her."
Rachel shook her head, "Kurt you can't leave. We need you, I need you, and I think Blaine needs you. Besides, Lima has therapists you can see."
I stood up, "I just need to get away and collect my thoughts. I can't look at him right now and know that we don't have a future. I need to see my therapist. She already knows things."
