Anabiosis -- Dazai Osamu Angst

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Hello! Welcome to this fic. Fair warning, this fic will have a LOT of graphic content that could be triggering. Please read the warnings before every chapter. Without further ado, welcome to Anabiosis.
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TW/CW: nightmares, referenced/implied abuse, mentioned/referenced chronic pain.
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Stay safe.

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 Dazai woke with a start, bursting out of a swirling, viscous nightmare with a choked gasp. He clutched at his chest for a moment, feeling his heart flutter in his ribcage like a panicked bird trapped inside him. He took a few deep breaths to ease the painful pounding, but it did little to help the pain overall. Pain permeated his every movement. He was used to it at this point, though, so he just numbed himself to the sensation and lurched off of his futon.

It was 4 am. Dazai was almost surprised that his nightmares hadn't woken him earlier. He had gotten a solid 2 hours of sleep, more than he had in over a week. Now, though, he had a splitting headache and about three hours before he was meant to head over to work.

With a sigh, he stumbled to his bathroom, carefully avoiding the shattered mirror on the wall. He always took cold showers. Hot showers made him panic, the heated water on his skin reminding him of when Mori would burn him in punishment. Besides, cold water soothed his aching joints and numbed his pained skin.

By the time he managed to force himself out of the shower, it had been two hours. His lips had a slight purple tint to them and goosebumps covered his skin (though they were hard to see past the almost completely scarred texture). He didn't shiver. He had learned to suppress shivers when he was a child. Mori hadn't liked when he would shiver.

He wrapped himself back up in bandages, trying not to look at himself too closely while doing so. Quickly getting dressed, he considered his options. He had another hour before people would start arriving at the agency. He could either go early and wait for Yosano (maybe he could convince her to give him painkillers for once), or he could throw himself back onto his futon and likely not manage to get up again.

He stretched slightly, grimacing at the pain the action caused. With another sigh, he threw on his coat and headed for the door. He didn't want to deal with Kunikida kicking down his door to yell at him today. It was chilly outside, not unpleasantly so. He smiled slightly to himself. The heat always bothered him, making his bandages stick to his skin and chafe. The walk to the agency wasn't far. He'd rented his own apartment fairly close to the agency. The other detectives knew where he lived, but he could be as noisy as he wanted without them hearing. Useful on nights where his night terrors woke him screaming.

The Cafe was already open, just getting set up, and Dazai waved to the servers as he passed them. They waved back, but he could tell that they looked confused. He normally didn't come in to work this early. As soon as he was out of sight of them, his expression fell into cold apathy. His head hurt too much to bother with emoting when nobody was around.

He fumbled with his key for a second, hands stiff with pain, but eventually, he managed to get the door open. He shuffled over to the couch and slumped onto it heavily, wincing at the way the drop made his head spin.

He covered his eyes with his arm and stayed perfectly still, hoping that the lack of movement would ease some of the pain. He stayed like that, just laying there until he heard the door open harshly. The sound made him wince, his head pounding twice as hard. Kunikida walked in (Dazai could recognize the footsteps of the idealist). He immediately started talking to himself and Dazai just sat there silently, praying that his head didn't actually explode until the blonde noticed him. He raised his voice for a moment, preparing to scold him, probably, but he stopped.

"Dazai? Are you awake?" He asked, voice surprisingly soft. Dazai just gave a weak, raspy groan in response. "Are you okay?" his voice was pitched with slight concern. As much as he complained about Dazai, he was still his partner. Dazai just groaned again. Kunikida took that as a 'no' and then sat at his desk quietly. If Dazai wasn't so busy trying to will his head not to split like a crushed watermelon, he would probably have thanked him.