Where Have We Come From?

I, The Reel-To-Reel

I used to belong to this radio show about fishing. It was called 'O'Reel-Y'. The show's announcers, Jake and Jay, used me to record reels of their shows.

But then they got some better equipment and sold me. Mr. St. Peters was the one who bought me.

I didn't know about his... job, then. All I had known was that he starred in two ofO'Reel-Y's funniest stories.

The first one was the titular story of 'Stuck in the Muck', which I know from memory:

'So this dude, named Elmo-' 'named ELMO?!' 'Yep' 'How crazy were his parents?!' 'I dunno. So, anyway, this dude-' 'Named Elmo!' '-named Elmo, went to fish in this swamp-' 'Skeeter Swamp?' 'All swamps are skeeter swamps' 'What?' 'Wait, Skeeter Swamp is the actual name of a PLACE?!' 'Yep. I've been there, and-' 'It's very skeeterery?' 'and they have merchandise advertising the mosquitoes!' 'What? That's HILARIOUS!' 'And they sell this merchandise-' 'People actually BUY it?' 'They sell this merchandise to fund the annual Skeeter Swamp blood drive!'.

They both burst out laughing.

'So ANYway, this dude rode his bike-' 'His bike? How was he planning to take home any fish? Did he have one of those little basket thingies?' 'I dunno, maybe he was planning to keep them in his hat?'

(Oh, by the way, that's a reference to another famous O'Reel-Y story.)

'And he went off to fish for like an hour, and when he got back-' 'His bike was gone?' 'Yep. Gone' 'Did the fish take it?' 'No' 'The dragonflies?' 'No' 'The skeeters?' 'Nope. The bike had sunk into-' 'It sunk into the mud?' 'Yep.' 'Then it was really quicksand! Run, Elmo, run while you still can!' 'And it had sunk so far-' 'That it was in China?' 'It had sunk so far that not even the handlebars were visible.' 'Run! The quicksand's gonna swallow us all! Run!' 'And then Elmo went out and bought a monster truck.' 'What? Then it's not our story, it belongs to the dorks at Automotive Assistance!'

And they spent the rest of the segment insulting the morons who do AtAs.

The 2nd story is the one where St. Peters ate some bad curry and hallucinated a singing fish and dancing frogs. It's interesting, all right, but...

But I have a 3rd fishing story. And this one is "Angler Exclusive": You won't find it on O'Reel-Y.

Here it is:

It seemed like an ordinary day in St. Peter's shop. Elmo St. Peters, the man himself, had left on another fishing trip. We appliances were bickering, as usual.

Then I noticed something underneath one of the shelves.

Elmo St. Peters had FORGOTTEN HIS FISHING ROD!

And when he returned, he had five appliances in tow. An electric blanket, a lamp, a radio, a toaster, and a vacuum cleaner.

And when he was about to dismantle the radio, the other four figured out how to save their companion and free us all.

It happened like this: the toaster balanced upon the vacuum's handle and the electric blanket wrapped around them, and the lamp stood on the vacuum's "head". They drew the blinds on the window, and the lamp switched on, h' light aimed up at the toaster.

The vacuum rushed towards St. Peters, and he screamed and ran. He ended up running into a shelving unit and knocking himself out.

As the toaster and electric blanket rushed to free their friend from the vise, the vacuum grabbed the drills and threw them into the wall, knocking them out.

Then Ultra started shouting "Freedom! Freedom! Jailbreak!", and it was the most wonderful sound I'd ever heard.

And then the fridge bashed down the door, and Quadruped the guard dog ran in fright!