When We Were Sixteen || Jeon Jungkook

4 - Age Twenty

Twenty was lonely.

Jungkook already went through his first year of his study abroad programme and he told me about his time in America and how he loved being there while learning new skills. Although time differences were a struggle, but we still managed to call each other once a week. Most of the time I'd fall asleep on the phone with him as he was just getting up to start his day. The neighbourhood seemed empty without his presence. Most days I was consumed in my thoughts that made the silence seem so loud. 

He would ask about my father but I would lie and change the subject quickly. His condition was a lot worse that last year and he decided to come home and live what so little time he had left at our home. My father was extremely weak and struggled to walk these days as the pain he was in was unbearable so, he was forced to sit in a wheelchair and had to take so much medication every day to ease to pain. I didn't want Jungkook to worry though, I told him everything was fine and he should continue living his life. I was constantly reminded how unhappy and lonely I was as I watched my father's life fade away every day. 

It was my decision to drop out of university this year. The workload and my father combined in one was becoming to difficult for me to balance as I was in a constant state of stress. It benefitted my mental health. While my mom worked, I stayed at home with my father as I wanted to be beside him as long as possible. I promised him that I would go back to studying the year after, and I would be healthier and happier when I go back. It was another thing I never told Jungkook that year, I didn't want him to worry about me. 

Taehyung and Jimin visited frequently to make sure I was okay. I was thankful I had them as friends because they filled the void that Jungkook left and they took my mind off things when I was upset or anxious about things going on in my life. They would drag me out the house to go for food or they would just stay with me until it was too late. They both promised not to tell Jungkook about my father or me dropping out of university, and once again I was thankful.

Jungkook and Hana were still strongly in love. Every phone call I received from Jungkook was mostly how much he loved Hana and this thoughts on proposing to her soon. Even though it hurt me when he talked about a proposal to her, I had to sit and listen about it and it hurt my heart knowing he will never love me back. 

It was that time of year and Jungkook was finally coming home for Christmas for the first time in a year. However, I had to endure this Christmas with Hana as well. I couldn't tell whether I was excited to see him, or I was completely dreading everything coming towards me at Christmas. 

Even if it was only for a few hours on Christmas day, I found myself standing outside Jungkook's house and could hear muffled voices on the other side of the door. Just hearing his faint giggling made my stomach do a small involuntary twist. I took one last long deep breath before the door swung open. 

"You are finally here!" Jungkook smiled, nearly knocking me over into a tight hug, a laugh leaving my lips as I wrapped my arms around the towering boy. My eyes felt heavy, fluttering shut as I squeezed him tightly, his nose burying against my shoulder. "It's really good to see you."

For a moment, it felt like it was just two of us. Just Jungkook and I, with his arms holding me and his smell making me feel intoxicated. My body moulded against his, a soft exhale falling past my lips. My back arched some, so I pressed onto him, his own body leaning forward as he nuzzled against my shoulder. Jungkook took a deep breath into my skin, fingertips pressing into my back as if he was trying to pull me closer to him.

"I missed you," I muttered, eyes opening and focusing on the gorgeous girl standing behind him by the door. Reality began to slap me in the face, and realisation hit that Jungkook had a girlfriend he loved. I felt sick to my stomach, grip loosening around him in an instant as I began to pull away. "Hana, right?"