Intertwine

79 - I Am Not Like A Baby

TW - depression

ROARA 

I was on my balcony, feet dangling over the sides, as Tony came into my room. 

"Shit, shit, shit." I muttered, trying to cover what was in my hand and waving at the air around me.

He sniffed the air. Oh crap. "Roara." He said, shutting the door carefully behind him. "Are you smoking pot?"

"Uh, no?" I tried.

Tony sighed and walked onto my balcony, sitting down beside me. "Hand it over." 

I groaned and passed him the spliff. He looked at it, turning it over in his fingers. Just as I thought he was about to chuck it over the side of the railings, he put it to his mouth and took a deep inhale. "This is good shit." He said, a puff of smoke coming out of his mouth as he spoke. He took one more toke and passed it back to me.

"Thanks. I happen to know a guy." I shrugged.

"Thought you didn't know anyone in this city apart from us?" Tony said.

I shook my head, taking a draw on the spliff. "I've been walking around the city at night, now that I'm out of the wheelchair. I can't sleep, you know, so I've been going for walks. Met some guy one night."

"What's he called? Might need to get on that."

"Nah. He doesn't like his name getting out. Just think of him as WW." I finished the spliff and stubbed it out, throwing the butt down onto the street below.

"We know you've been drinking." Tony said, seriously.

"I know." I looked at him sadly. "I'm not dumb. I can't even remember buying the stuff, the bottles would just turn up in my room and then I'd hide them."

Tony crossed his arms, swinging his legs. "That's not good."

"You're telling me." I laughed dryly and turned back to look at the skyline of New York. "Funny thing is, I keep forgetting shit. I only realised when I ended up on the sofa last week, and I knew what I had done, but I can't remember doing it."

"You can't remember kissing with Bridges?" 

"Nah." I sighed. "I can't remember any of that. I just know I did it. It's like my mind was elsewhere."

Tony blew out a breath. "I'm gonna level with ya Vines. The others are worried about you. They don't know you're back yet, 'cause I haven't told them, but they freaked out when they saw you were gone. Of course Vision freaked out the most because he was on babysitting duty, or about as much as Vision can freak out. Clever getting away when you were going to the toilet." 

"I don't actually remember leaving." I admitted to him. "I was with Vision in my room and then I was walking the streets of Manhattan." I bit my lip. "Tony, I don't know what's going on with me. I keep having mind blanks, and everything feels so... distant. I feel like a ghost, like a shell of myself, and I can't... I can't." The tears began to flow out of my eyes, and my voice was cracking, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel any of it. I just felt the overwhelming hunger. "It's like I'm not here anymore."

"How did you get back?" He asked.

"The friend I told you about, he found me. We smoked a bit, and then he dropped me off here." I shrugged. "But I just feel..."

"Like you're still not here?" He tried.

I nodded. "Like I'm still not here."

He patted me on the shoulder. "It's okay Audrey. But look, Ali was going to do this, but I'll do it instead. You haven't been washing. You've been in the same shorts and vest top for a week and a bit. You've been sneaking out at night, and clearly getting high. You haven't been eating. You spend your days in your bed, not doing anything. Even Loki is worried about you, and he's the one person out of all of us who keeps saying you'll be fine. You're depressed Roara, you have been since you got back from Vanaheim. It's been progressing very fast. Tomorrow is Peter's birthday, and three days after that we're going on our mission to the Prison in England. After we get back we're going to take you to therapy, okay?"