CHAPTER 13
I keep haveing the same nightmare. Over and Over again. I dream of the people. Of waking up. Of death. Sometimes i even think It's just a nightmare. But then, i see my body. My almost lifeless body. Paper whie skin, thin as paper, feels like paper. Just paper skin. Hollow eyes that can't seem to stay open. Bags under them, pulling them closed and keeping them like that for eternity. Stringy hair that just sits on my head. Not willing to move. My mouth is always dry.I can't speak, can't remeber the words i need. Everything i hear is muffled and sounds far away.
But the worst part is my torso. Brused and bandaged up. You can see my ribs now. I have barely eatten anything in a month. Everywhere on my boody is in pain. I can't seem to heal just right.
Harry hasn't left my side. Zayn just stares at me, his eyes ass lifeless as mine. Of course they have to leave me eventually. Life can't pause because poor Maddie is a pathetic babey. In fact, Simon was here earlier. He brought me black roses. They are my favorite. He said he was sorry. And that if there was anything i needed, anything at all, to just give him a call. I won't of course.
The boys need to work... They need to forget it happened so i can try. All this goes through my mind as i try to fall asleep. I don't like sleep. Because I relive it all. It scares me. Scares me so bad.
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I wake up screaming my head off. Telling them to stop, to just leave me alone. I'm crying, and screaming, and kicking, and trying to get away.
"Maddie, shh. Babey, it's ok. I'm here. Were here now. They can't get to you here." Harry whispers in my ear. I calm down. I know he is right. I have to believe him.
"Water?" Even that one word hurts.I need something for the pain, too. Louis must see it in my eyes. He gets up and comes back with pain killers. He brakes them both in half for me, and hands them to me along with the water. I try to give him a smile. It was weak, but they understand. This past month, i havent been able to do anything. But i have to try.
I take the pills then try to stand up. Harry and Zayn try to help me.
"No." I whisper. They look at me then eachother. They let go, hesitantly.
I wak out of my room and go to the kitchen.. I grab a banana, and try to peel it. I can't get it so i grab a knife from the drawer and stab the top part off. I peel it and eat it on my way to the couch. I can feel their stares piercing my back. Wondering why. Why i suddenly dont need help. Don't want help. I can feel they are hurt, but only a little. I hope. I need to be okay again. I dont want t hurt.
"Are you feeling better?" Dani asks as she walks in with Liam.
"A little." I cough. Everyone looks at eachother. Words without talking. "I'm fine."
"No, your not." Zayn replies calmly. "You can barely walk, or talk. Not fine."
I stand up and walk to my room i slam the door as hard as i can.Then lay down. I have no more energy. I fall asleep in the next 5 minutes
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I'm walking in a field with Harry. He is holding my hand and we are happy. Were laughing and everything is perfect. He stops walking and i look at him. He grabs my waist and pulls me close.
Then his face changes.
"I'm back!" No...
" Did you miss me?" NO!
"Lets have some fun!" Stop... please.
"Wake up." What the..
"Maddie wake up. Your ok. I'm here."
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I open my eyes to see the most beautiful green eyes ever.
"Hi You." I say smiling.
"Hey love. What were you dremaing about?" He asks gently. He climbs in my bed and holds me to his chest.
"You."
"And you were screaming because...?" He lloks in my eyes. I look in his. They are full of concern and love.
"Himm. You turned into Himm. It was so perfect. But he ruined it." I say looking down.
"He didn't ruin anything. Go back to sleep. It's almost 11 at night Maddie. I love you."
"I love you too..." I drift off to sleep as i say the words. I dream of us. Only of us. Of love and happyness. I never want it to end. And it doesn't. When i wakeaain, he is still there next to me. I untangle my body from his and glance at the clock. 3:36.Greaaaaaat. I stumble out of bed and head t the bathroom. I wash my face and brush my hair. Well, i do that while trying not to fall, scream in pain, and cry. I go to the toilet and throw up the bananas i had eaten earlier. I hear Harry climb out of bed and he quietly knocks on the door.
"Are you ok?" He asks in his sleepy voice.
"Yeah. I'll be out in a second." I say back in a dry voice.
I flush the toilet and glance at myself in the mirror. My hair is still stringy, just looks better i guess. My face is still lifeless. But I'm getting better. I open the door and see Harry look up from his phone. He tries to hide it from me, but i grab his hand and take it from him. He told the boys. Told them i threw up again.
"I'm worried about you." He replies. I can see itin his eyes. his beautiful eyes.
"It's ok. They need to know." I smile and walk past him. I climb back in bed and after i know he has fallen asleep, i cry. I cry as silently as possible. The last tears i will cry because of what happened to me. I make a decision that will change my life. Ok, it will change my next week. But still. I get up and get dressed in some pants. I keep my tank top and sweater on. I slip on my toms and grab my phone and laptop. i write a note to the boys. Telling them I'll be at Matties. I texted her to pick me up outside the flat complex. She said she would be there in 10. I walked out the door and used the wall for support. I walk very slowly down the stairs and Mattie is already waiting for me. I climb in to her car, not gracefully i might add.
"whats up?" she asks.
"Nothing. Just need some air. want to go to the park?"
"Sure?" She pulls out and gives me a look. a look that says 'holy shit are you on drugs or do you just want to die you stupid dumbass you should be in bed'. or something like that.
And so we go to the park. And sit on a bench. And we only talk. Until Zayn walks up to us, pissed off as ever.
