Poems & Thoughts

Head Over Heels

September 12th, 2021

2:03 AM

Head Over Heels

I still remember the first thing you ever said to me. We were at track practice and you said "will you please laugh at me if I fall?" I laughed and told you you weren't going to fall. Sure enough, you didn't, but you did come in last. When it was my turn to race I put in all my effort, but also came in last. It didn't matter though. I was back by you. There we were, the underachievers. After practice I walked up to you and asked if you would be my friend, as I had none. Sure this was a lie, but you seemed nice so why not. You laughed and with that smile of yours enthusiastically said "sure!" As I turned to leave one of my friends said "you're going to regret that." For a while I thought they said it to you, but now I realize that it was directed towards me. I guess my friends know me better than I do... because I most certainly regret it. Not in a bad way though. I regret it because now I'm head over heels for you and can't work up the courage to tell you that.

A few weeks later track ended. I tried to work up the courage to tell you then, but your ride was already there so you had to leave right away. Little did I know there would be another opportunity.

Three days later I was in orchestra, and you walked in with the rest of your class. I allowed myself to smile a little and went back to sight reading my music. Our teacher told us that we would be practicing together for the next few days to prepare for the upcoming concert, which also meant I had a few days to prepare what I was going to say to you.

Much to my surprise, the next day you approached me. I was sitting in my chair, tuning my violin, when you said "it's nice to see you again." I hope I wasn't blushing too hard. I responded with a smile and told you that it was nice to see you too. I expected you to walk away, but then you said "can I at least get a high five?" It took me a bit to comprehend. I still couldn't believe that you were talking to me. When I finally understood I didn't give you much of a high five. I kind of just reached out and touched your outstretched hand. Time seemed to slow in that moment. Then you smiled again and left. You and your smiles. I swear I might die. I heard you tell your friends that our encounter was awkward when you sat back down, I honestly couldn't agree more, but hey, it was something. We finished class and went home, me listening to Electric Love by the Børns.

It was the night before the concert. I had exactly two good opportunities to tell you how I felt. Once when you walked past my art class, and once at the concert. First I planned what I was going to say. Something along the lines of asking you if you wanted to be awkward together again... but then I started overthinking. What if telling me it was good to see me again was a dare? What if it was all a joke? What if you didn't feel the same way? All of those were most likely true considering my luck. With help from my cousin and one friend who actually wanted this for me, though, I built my courage back up. It also helped that I was listening to Electric Love (again). It made me think that we would work out. I went to bed that night wondering what you would say.

For the entire school day I was building myself up for that moment. I had what I was going to say planned out, everything was going to be just fine. The worst that you could do was reject me... reject me? Yep. I was in that mindset once again. I told my other friends what I was planning to do and they thought it was weird and that I was coming on too strong. Great support. I put my headphones back in, and cranked up the volume on the only song I'd been listening to that week. You guessed it, Electric Love.

I had decided to go for the concert opportunity. We would both be semi dressed up and it would be slightly romantic, considering it was an orchestra. When I got there you were nowhere to be seen. I took a deep breath and told myself it was fine, even if you were late there was a small period after the concert where I could tell you. You ran in just as we started warming up. I felt a small sense of relief. At least you showed up. The concert went by without a hitch, you played your solo perfectly, and we all made our way back to the orchestra room. I packed up my instrument quickly, apparently you did too, and we met up at the lockers. I started the conversation.

"Hi"

"Hi"

"Hi..."

Then we both walked away. They were right. I regretted it.

I went home that night and ate my feelings out with a tub of ice cream. I blew it. The friend that actually wanted this for me managed to cheer me up, but the next day I was back to thinking about how terribly I'd messed up. I managed to distract myself for the rest of the weekend. Life had to go on.

When school came back on Monday I plugged in my headphones to block out my friends again. Wouldn't you know it, Electric love came on. A pit formed in my stomach and I immediately turned it off. After all, it reminded me of you, and how you were just another crush that I'd get nowhere with.

School ended soon after that and I saw you once more, but I was crushed and you were too far down the hallway to catch up with.

For the most part I kept myself distracted during the summer, but every time I heard Electric Love, I saw your face and a pit formed in my stomach. I kept pushing on but you kept appearing in my mind. I couldn't get your smile out of my head.

School started back up recently. We're about four weeks in, and last week I finally spotted you in the halls again. Crazy as it sounds, I no longer feel guilty. I feel hopeful. I thought you left the school, but apparently not. I think fate might have some plans for us. Passing periods are shorter this year, so I won't be able to give you an entire speech about my feelings. I can give you a few sentences and a piece of paper though. I'm still head over heels, so here goes nothing.

Hi, I'm not sure if you remember me from last year, but we had track and orchestra together. You said you'd be my friend because I had none. Anyway, you seem really nice and I'd like to get to know you better. Here's my number: Text me?

A. N.

I swear to the pickle gods if the picture gets cut off... I'll put it at the end of this A.N. for good measure. SOOOO... I'm alive. Yep. Cool. Y'all better be too.

Stay safe, healthy, hydrated, wear your seatbelts, eat food, don't be stupid, don't take Bucky's arm, may the force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, love you-bye ;)

ALSO WHY DID THIS TAKE AN HOUR TO WRITE!?