Let me live | Hardzello♡

Chapter 23

A few days later, Ben wakes up in the middle of the night thanks to some sounds coming from his side. He slowly opens his eyes, and looks around the room in confusion. Still a bit sleepy, it takes him a few moments to realise that his boyfriend is the one making those sounds. He looks at the boy's bed, seeing Joe tossing and turning violently while letting out some whimpers.
"N-No!" Joe cries out, a frightened look covering his face.
Ben sits up, briefly wincing at the stiffness in his chest. He slides out of bed and shuffles towards Joe's. He sits down on the edge of his boyfriend's bed. "Joe." He whispers. "Joe, you have to wake up. It's just a dream baby."
Joe starts shaking all over as a soft sob escapes his mouth. "N-no, not the shocks! Please...-" He cries out in a pleading voice.
Ben swallows, hating to see Joe like this. He has no idea what the boy means with 'the shocks', but he's sure it's not very pleasant. "Joey, wake up." He takes Joe's hand in his own, gently rubbing his thumb over the boy's knuckles.
But Joe yanks his hand away from Ben's, and continues to toss and turn. "L-let me live, please!" The ginger blurts out, some words sounding slurred and fogged with sleep. "Don't hurt me..." He whimpers.
Ben frowns, not sure what his options are to wake Joe. He can't shake him awake, the risk of his stitches coming loose would be too big. Then he thinks about what Joe told him before: 'A hug can do miracles.'
When another whimper is heard from Joe, Ben decides to give it a shot. He puts his arms around the boy, and starts giving him small kisses all over his face. "Shhh, you're safe, sweetheart. Now open your eyes." He whispers.
A few kisses later, Joe's eyes shoot open while a loud sob is heard from him. "Help me, I- I don't wanna die! Let me live please please please." The ginger rambles in a complete panic, moving away from Ben.
"Hey, look at me Joey. You're safe. It's just me." Ben says in a soft, soothing voice.
Tears start to stream down Joe's cheeks. "B-Ben?" He whispers, looking at the blond with a glassy look.
Ben nods with a reassuring smile. "Yes, it's just me. You had a bad dream. You're okay." He says. He lies down next to Joe, and sprawls out on the bed. "Want some snuggles?" He asks with a smile.
Joe immediately nods. He crawls close to Ben's body as much as his post-surgery body allows him. After letting his head rest on the boy's shoulder, another sob rips through his body.
Ben puts his arms around his boyfriend, hoping to call him down a bit. "Shhh, I'm here."
Joe buries his face into Ben's neck, crying softly into the boy's chest. "I- I was doing s-so good." He sobs. "I h-haven't dreamt about... him... in t-three months."
Ben gives him a sweet kiss on the head. "Progress comes in its own time Joey. Relapses happen. The important thing is that it was just a dream and that you're safe." He whispers, running his hand through Joe's hair.
"Thank you for waking me." Joe whispers with a sniffle.
Ben smiles. "Of course."

After a while of silence, Joe has managed to stop his tears from flowing. He looks up at Ben, and reaches up to peck his lips.
"Was... was it another flashback?" Ben asks carefully when they break the tender kiss.
Joe nods. "Yeah...-" He whispers. "C-can I please tell you about it? I- I just... don't wanna bottle it up." He mumbles, not looking at Ben.
Ben immediately nods. "Yes, of course. No need to ask that. I'm always here for you if you need to talk." He says, pressing a kiss on Joe's cheek.
Joe smiles a little. "I'm so lucky to have you." He whispers.
"I think the same thing about you every day again." Ben smiles.
Joe intertwines their fingers, taking a deep breath. He opens his mouth to speak, but doesn't know where to start.
When Ben sees the boy struggling to find the right words, he decides to help him a bit. "Want me to start with a question?" He asks.
Joe nods gratefully. "Yes please." He whispers.
Ben closes his eyes as he tries to form a proper question."In your sleep you said something about the shocks? What does that mean?" He asks, rubbing his hand over Joe's back.
Joe's eyes close as a soft sigh leaves his lips. "My f... He had one of those things people use for dogs to train them. You know, those collars that give shocks? He always forced me to wear one around my ankle. Often it was more than just one. Whenever things wouldn't go his way he'd give me a shock. Sometimes it was a shock high enough to make my legs go numb, other times it even made me go unconscious." He gently squeezes Ben's hand, trying to push away the memories of that time.
With wide eyes, Ben looks down at the boy against his chest. He blinks away the tears in his eyes, not wanting to make Joe feel even worse. "Joe... That's awful." He whispers. "I've said it before but I'm gonna say it again. No one deserves to be treated like that by their own family. I'm so sorry." He says softly, giving the boy a look of sympathy.
Joe smiles a little. "Thank you Benny. For everything." He mumbles.
Ben stares at the boy with a big smile. "Always love. You know that." He says before giving him a kiss.
"I love it when you call me that." Joe mumbles with a small smile.
Ben smiles widely at that. "I'll keep that in mind. I'll call you my love more often." He whispers before gently kissing Joe's temple.

"How's your chest feeling? You were tossing around pretty violently. Should I call for the doctor?" Ben asks after a while of silence, trying not to sound too worried.
Joe looks up with a smile. "I don't think that's necessary. I'm a bit sore, but it's bearable without any pain relief for now." Then he suddenly sits up with a frown, immediately regretting that move. With a soft groan, he grabs towards his chest. He lies down again, waiting for the pain to fade.
Ben looks at him with a questioning look. "What's wrong?"
Joe swallows. "You weren't supposed to get out of bed." He whispers. "What if you've worsened your situation by getting out of bed? Than that would be my fault...-"
Ben frowns, trying to come up with a way to reassure Joe. "Don't say that, love. I feel fine." He says.
But Joe shakes his head. "No, you're recovering too slow and now I made it worse." He says in a panic.
"Joey, listen to me." Ben says.
Joe looks at him, allowing Ben to see tears sparkle in his eyes.
"I'm not recovering too slow. I just... pretended like I was still in pain." Ben confesses, looking away in embarrassment.
Joe's eyes widen slightly. "What? But- but... why? I was so worried!" He says, somewhat indignant.
Ben sighs. "Because I don't wanna be discharged." He mumbles.
Joe still doesn't understand it, and looks at his boyfriend with a raised eyebrow. "Why wouldn't you want to be discharged? I thought you said you wanted nothing more than to get out of this place?" He asks confused.
Ben nods. "That's true. But now things are different. What am I gonna do when I get discharged? I can't go home. I don't have a house to live in, I'm not in school, and my mum is in a mental hospital. I can't leave the hospital while you're still here. I can't go back to London knowing my boyfriend is still in a hospital in New York. And I... I just-" He rattles, tears appearing in his eyes.
Joe gives the boy a pitying look. "Sweetheart you're spiralling. Take a deep breath for me, okay?" He leans in and presses his lips against Ben's. "Why didn't you just tell me Benny? I mean, you can trust me."
Ben shrugs. "I know that...-" He mumbles under his breath.
"I was scared you were gonna die, you ass!" Joe says, trying to sound offended. But soon a smile cracks on his face as he's relieved Ben is doing okay.
"I'm sorry for scaring you." Ben whispers with a small smile. He's grateful for Joe trying to cut the tension a bit like this.
Joe runs his hand through Ben's blond locks. "We'll find a solution, okay? I promise." He whispers before placing a kiss on the blond's cheek.
Ben nods. "Okay." He says, clearly relieved. "We should get some sleep." He yawns.
Joe nods in agreement. "Yeah, we should." He mumbles as he closes his eyes. He snuggles closer to the boy's chest, and inhales his scent. "You're so beautiful." He whispers.
Ben lets out a sleepy giggle. "How can you tell when your eyes are closed?"
Joe yawns. "I just know." He mumbles.
Ben gives him a kiss on the head. "Goodnight baby." He whispers. He smirks when he sees Joe's cheeks redden. "The baby thing?" He asks.
Joe buries his face into Ben's neck. "Maybe." He mumbles. "Shush, I'm sleeping." He mumbles when he hears Ben giggle.
"If you say so, love. Sweet dreams." Ben whispers to the ginger in his arms.

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Kisses from me♡