Let me live | Hardzello♡

Chapter 30

With shaking hands, Ben waits for Joe's mother to answer the phone. He knows it might take a while, it's in the middle of the night after all.
"Ben, darling, are you okay?" Is the first thing Ginnie asks when she answers the phone. Her voice sounds a bit strained from just waking up.
Ben is happy he decided against his plan of video calling her, because he must look like a wreck right now. His eyes are watery and puffy, he is shaking all over and his hair is messier than ever. "Uhm, I-I am. But Joe... Joe i-isn't." Is the only thing the boy manages to say before another sob escapes his mouth.
It stays silent on the other side of the line for a few seconds.
And so, Ben starts talking again. "He- he was throwing up blood, and- and they took him away for testing and n-now I don't know how he's doing, and, and I f-feel so helpless! I should've looked after him better, he was feeling bad all day and I didn't do anything...-" He rambles in one go, tears streaming down his face.
And although Ginnie is shocked to hear all this, she decides to calm Ben down first before reacting. "Ben, take a deep breath, okay? I don't want you to have a panic attack." She says in a reassuring voice.
Ben tries to wipe away his tears, knowing having a panic attack won't help Joe. "S-sorry. It just all happened so fast. Before I knew it they took him away." He sniffles.
"I get it, don't worry about it. But, Ben, please don't blame yourself, okay? It's the hospital's job to look after him. Which... which I'm sure they will do...-" Ginnie says. And even though her words sound calm, her voice gives her fear away. "Will you please keep me updated?"
Ben takes a deep breath. "I will." He says. "Sorry I had to bring you this kind of news in the middle of the night." He adds.
"Don't say that, I'm really grateful you called me." She says. "Hang in there, okay? I'll try to do the same."
Ben nods. "Okay. Goodnight."
"Goodnight darling."

|||

An hour later, Ben still hasn't heard anything from either Lucy or the doctor about Joe's situation. And even though it's around five am now, the blond boy is wide awake. After a while his own thoughts really drive him crazy, and so he decides to press the button to ask if Lucy knows anything.
"Hey." Lucy says softly as she enters the room, her face serious instead of smiling like usual.
Ben gives her a pleading look. "I'm sorry, I couldn't stand the waiting anymore." He mutters, hoping she'll tell him about Joe's situation.
Lucy sighs softly, looking down at her shoes.
"Please? I know you're probably not allowed to say anything, but I can't take it anymore. I need to know how he's doing." Ben says, trying not to burst out in tears again. When Lucy doesn't answer, Ben gets a little desperate. "Lucy... It's been over an hour. Just screw those hospital rules and tell me what you know. W-will he be okay?" He pleads.
Lucy sits down next to Ben. "Sweetie... I don't know anything yet, I'm sorry. They're still running tests. They won't tell me anything until they've determined the reason behind all this." She says. She can't imagine how Ben must feel right now.
Ben looks down, tears welling up in his eyes.
"But if they tell me anything, you'll be the first to hear about it, okay? Hospital rules or not." Lucy assures the boy.
Ben nods gratefully. "Thank you." He mumbles.

That's when the door of the room opens. "Lucy, a word?" A doctor who Ben has never seen before now says to the blonde girl.
Lucy nods and gets up, closing the door of the room behind her and the doctor.
It doesn't take very long before she enters the room again.
"And?" Ben immediately asks. "Do they know what's wrong yet?" He bites his lip, fearing the answer.
Lucy takes a deep breath. "Not exactly. But there has been a development." She says a bit hesitant. "They took him to the intensive care a minute ago." She says.
Ben's eyes widen. "The- the intensive care?" He stammers.
Lucy nods. "Yeah. His heart rate has become slow and irregular, down to a point where he is struggling to breathe. That's why they brought him to the intensive care. He's attached to an oxygen machine to get some help with breathing." She explains.
Ben stares straight ahead, taking in all this sudden information. "Take me to him." He mumbles.
Lucy frowns. "Ben, I can't do that. You're not allowed to leave the room." She says as she crosses her arms.
Ben shakes his head. "I don't care, I need to see him. I feel perfectly fine." He says.
But Lucy shakes her head. "Sweetie, you can't leave the room unless you are discharged." she says.
Ben shrugs. "Then discharge me." He says as if it's obvious.
Lucy sighs. "I can't just discharge you Ben. First, the doctor would have to do some tests to see if you're completely recovered, and then the paperwork would have to be done. That's not something that will be done in one night." She sums up.
Ben gives her a desperate look. "Then call the doctor to do those tests!" He begs.
Knowing it won't be much of a convincement for the boy, Lucy points at the time either way. "Ben, it's 05:16 in the morning. All you can do for Joe now is get some sleep, so you're fresh for whatever is to come. Tomorrow we can get everything arranged for you to be discharged, I promise." Lucy says reassuringly.
Ben shakes his head. "I'm not tired." He mumbles.
Lucy crosses her arms. "Yes you are. I promise I will look after him, okay? That's my job." She says.
"Okay then." Ben mumbles. He reaches down to grab Joe's teddy bear off the ground, which had fallen down from the ginger's bed the moment he got taken away from the room. "Can you bring this to Joe?" He asks Lucy.
The girl nods as she takes the teddy bear with a smile. "Of course. Get some rest, okay?"
Ben nods. "Okay. Goodnight." He leans back a little, finally relaxing his muscles after a night of tensing up.
"Goodnight sweetie." Lucy says with a reassuring smile before walking out of the room.

But no matter how hard he tries, Ben knows he won't be able to fall asleep. Terrible scenarios rush through his head, causing the tears to fall again. The thought of Joe attached to a machine to help him breathe scares him to death. He can't stop shaking and sobbing.
What Ben doesn't know, is that his sobbing can be heard in the hallway. Lucy just stands in front of the door of Ben and Joe's room, letting out a shaky breath. During nursing school she was always told to not let the things that happen in the hospital come too close to you. And before Ben and Joe came in, she was doing just fine following that advice. But knowing through how much shit the two young boys have been, she can't help but feel sorry for them. She briefly closes her eyes, listening to the broken sobs coming from the room. Then she starts walking towards the intensive care, so she can bring Joe his teddy bear like she promised Ben.

***

After a full hour of lying curled up under his duvet while still crying softly, Ben decides he can't deal with it anymore. He needs to talk to someone. Of course he has already called Joe's parents to update them, but somehow he feels like he needs to stay strong around them. And so, he grabs his phone after deciding to call Gwil. It's now around six am, so it's not like he'd be calling him in the middle of the night. And Gwil and Rami are going to know about Joe's situation eventually, so Ben might as well call them now.
"Mate, you just stole three hours of my sleep. What the hell is wrong with you?" Is the first thing Gwil grunts when he answers Ben's video call. But when his eyes are opened a bit more, he immediately sits up. "Ben, what's wrong?" He asks concerned when he sees Ben's red, watery and puffy eyes.
"I-it's about Joe." Ben sniffles.
Gwil frowns, telling this can't be very good by the tone of Ben's voice. "W-what is it?"
Ben wipes away his tears. "He was throwing up blood and now he's on the intensive care. I can't take it anymore Gwil. I want to see him so badly but they won't let me...-" He says, still trembling all over.
Gwil's jaw drops. "But- but how can they not let you see him? You two need each other." He says after quite a long silence.
Ben shrugs. "I don't know." He mumbles. "I'm so scared Gwil."
Gwil takes a deep breath. He knows Ben probably called because he needed someone to talk to. "What are you scared of? Did they say what the risks are?" He asks, trying to be as calm as possible.
"Not that discreetly. But what if something goes seriously wrong? He's practically on life support right now. I can't lose him. He doesn't deserve this, I should be the one lying there instead of him." Ben chokes out before starting to cry again. He really didn't know he had any tears left to cry.
Gwil's eyes widen when he hears the blond saying this. "Ben, you can't say stuff like that. You won't lose him, I'm sure of that. And neither of you deserves this. Neither of you should be lying there." He says. He frowns when Ben doesn't respond. "Please tell me you're not actually thinking that you should be the one on life support?"
Ben shrugs, looking away from the screen. "I have to go." He mumbles. Without waiting for Gwil to answer, he ends the call. He tosses his phone aside, and curls up into a small ball. He closes his eyes, and slowly drifts off into a not so nice sleep.

__________________