Lost and Found

communication

A/N: words: 1720. oops. im sorry everyone. i really am. enjoy?

Bucky didn't forget what he had to do. He couldn't add himself to the plate of stress Sam already has, Bucky knows that. So he makes himself... distant. It hurts, all of it, but he knows it's for the better. Maybe that's what they need, their relationship. He just prayed that Sam didn't really notice.

Sam noticed. Ever since he got back, he's noticed that Bucky has been... different. Sam didn't know what happened, but Bucky seemed to distance himself from Sam. And it was killing him. He didn't know what brought it on. Could it have been Sam leaving? He doesn't know. It had almost been a month since Sam got back, and Bucky didn't seem right. He was a bit more closed off. It worried Sam, to say the least. Sam was also getting a bit fed up. It wasn't like Bucky to not tell him things, and he could tell something was bothering him.

"Hey, everything alright?" Sam asked one afternoon as Bucky and him made lunch. Bucky turned to face him and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, why?" Bucky replied calmly, and Sam made a questioning face. "Well, I don't know, you've seemed a bit more closed off." Bucky narrowed his eyes on Sam. "How?" Sam scoffed at the question. "C'mon Buck, you've been quiet, you've been... I don't know, you've been different." Bucky rolled his eyes. Yeah ok, Sam was a bit irritated now. "I'm fine." Sam didn't believe that for a second. "Are you?" Sam questioned. Bucky crossed his arms, their lunch abandoned. "Don't I look it?"

"No! That's exactly what I'm trying to explain to you if you'd just listen to me." Sam cried, flailing his arms. "Oh my god." Bucky muttered under his breath. Sam's blood was boiling. This was the dumbest argument Sam's ever had with someone. "Just give me a straight answer." Sam said, the irritation laced in his voice. "I just did." Bucky shouted, his hands in his hair. "You were clearly lying, c'mon Buck. I know you." Sam dismissed. Buck signed heavily, and Sam could sense the anger radiating off of him. "I'm fine Sam, just, drop it." Bucky told him, but he and Sam both knew that wouldn't be done easy.

"I don't get it, I'm just trying to help, Buck. Why are you pushing me away?" Sam questioned, leaning against the counter. Bucky's eyes went wide. "I'm not pushing you away." Bucky protested, but Sam wasn't having it. "You are." Sam said sternly. Bucky clicked his tongue. "God I miss being alone."

That made Sam snap. "Do you, wallowing in your own self-pity, self-hatred, alone? Sound pretty great." Sam spat out bitterly. A humourless chuckle escape Bucky's lips. "Oh I'm sorry, what were you doing before this, before us?" Bucky questioned angrily. Sam rolled his eyes. "Finding you!" Sam's eyes burned with angry tears. This couldn't have been happening. This was absolutely ridiculous.

"Do you ever wonder why it was so hard to find me? Maybe it was because I never wanted to be found." Bucky's words are barely a whisper by the end, but he spits out every word like venom. Sam could feel the tears spilling from his eyes.

"Oh yeah? Well then, maybe you should've told me that before. Told me you didn't want to be found before you found your way into my heart." Sam's words were broken and choked out, but Sam felt every last one.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I need you as much as you need me!" Sam cried, and Bucky felt tears burning his eyes. "When I found you, I found a part of myself. I loved you for days on end, in case you forgot. But I guess that doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Bucky was speechless. He loved Sam, and Sam loved him. Over this stupid argument, Bucky forgot. He forgot how much he loved Sam. Something he never ever saw himself doing.

After Bucky stays silent, tears streaming from his eyes, Sam shakes his head. "Good talk." Sam muttered out bitterly, and slammed the door.

Sam made his way to his car, trying to keep the tears at bay until then. Once he got into his car, he sobbed. He sobbed harder than he ever had before. Everything, the months that he spent with Bucky, gone in an instant because of some stupid argument. Sam felt like he was going to burst. He felt like his insides were burning, a horrible, horrible, heat that eats him from the inside out. He sobbed, pressing his head against the steering wheel. He loved Bucky, and now, without him by his side while he cries, he feels numb. Broken.