Lost and Found

Together at peace

A/N: words: 1621. I can't express how much I adore this fic. Its insane. I love it, I love where its going. I love it. Anyways, enjoy friends!

They sat across from each other in a comfortable silence. Sam has since stopped shaking, but he is still pretty shaken. Bucky doesn't pry, he knows not to. He lets Sam sit in his thoughts, as he sits in his own. It's comforting, having company, even if the company was recovering from a panic attack. Bucky was concerned for him, like any decent human being would be, but it was different. He felt a twinge of pain go through his own heart when he looked at Sam, like just with a look, he understood what Sam's going through, without being told. There was one thought running through Bucky's head. What did Sam mean by 'not anymore'?

After about 30 minutes, Sam doesn't really know, he calmed down, and looks up at Bucky, who's drinking his own tea while staring into space. He takes note of the bags under the man's eyes, the hollow look in his eyes, the permanent frown. It was all too reminiscent of what Sam was like. "Thanks." Sam mumbled, still under the 3 blankets. Did he feel like a child? Somewhat. Did he feel taken care of? Yes. For the first time in months, he felt taken care of. Bucky looked up at the sudden noise and nodded, his frown softening, but still not a smile.

Sam was right, this wasn't the same guy who wore the charming smile, taking girls dancing, a sparkle in his eyes. No, this was a guy trying to get by, someone in pain, someone who needed someone. But Sam didn't know if he wanted someone. That was the kicker, wasn't it? As much as you need something, as much pain as you're in, you still act stubborn, like you can do it alone. Sam knows, Barnes knows, only with Barnes, he's burying it, not wanting to admit that he needs help. Because he's afraid of getting hurt. Both are at a rough place right now, so maybe that's how they build themselves back up. Together. Not like a fragile piece of glass, waiting to break. No, they're far past their breaking points. Now they pick up the lost pieces. Together.

"Um, how are you?" Bucky stammered out quietly, timidly. Sam smiled softly. "Better now." Sam replied, and Bucky just nodded. Sam figured he should melt down the tension between them. "Were you here the entire time?" Sam asked hesitantly. Sure, he wanted to get rid of the tension, but he doesn't know if Barnes actually wanted to talk. "Yeah, I was." Sam couldn't believe Barnes was right under his nose, right there. "Was it you who knocked on my door earlier?" Bucky added, and Sam smiled again. "Yeah, I was trying something." Bucky nodded, eyes fixed on the ground. Sam doesn't think he's getting anywhere with the small talk, so he ends it.

In reality, the small talk really helped Bucky. He got a warm feeling in his chest. This man actually wanted to talk to him. He could've immediately called Steve, but he didn't. The feeling left immediately. Will he call Steve? Bucky still doesn't know if he wanted to reunite with Steve. He was in a weird place right now, and for some reason, he felt a pull to Sam. "Um, are you gonna tell Steve where I am?" Bucky inquired, eyes finally wandering to Sam.

Sam hesitated. The tone of Bucky's voice tells Sam that he doesn't want him to. It makes Sam head spin. "Do you want me to?" Sam asked in return, and Bucky took a deep breath. "I honestly don't know. I don't think so." and Sam was okay with that. Look, as much as he wanted to help Steve, he had to respect what Barnes wanted. "Ok, then I won't." Sam said firmly, and through all of this, the stress of Riley left him. Sure, it still hurt, but it wasn't the only thing on his mind. Now, he had the soft voice of Barnes to think about, how the comforting words came. It was good.

Bucky whispered a small "thank you." He hadn't expected Sam to say that, by any means, but he's happy he did. It was kind of him to respect Bucky like that. It almost made Bucky smile. Almost.

Sam sighed deeply, lost in thought. For some reason, this place felt comforting. Sure, it was dingy and cold, but there was nice about it. The smell of green tea feeling the air, with the light rain fall outside. And Barnes. Sam couldn't place it, but there was something that Sam felt pulled to him. Maybe that's why he never left the parking lot. Because, even though he didn't know it, he had Barnes up in the apartment.

"Want more tea?" Bucky's voice cut through the silence, and Sam looked up at him, well, where he was. Now, he was in the kitchen, pouring himself some tea and grabbing a plum. Sam cracked a smile. The thought of it was funny, but the sight of Barnes being domestic was downright adorable, and hilarious. He had his hair pulled in a little ponytail, strands framing his face. Sam is going to pretend he didn't just think the man was adorable, obviously. It's unimportant, ok? Anyway, he made his way over to the kitchen, a wider smile on his face now.

And Bucky's heart fluttered at the sight. Sam had a look about him, the sparkling brown eyes, his toothy smile that looks real, true. It made Bucky want to smile, so he did. He smiled since, Bucky doesn't know when. Smiled at the man in front of him. And it was the best feeling in the world.

Sam saw Bucky's lips quirk up, how his eyes softened as he smiled, and the genuine joy being showcased in the smile, even though it was small. "Sure, I'll have some more tea. Thanks, Barnes." Sam answered, as he went to grab his mug. Bucky nodded, the smile not fading. It felt great. It felt great to smile. Tears made him feel human, but so did smiling. So did Sam.

Bucky moved the mug across to Sam, and he nodded in thanks. They went back to drinking in silence, but now it was different. Still comfortable, but it felt more open.

Sam peered at the numbers written in red on the oven. 10:14 pm. He sighed and took the last sip of his tea. Bucky looked up at Sam from across the counter. Before he can question Sam, Sam spoke. "Well, I should go. I don't wanna bother you anymore." Sam said, and something in him told him that he didn't want this. "Thanks, again." Sam added, and made his way out the door. Bucky shook his head. He needed to figure himself out, yeah, but maybe he doesn't have to do it alone. Something's lost until someone else finds it, right? Before Sam can open the door, Bucky stopped him.

"Wait." Bucky called out, and Sam turned to him, confused. "Listen," Bucky started, "I don't want you to have to sleep in that car every night. The hotels you can afford here aren't really 5 stars, and I just," Bucky took a deep breath, "I enjoyed the company today, and I get it if you don't wanna stay with me but I just..." Bucky trailed off, but Sam caught every word, and it warmed his heart. He wanted him to stay. Sam smiled. "Thank you, but I don't wanna be a burden. And I doubt you'll trust someone you just met." Sam said. He really, really wanted to stay with him, but he didn't wanna feel like added stress.

Bucky huffed. "You won't be a burden. And the only person I don't trust in this room is myself." Bucky let it slip before he could catch himself, and winced. Sam saw it. He saw the wince, the showing himself being vulnerable scared Bucky. Like Sam. Sam shook his head. "I trust you." Sam countered, and he meant every bit of it. Bucky looked taken aback, but smiled, again.

"Thank you, Wilson." Bucky said, sincere. Sam smiled, too, and walked back into the apartment. Bucky glanced nervously around the apartment, and considered where the man could sleep. Sam caught on quick. "I'll take the couch." Sam said with a grin, and Bucky nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was... different. It wasn't awkward as it was confusing. How they winded up here, neither of them could figure out. And both lied there, both dreading sleep. Sam's mind went back to Riley, because of course it did. He found the picture from his pocket. He had mostly preserved it, the water didn't get to it too much. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He smiled because of the picture, remembering the day like it was yesterday. He had taken Riley to meet his family, and they invited him with open arms. It was a good day. He sniffled and tucked the picture back in his pocket, hoping the nightmares weren't too bad.

Bucky heard the sniffle, and his heart broke in two. Sam didn't deserve pain, Bucky could tell. He was brave, he was kind, he was trusting, he had a smile that lit up Bucky's apartment, he didn't deserve any amount of pain. He looked over at Sam, and heard his steady, even paced breaths. He might not have been asleep, but he certainly looked at peace. And Bucky felt at peace. In his cold apartment, with a man he barely knew, he felt at peace.

Bucky fell asleep a little while after that. He knew the nightmares would come for the two, but if they were together, they could do it. Bucky had faith.