Lost and Found

Different

A/N: words: 1611. These two are so sweet it hurts, my god. Is this a mess? Well, yeah, but it works, and its my mess, and I'm very proud of it. So yeah, enjoy!

Sam's eyes flutter open, and he's greeted by the soft humming of Bucky Barnes, who's pouring coffee into two mugs. He has his hair pulled up in a bun, small strands falling to frame his face. The sun shines through the window and spotlights him perfectly, and Sam couldn't help but stare at him. Bucky turned around with the mugs in hand and raised an eyebrow at Sam.

"May I help you?" Bucky inquired playfully, setting the mug down beside Sam. Sam smiled, his eyes never leaving Bucky. "Why are you up so early?" Sam asked, but he felt like he knew the answer. "Couldn't sleep." Bucky murmured honestly, and Sam nodded, sitting up and grabbing his coffee.

Whenever one of them had nightmares, the other never pushed to talk. Only if it was bad. If it was bad, the other would make tea, wrapped the other in a blanket, and hold the other's hand. Then, they'd quietly mutter a "Wanna tell me what happened?". And that was it. And they picked up on each others cues. For Sam, Bucky saw that his mouth would stay in a frown, and would focus his eyes on anything he could find. He held his hands by his stomach, and would fidget with them most of the time, as he stumbled over words, sobs bursting from his lips. For Bucky, Sam noticed how eyes darken, how he always looked down, almost like he was ashamed. He noticed that his tears were silent at first, but became more apparent the quieter he got.

They also knew when it wasn't too bad. Sam would look around, and his would usually cross his arms over his chest. If tears came, which they often did, it was more controlled. Bucky, on the other hand, kept his eyes on Sam if they talked, and if they didn't, he stared at the ceiling, fidgeting with his hands, letting a few sniffles out here and there.

They drank in silence, the only sound being the buzz of the city, but even that was pretty quiet. Quiet. It was nice. Sam's mind raced back to his thoughts from last night. Ah, yes, he is madly in love with the man beside him. How could he forget? Maybe madly was a bit much, but nonetheless. He's trying to process it, figure out what to do with it, but each time he thinks of why, more importantly how, he can't. In his mind, it's just so obvious to Sam. Bucky helps him when he's at his lowest, he doesn't run when he definitely could. Bucky understands Sam. He makes him smile, makes him laugh. Bucky trusted him, which says a lot, all things considered. Sam trusted Bucky, so of course he would love him. It's a no brainer, really.

Sam smiled softly, taking the last sip from his coffee. He really needed to figure this out. As much as it was obvious, Sam still had no idea how to handle it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Sam stirred the pasta sauce, his thoughts drifted back to Bucky, yet again. Even though he was feet away, he couldn't feel farther from him. His mind was scattered, everything coming at him at once. What is he supposed to do with these new found feelings? It would be hard to act on them, considering the ex assassin from the 40s probably doesn't reciprocate these feelings, it would be extremely hard to act on them.

Fortunately for Sam, someone across the room thought different. Bucky watched as Sam floated about the kitchen, and a smile took over his face. God, he adored this man. The way he moved about the kitchen, humming a song Bucky hadn't heard of but was sure he'd be forced to listen to. He just made Bucky smile, and Sam made him happy in general. It was calming, grounding, that just one person could make Bucky happy for the first time in years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

They sat at lunch in silence, stealing glances when the other one wasn't looking. It was still fairly quiet outside, and it felt like it was only the two of them in the world. The sky was cloudy, the streets at peace, and there the two men sat, feet away, but worlds apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the day went on, Bucky noticed something different. Sam was quiet, which was rare. They sat on the couch, Sam playing something on his laptop, but it was odd. Sam seemed spaced out, lost in his thoughts. Which was normal for the both of them, but Sam was normally bubbly, and only spaced out at night.

"Sam?" Bucky called out after 10 minutes of silence, and Sam perked up, looking like he had just been woken up. "Yeah?" Sam replied, sounding like his normal self. "You good?" Bucky questioned, to which Sam just nodded. Bucky wasn't convinced, but if Sam wanted to talk, he'd talk. Bucky hoped.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following morning, Bucky could sense something was off. Sam was quiet, deep in thought. Did he have a nightmare and not tell Bucky? Does he not want to be here anymore? Bucky shook the thought from his brain as he sipped his coffee. If he started thinking like that, he'd spiral, and he didn't need to do that right now.

Meanwhile, Sam had thoughts of his own. He thought that falling for Bucky was obvious, and maybe it was. Maybe he was overthinking it all. But if it was so easy, so obvious, why was it so difficult to understand? Sure, the guy was an ex assassin who ripped his steering wheel out of his car, but that isn't the part he's caught up on. The part he's caught up on is the fact that Sam just fell in love with him. And, now he doesn't know what to do. He hasn't gotten feelings like this since... well, Riley. And somehow, it's different from those, too. Because now, Sam has a loss weighing on his shoulders. And he's found someone who can make him laugh. He's found someone with a smile that can, just for a moment, make Sam's world stop. Make him feel like he's in the air, free, calm, but always kept on his toes. Bucky, with just a smile, or a joke, can lift the pain, the loss, everything off of Sam for a second. And when it hurts too much, when the pain is too overwhelming, Bucky has him. He'll always be there for him. But why was it so hard to wrap his mind around

Sam knows he can't act on these feelings, so, does he just sit with them, wait until they go away? That can't be too easy when they live together, and go everywhere together. More burning thoughts to take up Sam's time. Fun.

Bucky got up to take both of their mugs, but stopped to take a better look at Sam. His face was unreadable, almost like he was in a daze. His face looked relaxed, but something in his eyes told Bucky he was confused. By what, Bucky didn't know. And he hadn't spoken all morning. It was odd.

"You've been quiet, you sure everything's alright?" Bucky inquired from the kitchen, his voice laced in concern. That seemed to shake Sam from his daze, and when Bucky turned, he saw Sam grinning his big grin and raised an eyebrow. "What, Barnes, you miss me?" Sam asked playfully, and Bucky rolled his eyes. "Depends." Bucky answered, sitting back down on his bed. Sam scoffed, but Bucky saw the same look in his eyes.

"You didn't answer my question." Bucky spoke softly, but by his tone, Sam knew he wanted an answer. Sam sighed and faced Bucky completely. "I've just had a lot to think about, that's all." Sam replied, and Bucky a felt a wave of relief wash over his body. "I, I didn't do anything, did I?" and at that moment, Sam's heart broke a bit. He smiled softly and shook his head. "No, Buck, everything you've done for me here, I couldn't be more thankful." Sam just realized how close they were at that moment. Sam noticed the tears welling in Bucky's eyes and sank down to Bucky's bed. They both shuffled a bit to sit properly. Sam gingerly placed his hand on Bucky's knee, and Bucky smiled softly. "Thank you." Bucky whispered, his eyes on Sam's face. A lot was happening this morning.

Bucky took in just how breathtaking Sam looked this morning. His were a beautiful chocolate brown, and he already felt himself getting lost into them. The small smile on Sam's face could light up Bucky's world. Well, maybe it already has. He felt a strong urge to hug him, make him feel safe, feel safe and secure. It was a long way from being scared of the smallest brush of the hand.

Sam got the same feeling. To push past any barriers that they put up for no specific reason. Because they could be open with each other. They didn't need to put up any walls, never needed to put on a fake smile. Because this was real. "C'mere." Sam muttered out, and Bucky basically fell into his arms, his head falling into Sam's shoulder. His metal arm wrapped around Sam's waist, and he fully expected Sam to flinch away from the touch. Instead, he stayed put, wrapping his own arms around Bucky's torso. It's comforting, to finally feel a loving touch.

Bucky buried his head more into the crook of Sam's neck, and Sam smiled softly. Sam didn't know what they were anymore, but he wasn't so sure it was platonic. At least not anymore.