Lost and Found

Letters

A/N: words: 1622. Hello. I am alive. And I'm projecting again. Oops. I'm doing great. ANYWAY, enjoy!

A week later, Sam woke up to the sound of pencil scratching beside him, and saw Bucky up right in bed, a blanket draped over his shoulders. "Hey." Sam said groggily, sitting up. Bucky looked up quickly, like he was startled. "Hi." Bucky said, a small smile on his face. Sam's eyes landed on the journal in Bucky's hand. "Nightmare?" Sam asked, voice drenched in concern. Bucky shook his head softly. "No, actually, they've been few and far between since, well since we..." Bucky trailed off, and Sam smiled, nodding his head. "Yeah, I know, did for me too." Bucky smiled at him. He closed the book and searched Sam's face.

"What's wrong?" Bucky questioned, his voice tender and caring. Sam raised an eyebrow. "Nothing, why?" Sam replied. Bucky shook his head. "I know that look. You're worried, what is it?" Bucky grabbed Sam's hands, and Sam sighed. "What were you writing?" Sam inquired, and watched as Bucky looked away. "Buck, I'm sorry I shouldn't have-" Sam is cut off by Bucky shaking his head, telling him to it's ok. "I just log my day, like we did way back when. Making notes of everything that happened and such. And sometimes while you're out or sleeping, I write. Just little things." Bucky explained, a small smile on his lips. Sam smiled at Bucky, holding his gaze as Bucky flipped through the pages. "I see." Sam responded.

"So, you're really not havin' any more nightmares?" Sam asked as Bucky put the journals back on the palette against the wall. Bucky nodded. "Yeah, I mean, maybe one or two, but they're not too bad." Bucky explained. "You?" Bucky questioned, sitting back down beside Sam. Sam shrugged. "Same thing." Sam answered, and Bucky smiled. "I'm glad." Bucky yawned, and crashed dramatically onto the newly assembled bed. Sam rolled his eyes and laid his head next to Bucky, staring into the steel blue eyes that stare right back. Bucky smiled at him, tracing circles on Sam's arm.

Sam closed his eyes, feeling truly at peace. Bucky smiled wider. This was it, right here, this was what he dreamt about. In his childhood bedroom, he would dream about. He could barely remember the bedroom, but he knows this is what he has always wanted. This is the dream. He has always wanted Sam. Whether he knew it was gonna be Sam or not, it had to be Sam. Sam knew him, Sam made him smile, made him laugh, Sam trusted him. And most importantly, Sam loved him. Bucky didn't believe in soulmates, thought the whole thing was kinda odd, but now that he's with Sam, he knows that no one else in the world could love him the way Sam loves him. And Bucky could never love someone the way he loves Sam. So maybe, they were made for each other, it just took a lot of chance to get to each other. Bucky heard the even breaths come from the man beside him and shuts his eyes. "I love you." Bucky muttered out, before drifting off to a peaceful sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam noticed Bucky writing in the journal more and more as the days went on. Every night before bed, when Sam finished getting ready, he saw Bucky writing, and then he would put it down as Sam got into bed. It wasn't bothering Sam, he was just curious, and a bit confused. Every time Sam walked into the room, he couldn't even read Bucky's face. This has gone on for about 5 days.

Tonight it isn't any different. Sam walked out of the bathroom, and makes his way under the covers. Bucky sets the journal down and looked at Sam. "Hi." Bucky said, smiling. Sam chuckled softly, leaning on Bucky's shoulder. "Hello." Sam said softly, and sighed deeply. Bucky wrapped his arm around Sam, pulling him closer. Sam smiled softly, shutting his eyes. Then, the damn question pops into his head. "Hey, Buck?" Sam said, and Bucky hummed. "You don't have to answer this, but why do you only write when I'm away?" Sam questioned, and heard Bucky sigh deeply. He knew it, he knew he shouldn't have asked.

Before he can take back his statement, however, Bucky answered. "It's a surprise." yeah, that left Sam more confused. "Ok, then." Sam said, a yawn cutting off his words. Bucky smiled, and moved his arm, allowing Sam to lie down. Sam laid his head on Bucky's chest, the heartbeat calming him to sleep.

Bucky smiled down at Sam and picked up his journal, waiting until he heard soft snores come from Sam to write. Once he did, he began writing again, in his small cursive writing he hadn't left behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Bucky watched the clock on the oven strike 1 am, he figured he should go to sleep. He couldn't wait for Sam's reaction. He set his journal down and closed his eyes, securing an arm around Sam. He fell asleep shortly after, a small smile on his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a couple of days since Sam asked about the journal, and as Sam walked through the door with groceries, he saw a bouncy Bucky Barnes, with a piece of paper in his hand. "Hello." Bucky greeted him, putting the paper in his back pocket. Sam raised an eyebrow. "Hi." Sam said, and he watched Bucky walk towards him, and felt Bucky kiss his forehead. Sam grinned and began taking out the groceries, and Bucky started helping.

"Why are you so happy?" Sam questioned as he watched Bucky walk with a pep in his step. "You'll see." Bucky replied, and Sam was still confused. He let it go, and after they finished packing away the groceries, Sam flopped onto the bed, feeling Bucky sit beside him.

Wordlessly, Bucky laid the piece of paper on Sam's stomach, and Sam looked up at Bucky. Slowly, he grabbed the paper, his eyes not leaving Bucky. "What are you looking at me for? Read." Bucky said, and Sam shook his head, chuckling softly. His eyes fell to the paper.

Sam,

I don't remember much from my childhood, but I do remember everyone talking about how they'd settle down and such after the war. Start a family, all that. And I wanted that too, but I never knew when I'd get it. First, when I figured out I could be bi (I looked that up, be proud), I started seeing that future fall, just a bit. If I couldn't love who I loved, then what was the point? Then, after I was drafted, I saw my future dwindle a bit more. Sure, it wasn't impossible to move on afterwards, but everything was so risky at the time, I got less and less hope. Then, when I woke up in a metal bed, with a metal arm, and a foggy mind, I saw it fall. Fall like a lost star. I knew that I couldn't get my dream from there. I lost it, let it fall between my fingers. But some days, the days when I let myself close my eyes, I could see it. I could see a future, a home, a peace, something to make me smile. And I didn't know it back then, but that vision, the dream, it was you. Everything led to you. Through all my pain, all my yearning to go back to what I once knew, I found you. You, the man to make me smile since who knows how long, the man that made me feel like I'm home. You made me feel like I was living in a dream. I pinch myself every time I see you smile, every time I see you lying there beside me, to make sure it was real. And it is. You're real, you're really with me. Against all odds, you hold my hand, you hold me close. It's you.

And I love you

- J.B

Sam wiped the tears fell from his eyes, and gently set the letter down. He looked up at Bucky, who looked at him with those soft and tender eyes. Sam smiled at him, and made his way closer. "I love you, so damn much." Sam told him, hands cupping Bucky's face. Bucky smiled back. "I love you too."

They kissed, slowly and softly, tender and gentle. It felt right. It felt so right. This wasn't a dream, Bucky reminded himself. He finally got to settle down, with the man he loved. And it was everything he could hope for.

They pulled apart slowly, resting their foreheads together. Bucky couldn't stop the smile that came over his face. Sam smiled back, and they stayed like that for a while. Enjoying each other's company, everything in the world stopping, just for them. At least that's what it felt like. Like the world only spun for them, at that very moment. Sam moved his hands to wrap around Bucky's neck, playing with his hair. Bucky smiled wider. This was heaven on earth. This was the moment that they both realized that all their pain, all their tears, it led to this moment. It led to each other. They lost themselves, and then they found each other in the process.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they got up to make lunch, Sam grabbed the letter and folded it, putting it inside his bag. That letter meant more to Sam than Bucky or himself, for that matter, could comprehend. He knew that those words would stay with him until he was buried, that even if his world turns upside down, he knows that he'll have that letter to get him through. Because right now, it's real, and one day, it'll be a distant memory, which makes this day all the more special.