Fall For Me

22

EDITED

22

"You should've told me you were overwhelmed." Matt said, seriously. "You realize you just fucked up everything, right?"

"God dammit, I know, okay? I didn't think it through and that was dumb of me. I don't even know what to do." I groaned, running my hand through my hair.

"I don't know either." The annoyance in his time becoming clear. "I'm going to go find Jaycee and make sure she gets back to her dorm safely."

Jaycee's POV

I spent a long time out on the track, simply walking and thinking.

I was tired and just wanted to go to my dorm, but I didn't know if Dylynn was willing to welcome me in.

"Hey, Jaycee." I stopped walking and saw Matt. He held up one of my jackets that was probably left in Jackson's dorm. I shrugged it on.

"Hi."

"Let's get you back to your dorm?" Matt suggested.

"Dylynn doesn't like me."

"And Allen hates me, but we deal with each other. Come on."

I reluctantly followed Matt to the dorm room I shared with Dylynn.

"So you talked to Jackson?" I whispered as we walked.

"Briefly. He screwed up bad."

I know.

"How are you, Jaycee? Like, honestly. I know this path month has been hectic for you."

"It hurts, you know?"

"It's all a lot right now."

"Can I tell you something, Matt? Really serious?" He looked confused, but nodded.
"I don't think I'm going to enroll again next fall. I think I'm going to go home and do community college or go to Notre Dame de Namur." I wiped the back of my hand over my watery eyes. "I don't know right now, but what I do know is that, as of right now, I don't want to be here anymore. I don't even want to be in California. I can't live here without Claire and there's no reason to stay without Jackson."

Matt stayed silent until we reached the door to my dorm room. He sighed and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Don't leave, Jaycee. I know what Jackson did to you was downright horrible, but is it possible you could forgive him?"

I shook my head as I sniffled. "I don't think so."

"Don't leave - don't tell the board just yet, that you don't think you'll be re-enrolling next year. Just wait, do it for me. If you can't do it for me, do it for Claire and Josh."

Claire. Claire's still here. She may not be my roommate anymore and she may not be right next to me in flesh, but I know she is in spirit.

And that's what has kept me going this past month. And that's what will be getting me past this next month.

"Okay." I whispered. "Thank you, Matt. Now do me a favor, please?"

"Make sure Jackson takes care of himself." I mumbled. Matt gave me sad nod as I stepped into my dorm room.

As much as I would like to hate Jackson for doing what he did, I couldn't. I genuinely care about him and I need to make sure he stays healthy in all aspects.

I sat on my bed and stared at my phone, scrolling through to find someone, anyone, to talk to. Someone that wasn't here, that I didn't have to see everyday. It made me wish that I still spoke to my old friends back from high school.

At high school graduation, you hug your friends and you all promise to stay in touch. And you all do...for about two weeks... and then slowly, you stop hearing from each other. Little by little.

I sighed and once again found myself rereading my conversations with Claire. I'm one to never delete a conversation, whether it be for revenge or reminiscing or anything. I don't like to let go of the past.

All of these ugly selfies and the weird texts we've sent to one another...I miss it. Everything has gone haywire since that dumb ass drunk driver.

It's so unfair. He breaks the rules, he lives. She follows the rules, she's the one that has to suffer the consequences and die.

It doesn't even itself out.

"Jaycee, you're getting annoying." Dylynn mumbled from the corner. She's had earbuds in this whole time, so I guess I was being pretty loud if she could still hear me. "Seriously, stop."

But, even if I was being a little annoying because of how upset I was, it's not really my fault.

And at this point, I was sick of allowing her to treat me like shit.

"Dylynn, do you realize what has been going on throughout this school this past month?" I asked, but I didn't wait for her to reply. "You're laying on the bed of my best friend who died because some idiotic drunk driver hit her and killed her. And you want to know what you told me the day after she died? To shut up." I sat up now, really getting into this.

It wasn't really all toward her. I was merely angry at the world in general. But there was no stopping my rage now.

"And a couple hours ago? I walked in on this guy that I really liked, that I had a thing with, making out with another girl. I'm really a mess right now, and I have no one to talk to. Claire was the only girl friend I had, the only one I thought I would ever need. I'm falling apart and I just don't know what to do."

I fell backward onto my bed, laying horizontally. My chest heaved as I sobbed into my hands, staring up at the ceiling.

I felt the bed next to me sink down.

"Jaycee, I had no idea. I-I'm so sorry. I-I feel like a-"

"I wasn't looking for pity. Just understanding." I muttered between sobs.

"Hey, sit up." Dylynn pulled my arms up and looked at me.

This is the first actual conversation she and I have had.

"I know, I have given you no reason to want to even speak to me, but I want to help you and be here for you. I'm not ever going to be a Claire to you because, whoever she may be, she was so important to you. But you know what? I'm going to try and be as close to what Claire was as I can. If you'll let me." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. "Ever since I was little, I have wanted my roommate to become my best friend. Now I'm not going to try and replace Claire, but I think we should be friends."

Wow. So maybe Dylynn wasn't as heartless as I had expected. She seemed so terrible, after all of those times she's cussed me out, telling me to shut up.

I guess you have to really know someone to understand them.

•••
Okay guys, so I know you get really excited and stuff and are super eager as to what might happen next, but if I just updated two days ago, don't be begging me for a new update. Now if it ever takes me 8 months to update again, then go ahead and spam with 'update' comments.

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- emily