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At the Beginning Again

At the Beginning Again         

 

Ever did something in your life that you thought was the right thing but you regretted the feeling of mix emotions that the action left you with?

            I knew that feeling and I knew it well. The last two weeks that followed after my run in with Evan in the hall left me continuously questioning the decisions that I had made. To make it even worse Macy, who was always a hundred percent on my side hundred percent of times, had told me once again that she did not support my decisions.

            I found myself asking myself three questions that I didn't like the answer to because it made me feel like a fool;

Am I a coward?

I'm I really going to let some stupid dream no matter how painful it was dictate my decisions?  

Wasn't there an old adage that says it was better to have love and lost to have not loved at all?

            The latter may not necessarily apply but I know you get the drift. This last week had been particularly hard as I had continuously caught glances of Evan all over the school and I found myself missing our daily interaction.

            To my further dismay I found Macy talking to him not once but twice before history class and on both occasions when they saw me they clammed up. This was particularly odd as while Evan and I had been friends Macy and him had never really spoken but now all of a sudden they were secret buddies.

            By the time Friday rolled around, I had diagnosed myself with depression and Cymbalta wasn't the cure, it was Evan Parker. The only thing was I wasn't sure if I had enough confidence to go up to him and confess that I had made a mistake and our friendship deserved a chance. I walked to my history class as Macy had ditched me sometime in the last ten minutes.

            I bend the corner and what I saw made me seethe. Macy and Evan were having a conversation outside the classroom. I hasted my step and when they heard me approaching they separated and I heard Evan murmur what sounded like later before going into the class.

            I followed her into the class and as soon as we sat next to each other I asked, "What was that about out there?"

            "What?" she asked trying to play clueless but failing miserably.

She noticed my raised eyebrow which signified I wasn't falling for her little act so she sighed and said, "It's nothing to worry yourself about, just catching up with an old friend."

I didn't even bother myself responding to what I considered a stupid,full of bull answer. I had a feeling that something was up. She leaned over and squeezed me on my shoulder. Though I didn't feel appeased, I did feel better though.

"Look, I know you've been stressed lately so I have decided for the both of us that we are going to a party tonight," Macy said after a minute of silence.

"No," I responded.

"You could say your an alien for all I care. I'm coming over this afternoon and we're getting ready together to have fun and to pull you out of your sad state of affairs," she said.

I didn't even bother objecting a second time. I knew it wouldn't make a difference, she had already made up her mind and willing or not I would be going to that party tonight.