Scared

Chapter 10

John often found that he couldn't express what he wanted to say.

In his mind, everything made sense, but then, it was like his mouth wasn't able to properly form the words he was desperately trying to say, which was frustrating him.

A lot.

He found himself often crying at the feeling of utter powerlessness that reduced him to that sensation.

'I'm not stupid! Listen to me!' was what his brain was screaming, but all that was escaping his mouth were those pathetic sobs and wails that had given him the nickname of annoying crybaby for all his school life.

All his peers were annoyed by him, not understanding that all John needed was some help and understanding and not teases and pranks.

Teachers weren't understanding that either; for them, all John was was a very annoying and problematic child.

"I'm sorry ma'am, we can't do anything to that retarded nephew of yours" would rudely say the majority of the teachers to Mimi, whenever she was asking them why John was always coming home in tears.

Mimi was angry, furious. John wasn't retarded. He just needed a caring hand helping and encouraging him to keep going. He just needed a little understanding and patience.

But those things weren't seen by anyone but her.

Things seemed to look forward when John was finally free to leave secondary school and attend college at age 16.

It had been incredibly hard, a very strenuous work; how many evenings and well into the night had Mimi passed on books together with John, trying to help him study for the ending exams and to make sure he could get into a college.

There wasn't any alternative, it wasn't like John could get a job down at the docs like the majority of young men, or any other job.

John was very discouraged. Years of hearing teachers call him too stupid for school had left its mark.

"Why bother?" he would cry out, looking at Mimi with red rimmed, puffy eyes after the umpteent crying spell, "They won't even take me!" and oh, how much did Mimi's heart hurt at hearing her beloved nephew belittling himself so much.

And only because his teachers didn't believe in him at all and had never believed in him in the first place.

In the end, John managed to pass, with the lowest acceptable grades, but he managed to nevertheless.
That night, Mimi and his other aunties had bought him a cake and John was so happy he ended up crying.

But for once, his tears regarding school were happy tears. And Mimi was very proud of him.

John was enrolled into Art School. He was very ecstatic and nervous and Mimi hadn't seen him so happy since his first day of preschool.

The happy, mischievous glint was sparking back into his big almond shaped eyes and he was smiling brightly over breakfast.

On his way to school, though, - Mimi had let him walk down there with their neighbor, Pete, who was also John's best and only friend - doubts were overtaking his confidence.

"What if they don't like me? What if they start teasing me?" he was rambling, hands trembling and he was biting his bottom lip so hard the skin was about to tear.

Pete sighed, "John, c'mon, don't worry. College is different from our previous school" he reassured.

John hummed, stopping biting his lip, until he gasped loudly, "What if they were right?"

"Who?"

"Our teachers! What if I'm really too stupid?" his shoulders had slumped and his eyes had got teary, all his enthusiasm gone.