six of crows oneshots + stories

regret is the worst punishment: kanej pt. 2/3

continuation of the previous oneshot! so much angst in this one. also thank you to thorne_24 for commenting and voting it means so much to me :))

kaz pov

Kaz still stood looking out the window but not really seeing anything long after Inej had slid out and disappeared. After the sounds of the Slat died down, he retreated to his desk. He then sat at his desk well into the night, lost in his thoughts and emotions. By the time the sun broke out over the horizon, Kaz's dark circles had somehow gotten even darker. He had spent the night in an internal battle with himself.

Why had he said those things to her?

She was telling me what to do.

She obviously knows better than you do.

That doesn't give her a right.

Why don't you go tell her that you're sorry?

Only fools say sorry.

You're plenty foolish right now.

Jesper was foolish and look what happened.

Just because you were mad at Jesper didn't mean that you could get mad at her, too.

She started saying that I would dismiss her if she screwed up something.

Would you?

Absolutely not.

Then why didn't you say that instead of whatever it was you did last night, you absolute idiot?

I...I don't know.

Go find her before she truly leaves for good. If she had any sense she would have left you years ago.

If I had any sense I wouldn't have fallen for her in the first place.

Well you did.

That's a problem.

You didn't go through all of this just for all of it to go to hell over one argument that wasn't even about her.

But it's already all went to hell because of me.

You can still try to fix it.

Would she even listen?

She's Inej. Of course she would listen. Even to you.

Maybe it would be better if she left.

You would never forget it.

I don't forget a lot of things.

A bright stream of sunlight hit his face, knocking him out of his strange trance. He sighed. He had been replaying the words they had said last night over and over in his head, trying to figure it out. He was starting to drive himself crazy with the endless circles.

Kaz stood up, sharp pain shooting through his bad leg from a night in the same position. He took off his shirt and wiped his body down with a wet cloth. There was still blood on it from yesterday; he hadn't had time to change it. He put on a clean white shirt and a black vest and red tie. Inej had once tried to get him to include more than three types of clothing in his closet, but he had refused. Maybe she was right to get him to wear more color. But she was right about just about everything.

He looked in the mirror, a little shocked by the sight. His black hair lay every which way on his head, his eyes were so dark they were almost black. The shadows underneath his eyes threatened to spread even farther, and his mouth was set into a tight line. He still looked like he always did, just more...intense. Kaz wasn't sure if he liked it or not. He took up his cane and glanced back at the room, thinking. The thick stack of papers on his desk practically loomed over him. It would be future him's problem. He was about to close the door behind him before he remembered something.