"No.." I whispered, choking back tears. He shook his head and held me tighter, and in the dim light of surrounding streetlights, I saw a single tear trickle down his cheek. "Darius," I sputtered, pulling away from him. "I'm sorry about Thomas..but I-I can't be here for you. I don't want to care about you anymore. You-you're terrible." With that, I turned on my heels, and with my best efforts, tried to storm off, but was caught by the arm before I was able get anywhere. I was face to face with him yet again.
"Kathy, please don't leave before I can explain myself." I stared at him in disgust. "Oh yes," I spat sarcastically. "Please do explain how much you had with that whore at the party I came with you to." He looked as if every word I said stabbed in the heart, pushing the pain further and further into him. Good. I hope you hurt, you bastard. But he kept his grip on my arms, the same way Thomas had. "Let go, or I'll scream." He knew I wasn’t serious, because screaming wouldn’t do me good, as basically everyone who had ears in the whole block heard Mr. Mason yell at me, so he didn’t let go. "I was drunk," he replied quickly, "I didn't know what I was doing." "I was drunk too, Darius, I almost fucking died because I lied down in the freezing cold. We wouldn't even be fucking having this conversation if Ollie hadn't saved me. I WOULD BE IN A CASKET. My lips were purple. FUCKING PURPLE." All my anger came spilling out of my mouth. It had bubbled inside me for so long, churning and churning like acid in my stomach until finally it came spilling out. I rambled for so long until I wasn't even sure what I was talking about anymore, but all the while, I watched Darius, wanting to see the look in his eyes, his stupid denials, but instead he just stood there, holding me tight, hanging on every word I said. His eyes shone even in the dim light behind the house, as he nodded at all the right times. When I ran out of words to say, he just stood there, taking in all I had said. I saw a single tear trickle down his chin as he started to speak, raising his other arm to hold me. His flow of words came so light and effortlessly, it sounded as if he were reading a book. His rich voice hypnotized me, his eyes seething with pain and love. The same eyes I fell in love with. I wasn't even paying attention to the words anymore. What was going on? No, no. I can't be falling for Darius again. That face, that smile. He pulled me in closer and closer. My brain screamed "STOP." I kept going. Turmoil spread throughout my body, causing chaos until our lips met. Everything shut down and all I could feel were his soft lips on mine. He was killing me softly with his words.
Kissing and kissing and kissing. I imagined the kissing would go on for hours, and it might have, had we not been interrupted. We must have only kissed for 15 minutes, arms wrapped around one another, trailing softly over each other's bodies, but quickly for the sake of the lost time. I had been so enthralled by his lips that my surrounding became a blur and my senses shut down. If they hadn't been so dulled by the kissing, maybe I would have heard the mutterings of my name, saw a shadowy figure emerge from the front of the house, felt eyes on my back. But I didn't.
"Kathy?"
I heard that. A voice from right behind me. So close, in fact, that I felt nervous. Like in the movies when the villain is behind the main character, and the hairs on the back of your neck rise with anticipation? I pulled away from Darius, and for once in the night, felt the cold air. I turned around slowly, to try to hide my face from whoever recognized me. Fuck. It just got a whole lot colder. From behind me, I heard Darius say, " What the fuck, dude? Are you stalking us, or are you just perverted and get off on us kissing?" The shadow growled, like a dog, and through what I thought was tears angrily snarled, "Don't make me break your nose for the third time, asswipe." Darius swore under his breath and backed off, unwrapping his arms from me. There I stood, in between the two guys in my life I knew I couldn't live without. Dumbfounded, I waited for Ollie to storm off like he always does when he's mad, but this time, his feet stood planted where they were. I tried to speak, "Ollie, look I-" I stopped there, anticipating him cutting me off. But he just stood there, tears streaming down his face. That killed me more than anything. I had only seen Ollie cry once before that, and that was when we were kids, and he fell off of his bike and slid down a hill knees first. But this..this was heartbreaking. I tried to say anything to wipe the silent sadness off of his face. I even wanted him to be mad, anything but this. I started up again, "Ollie, I've known you for forever. We grew up together, all of us in this town. But you and I always had this special brother-sister bond and ..." I trailed off, looking for the right words. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, then closed it. Then his teary eyes met mine and said words that would echo in my head for forevermore.
"Kathy, I don't want your brother-sister crap. I love you. I always have. The other night after that party, it made my life. I honestly thought you loved me. You kissed me..and it was amazing. And you know what you did? You got all my hopes together and stepped on them, squashed them like a bug. But you wouldn't care, because all that matters to you is some asshole who breaks your heart constantly. I was there for you, I was your shoulder to cry on. You didn't have to kiss me! You didn't have to make me think you loved me. But you did. You abused my love for you to make you feel better after he over there cheated on you. But once he said a few things to you, you guys are back kissing and I'm left where? Oh yeah, over here in the pile of crap you come to when you need a pick-me-up. Not anymore Kathy. Not anymore."
And then he turned around and stalked off.
In mid-step, he stopped short, startling me and called out, “And don’t ever tell me you love me again, because I want nothing to do with you.”
My heart sank as I followed him, despite Darius' hissing whispers.
I found him in the shade of a tree, on his knees, sobbing. My heart snapped into two, as all the memories of Ollie and I rushed back into my head. All our good and bad times, all of them gone now. Because of me and my stupidity. It had taken me so long to realize that the one I belonged with had been right in front of me the entire time. He was right, everything he said was right. I didn't want to worsen his pain, so I silently crept through the cold night, and made my way back to my house, with every step, a new pain in my heart.
