Morphine

twelve : a completely different person

"What are you talking about? Your son was just here harassing me." I scoff. Bansik gives me a look like 'are you serious?' and I laugh at my own stupidity. "Oh, right. You have another son." 

Bansik nods. His expression clearly tells me that he finds me disgusting. But he's still here, still talking to me. "Yes. Your father decided to interfere." 

"But why?" I tell him. I pull against the restraints but they refuse to loosen. "Why would my dad be interested in your son?" 

Bansik stares at me, long and hard, before sighing. He's probably calculating whether or not to reveal the information for which I was tortured and kidnapped. He's probably deciding to just kill me off and be done with it. He looks down and I realise I've never seen Bansik this way. As much as I hated it, he was always the one in control. He had the strength, the power and the resources to do whatever he wanted. But now he looks slightly vulnerable and not like the man who burned me at all. 

He says, "Because Mark and I were best friends." 

"You're joking." I announce. 

He continues, "We were best friends in college. All the way from grad school till he got that job as the Deputy Commissioner. He'd gone through a lot to get there. He always felt this burning need for justice to be handed to those who deserved it. But even through his busy life, we were friends.

"But he forgot that. I used to be a drug dealer. He inherited his family's wealth and I had nothing. I had to do something to pay off the bills. And at that time it had seemed like a perfect way to get money. So I sold drugs. And Mark was one of the many people who bought it from me." 

It felt like Bansik was justifying himself to me, like he didn't want me to judge him. 

"It was just that one night. That one night that ruined everything. He was probably upset that I was the one who was getting all the money and he had to work his arse off to earn something. He wanted to be independent but with all the money just pooling into his life from his parents, it was hardly possible to earn the money and not have it handed to him." Bansik stood up and started pacing. 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was like he was talking about a completely different person. But he continued as if I was no longer in the room with him. 

"He beat up his girlfriend. He took out all his frustration on her. She called me and started crying. Her name was Maria or Mara or something. I immediately went down there. You have to understand that I was just at the bar drinking myself to glory. I was depressed because I thought I was losing Mark. He was the only friend I had. But I was so drunk. And I wasn't thinking straight. 

"So I slept with his girlfriend. And she was quite willing to do it herself. But Mark found us the next morning and he was furious. He threw me out, punched me till his heart's content and that was the last time I saw him for a long time." 

I'm probably dreaming right now. This whole bizarre movie is being narrated to me and I'm imagining it but I simply cannot put my father in the picture. I know my father has anger issues. I tell myself to not believe Bansik. He has every reason to manipulate me and feed me lies. 

His breathing is becoming louder by the second and his face is contorting into anger. 

"Then after so many years, I watched on TV that he was the Deputy Commissioner. He'd done it. It was what he wanted for so long. What I soon found out was that he was hunting for me. I was still selling drugs of course. To bigger clients. To celebrities and everyone who was in desperate need of them. I had no other way. But I liked my life. I liked everything that I had. 

"Mark eventually found me and he showed me no sign that he ever knew me. He was so angry. I could see it in his eyes. He was stripped of all positive feelings. He was harsh and violent. He'd come to my house alone, the day before he arrested me. I had nowhere to run to. And I couldn't sell out my clients otherwise they'd kill me before I could say 'marijuana'." 

That is when Bansik lost it. He kicks the chair and it lands at my feet. The sound of metal against tiles echoes in my head and Bansik screams out, exasperated. 

"And you know what he did?" Bansik's hiss is menacing. He strides over to me and pushes me down on the bed. "Do you know what he did?" 

He needs an answer. I need to answer him or he might rip my skin again. "N-No." I stammer. 

"He drugged one of my sons. He was still a child. Right in front of me. My wife was dead long before that and I was going to be arrested and he took one of my sons and he left. He killed my son. My baby." 

Bansik moves away from me, leaving me shaking. This is the man I know. The man I've come to fear. 

"All because I fucked his girlfriend." 

He grabs my bound wrists and pulls me closer to him. He whispers in my ear, "And you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to kill you. He's going to be here any moment now, but you'll be dead before that. I won't do it in front of his eyes. I want him to imagine all the terrible, dreadful ways in which I could have killed you but never knowing how. He separated my children so I'm going to separate his." 

Bansik stares at me again, long and hard. His eyes ease out the unrest behind mine. He's going to bring out his instruments and I'm not prepared. I'm not prepared to go through the pain again. 

"Don't worry. It won't be quick." He declares, still holding my wrists tightly. 

"But n-no." I tell him. "My father would never do that. He's not that kind of a man." 

"You're telling me that you, who have been with him for just a handful of years, know him better than me? I've known him his entire life and the worst part is," Bansik pauses. His lips grimace and he says, "that I'd always known that he was capable of doing this." 

My ears go numb all over again. I don't think I'm breathing anymore. My eyes sting with tears, begging me to blink. But I can't blink. He might end me while I blink. 

"You're lying." I say. "You're lying. Dad would never do these things. You're the monster. Not him. You're doing this to me. He didn't do a thing." 

Bansik laughs. He slams me into the bedpost and leaves. The loud throbbing of my head fails to silence Bansik's footsteps. I feel like I'm back in my cell. He's going to return any second. My body anticipates the intrusion, the heat, the coldness of his knife and the roughness of his whip. 

But he says, "I'm going to let Zahid do this. He's quite eager and since I have only one son, I'm going to let him do whatever he wants."  

I fall to the floor, limply, my body giving way. Zahid. I can shudder and whimper all I want, but no one's coming for me. As I lose my consciousness, I realise that today was the longest time Bansik ever spoke to me. And his voice is beautiful.  

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- Nymisha