Stupid Supergirl AU's

Nat's Little Sister

"Yelena?! What are you doing here?" Nat smiled, hugging her.
"I came to see you. I missed you." Yelena admitted, "Plus, I hear you live with a rich woman who pays for everything."
"That would be Lena. She's lovely, you'll like her-"
Lena, on the verge of a breakdown, "Which one of you little shits keeps leaving these notes around the house?! If I have to read one more pun, I will lose my shit!"

A few moments later, Nat was introducing Yelena to the group. Lori, Marcus and Nia were twitch streaming in the lounge room. So Yelena and Nat decided to stay and watch.
"Do you have trauma?" Lori asked the screen as if she was filming an infomercial.
"Yes!" Nia replied.
"Then why go to therapy when you can be a superhero?! Or a supervillain?!" Lori told the audience.
"Think about it! Supergirl?! Home planet was destroyed! Lena Luthor? Family problems-"
"Loki?! Adopted." Marcus pointed out.
"Scarlet Witch?! Everyone she ever loved died!" Nia continued.
"Dreamer? Transphobic family! Natasha Romanoff? Russian experiments and torture!" Lori could be heard by everyone.
"Joker?! Bullied into insanity. Poison Ivy? People killed trees. Bucky Barnes?! Brainwashed. Spider-Man? Uncle and parents are dead!" Marcus added.
"I'm starting to think letting them grow up with Nia was a mistake." Alex shook her head.
"Kate Kane? Asshole father. Gamora? Asshole father. Hela? Asshole father. Thor? Asshole father. Star Lord? Asshole father. Lex Luthor? Asshole father." Lori pointed out. "Tony Stark? Asshole father. Nebula? The Wasp? Black Panther? Quake? Daredevil? All have asshole fathers!"
"Batman? Parents were killed!"
"So if your family are dead or just a bunch of assholes, be a Superhero or a supervillain!" Lori yelled at the camera.
"Lori, Marcus and Nia. NO!" Lena yelled.
Yelena looked at Nat, "I don't know whether I love it, or hate it here."
"You'll learn to hate it." Nat said, pulling her to the lab.

"Oh, by the way. Marcus wants a job at L-Corp." Kelly told Lena.
"Why?" Lena asked.
"So he can tell people he works for you."
"I know I'm impressive, but damn. And working at L-Corp would look amazing on his resume. But, I'm on leave. He has to talk to Lori." Lena replied.
"I'll tell him. Thanks Lena."
"And here we have the responsibles." Nat said, "That's Lena, she's the money and she's super smart. She's married to Kara and she's Lori's mother."
"Hey." Yelena waved.
"That's Kelly, she's a therapist. She's married to Alex." Nat informed her, "She's Marcus' mother."
"So you two produced idiots?" Yelena asked.
"Yelena." Nat gasped, "Be nice."
"What? It is the truth." Yelena replied.
"It's okay Nat. Seriously, it's okay. They take after our wives." Kelly stepped in.
"Also, the redhead is Wanda. She's from our universe. She's dating Lori because people shipped them." Nat gestured to Wanda.
"Nice to meet you, Yelena." Wanda looked up from her work.
"Likewise." Yelena turned to Hope and Jess, "And those two?"
"Hope and Jess, respectively." Nat looked at them, "Hope is an android  and Jess is fucking the robot. Both of them are Lena's assistants. There's a third assistant who's name is Eve. But she lives elsewhere." Nat explained.
"Android? Cool." Yelena looked semi-impressed.

Nat pulled her outside, "Now the rest of them. That's Brainy. He's super smart as well, he's dating Nia. That's Kara, she's Superwoman. She was Supergirl, but when Lori was born she changed it to Superwoman so Lori could become Supergirl. That's Mon-El. He and Lena don't get along. That's J'onn, he's the space dad. That's Winn, I assume he's dating Mon-El but nothing's been confirmed. That's Carol, my girlfriend. She's...well...an idiot. But I love her I guess." Nat explained.
"That's a lot of people. Why am I joining the mix?" Yelena asked.
"Oh, 'cause Miss Writer Lady watched Black Widow yesterday and simped so hard for you that her heart almost exploded." Nat informed her, "So if you end up choking a random chick, it's probably because she wants you to choke her."
"So she's a bottom?" Yelena asked.
"No. She's actually a switch. Sometimes she wants to choke you, sometimes she wants to be stomped on."