Dear Binnie / YEONBIN

eleven.

Dear Diary,

hey there, i haven't been writing a lot lately but things aren't that different. wake up, go to school, go visit soobin, and come back home. now that we're in winter break once again the hospital let him go to his home, as their ..last birthday present i guess. so tomorrow we'll celebrate with him, nobody knows if it will be the last time we do this or not but atleast we know that we'll make sure he has a great time.

let's hope for the best, yeah..

12/04/2017

12/04/2017

"jjunie, feel like eating?" yeonjun's mom asked, coming into his room. "not really" yeonjun sighed, looking at his mother before tossing his journal into the corner of his desk. "cheer up jun. this might sound harsh but..instead of being sad over this, appreciate the last few moments you have with him yeah?" she spoke softly. "trust me, you'll regret not telling him how you feel. i..i was dumb enough not telling mine how i felt before it was too late." she said. 

yeonjun blinked before quickly looking back at his mother in confusion. "yours?" "..come to the kitchen to eat, alright?" she said with a warm smile, shutting the door behind her. yeonjun sighed as he felt his bed against his back, trying to relax.

12/05/2017

"binnie~ how are you feeling? feel older hm?" "i'm only 18 shut up" soobin smiled, pushing yeonjun away. "hyung!" soobin heard about two different voices coming towards his way, soobin's face lit up seeing his little cousins run to him. "hey there!" soobin said softly. "hyungie..is it true that your going away soon?" one of the little boys said. soobin smiled awkwardly, "i- i don't know very well yet. but don't worry! we're going to have so much fun today, i promise!" he smiled. patting both of their heads. 

"beomgyu hyung, you're here!" one of them yelled, beomgyu laughed. "yeah! i'm surprised you even remember me..wait how do you even remember me you two were like three years old last time i saw you!" beomgyu said, "silly! we're seven now" one of the boys said proudly. 

"yup, you're big kids, huh?" beomgyu said. they then nodded before both cheering and running somewhere in the house. "hello, i'm so sorry are we late" a voice cried, soobin shook his head no, before greeting his friends. 

__

half way through the party and everyone was just talking while soobin was trying to get a drink. "bin-ah" yeonjun whispered, startling soobin. "jesus christ. i swear you almost killed me there" soobin laughed in disbelief, pressing his palm over where his heart was. "sorry..but um hey." "hey? thats what you wanted to tell me?" soobin raised a brow, drinking whatever he poured in his cup. yeonjun blinked

"u-uh no, what i meant was. can we go talk outside?" yeonjun chuckled embarrassedly. soobin smiled and nodded. once they were in the backyard yeonjun sighed, sitting on one of the swings the old playground set had. "be careful, who knows if that things is even good enough to sit in.." soobin smiled worriedly, looking around the set. "it's alright, it feels steady." yeonjun said. "so..where you going to tell me something important" soobin then reminded yeonjun.

"oh right. yeah." a few seconds passed and the older didn't say anything. "h-hyung?" yeonjun gulped realizing he hadn't done anything. "u-um soobin. i- i love you, like a lot" yeonjun breathed out. soobin just smiled, "i know you do. and i love you too" he said. "n-no that's not what i meant! it's not in that way i-it's.." soobin blinked, very confused. 

"i'm in love with you binnie. that's what i meant." yeonjun said, looking straight in soobin's eyes.

soobin's emotions didn't take long to give up on him, tears continuously rolling down his cheeks. "i hate you..i hate you" he sobbed out, "i-i'm sorry, fuck..i shouldn't said it. pretend you didn't hear this. i'm so sorry bin-" "no you idiot! i-i love you too, so much! but now knowing that you do too is going to make this so much harder. why would you- why would you say it now!" he sobbed. 

yeonjun blinked, watching soobin just shake, his face red from all the crying. he then got closer to soobin. soobin just looked at his eyes, eyes puffy and red from the crying. yeonjun wiped off the remaining tears, look into the younger's eyes before pressing his lips against soobin's. his eyes shutting close. "i love you, binnie" yeonjun whispered. soobin panting before then kissing yeonjun softly. "i love you too" he smiled softly. 

after a while soobin's cousin's came running outside, hugging soobin tightly. "are you guys leaving?" soobin asked, they nodded sadly. "we don't want you to leave" one of the boy cried. "but i'm not the one leaving..oh- ..uhm, hey boys..look at me. um- once i leave, i won't be coming back for a long time."

"but it will be alright because i will be in a really really wonderful place, so you don't have to worry about me? alright?" soobin smiled. the boys nodded before saying goodbye to soobin. soobin breathed out deeply, trying not to cry as he saw his family walk out the door. his lips trembled before letting out a shaky cry. yeonjun then quickly hugging him. 

__

it was one in the morning and everybody had left except yeonjun. soobin was about to go to sleep and yeonjun denied leaving til he was resting. soobin sighed as yeonjun helped him get comfortable. "hyung?" soobin softly said. "yeah?" he whispered, playing with soobin's hair. "do you know why today was so important for me?" 

yeonjun hesitated but then shortly said no. "six months ago, i asked the doctor how much time i had left. he told me that i still had a while but by a while he means not more than seven months, so recently i've wondering if i'm just going to die any second now." soobin said, staring at yeonjun who's fond smile was slowly dropping. 

"jun" he whispered, yeonjun then stopped focusing on his hair and stared back at soobin. as he stared into his eyes he remembered that one time when he saw soobin's sharp eyes. but this time, they were doe like, like most of the time but it felt different this time. "i think to myself that i don't want to die. because i don't. but..i'm tired." soobin said, his voice as soft as the first time he talked to yeonjun. 

"i-i'm really tired." he cried, a single tear showing under his doe eyes'. yeonjun cupped soobin's face before kissing him everywhere on his face. "i love you" he whispered once again. soobin smiled, "when i am gone, promise me you'll remember me?" he said. yeonjun smiled fondly "how could i not? binnie, i- i just realized , literally every page in my diary is about you. every single one." yeonjun chuckled in embarrassment. 

"i'm glad to hear that" soobin smiled. 

__

i dont rlly know what to put here JNFNC