What I Should Have Done ✓

Chapter 43

"Come on, slow poke!" yelled John and drummed his fingers on the roof of his BMW impatiently.

"Relax, I'm coming," I huffed as I carried my Fool's Box to the car.

I did this every year: when school started, I brought a bunch of ridiculous stuff to college, erring in my conviction I would get to use it. Before breaks, then, I always took inventory, found that I had again fooled myself to exactly no one's surprise, and conceded to my lack of spare time only to take most of it back home. This time, apart from several nonfiction books, it was watercolors (!), an array of colored pencils, and knitting needles. In what world. I had started painting over summer break last year—not well, just for fun—but I should have known I would never ever find the time or state of mind to calmly sit down and paint at school.

John's confession a couple of weeks ago had felt like a breakthrough, for him and for me. Finally I knew what had been bothering him. All those times I had wondered if he was okay, there had been an explanation. And he had opened up to me. Apart from Zach and Devin, he had told no one at college. I was ashamed for not having noticed it sooner, but he had forbidden me from feeling guilty, so I was trying.

The day we were leaving for spring break in Maine was a good day. John was elated to catch a break from school. The only other time I had seen him like this had been for Thanksgiving break in New York. I could have gotten used to this version of him, at ease with himself and the world. Had I only seen him on days like this, I wouldn't have known he was going through something. At least he had agreed to finish out the year and take the summer to contemplate whether he'd return for the fall or not.

Perhaps out of selfishness, I urgently hoped he would. While I would naturally support any decision he made, I wasn't sure our relationship would be strong enough to survive that break. In any case, I tried to push aside these negative thoughts whenever they threatened to linger and enjoy whatever time I had with John, regardless of how long we would be together in the future.

"You told them we'd be there by 6, so we should hit the road. The navigation app says it's about 4 hours 15 and we'll have to take the highway across the mountains that's still snowed in." John's fingers tapped on the roof of his car.

"Did you look all of that up?"

"Well, I did have some spare time while you were busy packing up half of your room," he teased.

"You're even more anxious to get there than I am." I set the box into the trunk of his car before closing it.

It was so nice to be able to ride home with John instead of having to ask for a ride from a classmate I didn't know well or go on a Greyhound odyssey.

He shrugged. "I'm excited to meet your family."

I went around the car until I stood before him so I could peck him on the lips.

"I'm excited for you to meet them, too."

He gently brushed a lock of hair out of my face before jangling his keys and grinning.

"Then you better drag your cute butt into my car right now, or else I'll leave you here and party alone with Dad and Grampa."

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but smile as I walked around the front of the car and got in on the passenger side.

***

"Yello!" I called out as I entered the house with my Fool's Box in hand and John tailing me.

"Hey, Peanut!" Dad called jovially from the stove.

"Hey, Dad. Is that the carcass of an animal you're frying in there?" I asked, setting down my box on the table next to the door, and pointed at the skillet on the burner.