What I Should Have Done ✓

Chapter 4

Taking responsibility for something required self-awareness, and a certain amount of conscientiousness. Depending on the situation, it also showed that you cared about someone else, maybe even that you were selfless, when taking responsibility had negative consequences for you.

John Jay's seemingly simple gesture of standing up for me had kept me up. Not all night, but still: John was on my mind much more than he probably deserved. He was handsome—like, hot—and nice, and regardless of how shallow that sounded, I maybe, a little bit, regretted having shut him down like that.

Although what else could I have done in the middle of class? And also, which sport did he play?

But then, maybe it wasn't so shallow after all to be thinking about him because this was about his character. He was evidently self-aware and conscientious and caring and selfless. I think. Or was I projecting?

The late afternoon sun warmed my back through the all-glass front of the newly-renovated athletic complex. Now was as good a time as any to pretend I would work out more this semester. I punched a text response to Jessica's question about meeting for dinner when my body met a hard chest. The impact would have made me drop my phone had I not involuntarily performed a silly dance trying to grab it before it fell.

"I am so sorry." A gasp escaped my lips before my gaze even met his.

It was like in the movies: not only was it John looking back at me—of course—but also did my mind stop working for two seconds. Two seconds were a long time.

"John!" Way to state the obvious, Grace.

"Hey, Grace." He sported a lopsided grin, likely due to my little dance and my dumbfounded expression. I blushed and brushed my hair behind my ear.

"What are you doing here?" I was stalling for time to compose myself again.

"I just got out." He pointed a thumb over his shoulder to the shiny new gym. "We did cardio today for soccer practice."

"Ah, that's it!" I exclaimed in relief before realizing how supremely bizarre that had sounded.

He arched an eyebrow. "That's what?"

I mentally facepalmed myself, hard. Great job telling him I've been thinking about him. He'll think I'm a creep.

"Nothing. I knew you were an athlete, but didn't know what sport. But now I know. So it's all good."

I brushed a lock of blonde hair behind my ear. It's all good? What the hell was I blabbering?

A smart person would have left it at that and turned to leave, but alas...

Not only were my feet planted firmly on the ground, John also made no move to walk away from this mother of all uncomfortable conversations. What sounded good to me in that moment was to go dig a hole in the Green Mountain grass outside and lie in it. Instead, he had the audacity to smirk at my rapidly blushing face.

"That's what you've been thinking about since yesterday?"

I shrugged and shifted nervously, twirling a lock of hair around my finger.

He chuckled in amusement. "You could have asked me, you know."

I shrugged again, mentally facepalming myself once more for my slip up. We both knew I couldn't have asked. He was probably good and popular or whatever, and asking would have outed me as a know-nothing-about-sports dork. Or, worse, it would have made it seem like I cared. And I didn't.

Speaking of soccer, none of his teammates were to be seen, although athletes normally traveled in packs. Instead, the few people in the big hall were around to stare? I knew I shouldn't worry about them, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't. I shifted my weight from my left foot to my right and back again. Ag, I'm not normally this awkward, what is wrong with me. Yes, he was easy on the eyes, but that was no reason to act like a teenager.