White Teeth Teens

29. Lost It

November comes and forces us to take out the heavy jackets from storage in the attic and long-sleeved shirts. No more getting by with a light sweater. The grocery stores put Halloween candy in the bargain bins for 80% off and fill the shelves with pumpkin puree.

Though I'm usually a winter-hater, this year I feel very differently. Hot chocolate by the fire, cuddling under thick blankets, tandem sledding in the snow, and exchanging Christmas presents. It's so romantic.

As I'm finishing an assignment for English class, Ben calls me.

"Hey, how was practice?" I ask.

"Good. What are you doing?" he sounds out of breath.

"Homework."

"Wanna come over? My mom has a date tonight, so she won't be back 'til late."

"Tonight?"

It's a Wednesday evening and Ben's inviting me over to an empty house. It only just occurs to me that we've never actually been alone before. Like alone alone. "Rory?"

"Hi," I say. I sniff my armpit. I still smell like the animal shelter and Ellie's fur is all over my leggings. "I'll ask but it's kind of unlikely."

"Yeah... I get it."

I hang up and jog downstairs. Mom's in the nursery feeding Colin his nighttime bottle. She'll be harder to get permission from than Dad but he's still at the office.

"Moooom?" I whisper with an upward inflection.

She gives me this look like What did you do?

I stand up straight, very serious. "Can I go to Ben's? He needs to draw a portrait of me for Drawing class that's due tomorrow. He totally forgot and if he doesn't do it, he'll fail. Can I go—please?"

Colin stirs in her arms. She takes her sweet time adjusting the bottle. "How come he's doing it last minute?"

"He's had soccer."

She doesn't seem convinced.

"Our teacher literally gave us the assignment yesterday." Logan appears in the hallway as if he was eavesdropping around the corner. He pokes his head into Colin's room.

"You both did the assignment?" she asks.

"Yeah. I did it during my free period today."

"And I did it after school—I drew Liz," I say. That's lie number two.

"I thought you were at the shelter?"

"We went late." And that's lie number three.

Mom sighs. "Okay. But drive slowly please. And I want you home by nine."

I promise to abide by her rules. I grab Logan's wrist and pull him with me up the stairs. "Thank you," I say.

"It was nothing," he says. "I like Ben." I turn to my room but he tugs at my sleeve. "Call us if something happens."

I make a face. "We're just gonna hang out and watch a movie."

"Sure you are."

There's no time to shower. I end up soaking a hand towel with hot water and soap and rub under my arms—and between my legs. On the drive to his house I try to drown out my beating heart with Pure Heroine playing on full blast.

"TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY AND I'M RIDIN HIGH," I sing. "HAIR IS DRIPPIN, HIDIN' THAT I'M TERRIFIED."

The house is dark and the only light on is in the foyer. I watch through the window pane beside the front door as Ben emerges from the dark to let me in.