26. Next Level

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[**Warning: Sexual content**]

With zero privacy at my house, my only chance at alone time is at Ben's house. He invites me over for dinner Saturday night. This time Dad insists on meeting Mrs. Wolff to thank her for feeding me.

"Not at all. It's nice to have another woman in the house," Mrs. Wolff says.

When Dad leaves, Mrs. Wolff lifts up her eyebrows at me. "Your father is a very handsome man," and Ben groans, "Mom!"

She rustles his hair. "As are you, sweetie."

Ben ducks out of her reach and smoothens his hair back down. He side-eyes me and gives an apologetic smirk, which I return. I guess I should be flattered by his mom's comment?

When we sit down for Mrs. Wolff's "mince and tatties", Mrs. Wolff brings up Ben's SAT classes. Apparently his mock test didn't go so well. For a minute she goes on to lecture him about staying focused.

"Getting into college. It should be your main goal. And soccer is part of that, your grades are part of that. It's ultimately what high school is for. Everything you do in high school is put on paper for colleges to scrutinize." Mrs. Wolff turns to me. "Right, Rory?"

"Right."

"It's just a practice test, Mom. I'm not going to take the real test until next fall, remember?" says Ben. He drags his fork through the mashed potatoes to form three perfect peaks and valleys.

"I know," she says.

This is uncomfortable. The look on Ben's face is uncomfortable. I can tell how much pressure his mom must put on him.

I try to change the subject by asking Mrs. Wolff if she went to Ben's away game yesterday. My question only fuels her fire.

"No. I didn't make it, but I heard your brother was the star of the night. I'm sure he'll make captain next year." Her smile fades and she looks at Ben. "Do you think you'll make captain?"

"For sure," I say at the same time Ben says "Dunno".

"Dad was there," he adds.

This gets Mrs. Wolff to shut up. She smiles softly then doesn't say any more for the rest of the dinner. While I help gather the dirty plates as Mrs. Wolff scrubs off oil from a pan in the sink, Ben touches my arm.

"Mom says we can hang in my room." He takes the plates from me and puts them in the dishwasher haphazardly. "Come on!"

#

We go into his room and he closes the door so it's only left open an inch. His room is huge with a queen-sized bed in the middle and a TV against the wall. There's a poster of an English soccer team on the wall and dozens of trophies and medals on top of his dresser. It's like Dean's room, only much neater. The bed is made with a bunch of decorative pillows stacked on top. Ben pats the mattress, inviting me to sit.

Ben grabs his PlayStation controller and turns on the TV. He goes straight to Netflix. "Watch something seriously or silly?"

"Silly. Always silly," I say.

He puts on Wedding Crashers, but we don't even watch the opening credits. It feels so good to kiss him again, to feel his lips against mine, to feel his hand on my leg, to feel his hair between my fingers.

"We can't do much," he says, eyeing the door.

I nod. "Your mom's right downstairs..."

He pulls the throw blanket out from underneath me and drapes it over us, so now we're lying back on his pillows with a blanket hiding our arms, legs... and other things.

We both stare at the TV but I'm not retaining anything that's going on. My heart is too loud against my chest. Last time I was in bed with a boy, I wanted to be anywhere else but right now I just want to get closer.

My fingers find his hand and wrap around it. He switches hands, so the hand closer to me is free and he places it on my thigh over my jeans, rubbing his thumb back and forth. I lean my head against his shoulder. Ever so slightly I feel a tug, then I realize he's pulling my hand closer to his crotch. He moves his hand away so now my hand is resting on him and he's hard. I turn to look at him. My whole arm feels paralyzed.

"Is this okay?" he whispers.

I nod. Do I just leave my hand there or do I rub back and forth or...? I move my hand slightly and he closes his eyes. He seems to like it. His hand on my thigh starts creeping closer to between my legs. I start moving my hand a little faster and a small moan leaves his lips. I like that he's making that noise because of me.

"Can I...?" I touch the button of his jeans. His eyebrows perk up. He looks at the door, then helps me by undoing his jeans. His boxers feel like satin. I run my fingers under the fabric, through his coarse hair until I feel skin. I'm scared to feel it. I've never felt one before—not with my hand. But it's smooth and really hard. I grab it and start moving my hand up and down.

He unfastens my jeans and puts his hand over my underwear. He rubs his fingers back and forth. It feels warm but that's about it. I'm too tense and too focused on what I'm doing.

He groans loudly and squeezes his eyes shut, then relaxes like a weight's been lifted from him. But it only lasts a second.

"Crap," he says.

I let go of him. "What?"

He covers his eyes and exhales, then he looks at me with wide eyes. "That was amazing. And I want to make you feel good too but... I need to change my pants." His face is bright red.

I squint but then I get what he means. "Oh!" I tuck my knees to my chest to get away from the blanket while Ben rips it off and balls it up. He chucks it into his closet and uses the closet door as a barrier while he changes. My hand smells weird. A smell I can't place. I still feel the sensation of his skin on my palm.

When he returns to the bed, he looks down at me. "You put your jeans back on? It's your turn."

I shake my head. "Um... It's okay. I'm fine. I'd rather not, tonight."

The excitement has worn off. Now I'm just anxious—anxious that his mom might walk in and anxious about having anything touching me down there. I remember how much it hurt.

He frowns. "Why not?"

I turn to the door. "I think we got away with enough. I'm getting nervous about your mom."

He nods.

"Do you have any ice cream?"

Ben kisses my cheek. "Yes. And next time... I'm going to make you feel really good."

I hope he's right.

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