Where ☹ Muke

I ; i fake the smile on my face.

« clifford »

"So how do you feel?"

Like you have crusty ketchup on your chin and it's disgusting.

"So much better sir, I'm really glad I'm being released." I said in a voice nobody could notice as false -- except myself.

"That's astonishing Mr. Clifford, I'm glad you're better now."

"Yes sir I am too."

"So tell me Michael, are you ready to be going back to your home in Australia?"

Oh god no.

"Yeah, I'm really excited to see my mom and all my friends back home!" I squealed moving slightly in my seat making the mans smile grow wider -- damn isn't he a good therapist, totally noticing that I'm lying straight to his face. I don't want to go home, I don't want to see Karen, I don't want to my bullies.

I'm terrified.

A buzz broke our content silence as he spun in his chair to face his phone or pager -- whatever the hell that shit was that people contacted him on, wow I'm tired.

"This is he."

"Ah yes, he happens to be completely packed already." He spun around to face me jerking his chin towards the door which I took as a sign to return to my room and get my bags.

It's not like anything was useful in the bag except for Daniel, the clothes were all many times to small and my toiletries were basically nonexistent. It just feels so odd, picking up a bag filled with all my belongings once again, it's like déjà vu except this time I'm not getting help.

I slowly returned down the hall my slipper clad feet echoing in the silent hallway, I was in the passers wing meaning I'd been close to release for a while now. I stood in front of the glass door seeing the one person that'd sent me here with a wide smile on her face and I felt chills run down my spine.

I procrastinated opening the door as I practiced my breathing treatments to keep myself from panicking, finally I pulled my sweater sleeves down over my hands holding the fabric tightly to my skin before reaching out for the silver doorknob and throwing the door open. "Mikey baby!"

I flinched slightly at the nickname but smiled cheekily opening my arms widely to pill her in for a hug. She barreled into my chest and buried her face in my neck and I almost felt loved by her. "You've changed so much, god I've missed you."

That's half true, I have changed quite a bit I guess. Even with staff having such close security I've managed to drop a few pounds which made me feel slightly better about myself now that I didn't have thirty layers of pudge, so I guess that was a good change.

They let me dye my hair once too well under strict supervision, it was a pretty pastel purple and I loved it just because it reminded me of the fluttery feeling of happiness I used to get every-so-often when I saw Luke -- I kinda miss the kid honestly. Now though my hair has faded and is just a platinum blonde though I think I like it quite a bit just because it compliments my eyes well -- though black would be even better, or maybe fire red.

"Ive missed you too mom."

I guess it wasn't exactly a lie, I did miss her in a way just because when I was younger and she was sober she was my rock. I missed the days she would go around telling me silly pretend stories about everybody around us. "See that man there, he's actually a giraffe cramped in a suit because his wife left him for a puppy." I'd giggle and she'd continue with the game and it was just our thing.

"Are you ready to go home dear?" She asked pulling away from our embrace and rubbing my shoulder looking at me expectantly, I nodded making her smile brightly as my therapist handed her a clipboard.

She signed her signature in a few blank spaces and smiled at the man who looked at me, "it was a great six years Michael and we loved having your company, but I better not see you here again." I nodded sheepishly before shaking his hand and walking back to my where my mom stood by the door.

We walked out, my mom with a skip in her step and I with an itch in my wrist. I mentally cursed myself for thinking that way bed chase I'd been clean for almost two years and I didn't want to break that. But the idea of it sounded amazing -- maybe a few times wouldn't hurt anything.

"So tell me, how are you now?" I looked down to my mom to see if she was serious, she'd never cared about me before but now she seems different and it's scaring me.

"I've been good I guess, I didn't really talk to anybody and basically listened to music the whole time I was there."

"Were there any cute girls?" My eyes widened as she stood there with a blank expression -- did she think sending me to a facility would turn me straight?

"Uh no?"

"Don't tell me you're still a faggot, I can't take you home to your father if you're gay."

I felt my breathing increase, father, my father is in the house that I'm about to be living in, he's back and he hates me, I'm going to die, oh my god what do I do.

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I steadied my breathing and shakily smiled, "of course not mom, I actually dated a few girls while we were there. I guess they weren't really cute as you'd expect but hey it was pretty good for where I was."

"I'm glad it was just a phase honey." She smiled clapping my shoulder and skipping towards a taxi that was pulled up on the curb.

Just a phase yeah.

« time skip »

I held my backpack straps with my sweater covered hands and nervously looked around the airport for a man I haven't seen in ten years basically meaning I have absolutely no clue who I'm looking for all I know is I'm terrified of him.

"Michael honey there he is!" Karen squeaked pointing to a large man making me cling tightly to my backpack as if it could make him disappear.

"Hello babe," he smiled kissing Karen's cheek and completely ignoring me but that's better than him attacking me I guess.

He took her bag and led her outside towards a red pickup truck, ew he's so basic.

Not the time to think flamboyantly Michael.

Think like a straight dude.

Football?

Cars?

Boobies?

Ew.

Then realization dawned on me, I'm back in my hometown, I'm literally back where I was born and raised and everybody here probably thinks I died after being gone for so long. It also dawned on me that I'm wearing the only outfit I own that could possibly fit me without making me look like I shrunk my clothes.

We walked to the car with Karen clinging to that mans arm giggling everyone and then, and well as a bystander I would've thought it was cute but they're vile people making it slightly less adorable. The walk was slow and agonizing because I just wanted to crumble into my bed and sob, hell being back in NYC sounded better than going into a home, alone, with these people.

"Michael is there anything you need, like bathroom supplies or shoes?" My mom asked sweetly, at least it was the sweetest I'd ever heard from her in ten years, I mean there was the day I left she actually sounded caring but that was still six years ago. She didn't acknowledge my existence until two days ago.

"Um I actually could use some clothes, I uh can't fit anything but this," I said guess turning to the semi tight sweater and ball crushing jeans, not to mention the child's underwear cutting off the circulation in my hips.

"That a fine dear, you start school in a week so well start you a wardrobe before you go back." I smiled muttering a thank you before turning my attention to the song playing on the radio hoping it could help me clear my mind and forget about the fear seething in my throat as if preparing to scream if necessary.