Eighteen - Down the hill

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Warning contains mentions of things like suicide, depression, and self-harm. Read at your own discretion. ( I do not promote any of these stay safe <3 )

A/N---

What the holy fuck now I'm at 544 view y'all crazy <3

Having so much fun and discovering new feelings made you forget about your real life and problems. And it all came back to hit you hard.

As you both broke the kiss he slightly backed off to see your face but his eyes got drawn to something else.

Your wrist.

Your wrist who was near his face was uncovered. When you brought your hand up during the kiss your sleeve had slipped down revealing all your cuts on that arm.

His eyes widen and his expression changed, " (y/n)? What is that?" He asked seriously. He was mad, well that's how you perceived it. You brought your hand down and pulled on the sleeve to hide your arm. You tried to shutter something but nothing came out

He grabbed your other arm and pushed up the sleeve only to see the same thing. He looked up at you and you looked back at him but you with a scared look. 

' run'

' It's the end, he saw'

' there is no going back'

' I have to run'

You slightly pushed him and ran away, you passed the other without a word and stormed out of the place. Levi probably following you but as he didn't get out he probably got stopped by the others. Either way, you didn't care.

You ran.

You ran without stopping.

You ran until you finally reached your home. You went inside and slammed the door shut before crashing on the floor out of breath.

You stayed on the floor just trying to get your breath back for a while until you finally sat up.

' That's it I messed everything again,' 

' Everything was perfect,'

' I thought I could live one normal night, one normal party,'

' But I fucked up,'

' Now he knows,'

' Now he'll worry,'

' Now I can't get away,'

' Now,'

' Now what?'

You closed your phone, laid back on the floor, and slowly drifted into sleep tears rolling drown your face.

---

It was now Sunday evening you had just left work. You somehow managed to go to work without seeing any of your classmates which you thanked god for and you were now sitting on the couch looking at the wall.

Sunday. It was the limit you gave yourself to choose what to do. After a lot of thought, you resulted in int the solution you always come back to. Death. Yes, you were weak. Each time a problem came up instead of facing it you only wanted to disappear from it.

And so here you were making up your mind on how to go through with it. This time no alcohol involved as last time you were so drunk you forgot the dying part but decided to keep the jump part. Why not? Who would want to try at least once a free fall? Probably every sane person but you weren't one of them.

You went to your bag and took out the money you had drawn out of the bank plus your pay for this weekend and the one before. 

It was about 1400$ you put the whole thing in an envelope and wrote Mom&Dad on it with a black sharpie. You placed it on the kitchen counter and left your studio. You placed the key under the rug and started to make your way down the road with your hood pulled up.

3rd person POV / Levi POV?

Levi has been searching for you ever since she left the party. He still couldn't process what he saw and decided to keep it a secret from the others, it wasn't his place to chose whether or now they'll know but he was still extremely worried and wasn't sure how to act. 

But he knew the first thing he had to do was find you and that wasn't easy. He didn't know where you lived and he failed to find you before or after your work. It was now Sunday and you finished work but he didn't catch you again. He had a bad feeling about tonight, his guts telling him it was now or never.

He went inside the restaurant and found your boss. He presented himself and told her he needed to bring you something you had forgotten at his place but your phone was turned off and he didn't know where you lived. At first, she was skeptical but then she remembered him from last weekend and went to fetch her resume.

" So she lives at 85 chinook street, door 5, it's really not a bad joke, right? If I found out you did something bad you'll be in trouble young man."She told him. " No, don't worry miss thanks a lot. Have a nice evening," he rushed out and entered his car.

He drove fast but safely to your place. He arrived and jogged to your door. He knocked, nothing. He knocked again, nothing. " (y/n), it's me I just wanna talk," he said but no answer. Then he got an idea and looked under the small carpet. He found the key, ' Really how careless...'

" Coming in!" He said and unlocked the door. He then opened it and found a small studio plunged in darkness. ' Sleeping?'

He took off his shoes and walked further inside. He looked inside a first room, a bedroom, you weren't there. It was bland with no decoration, the only noticeable thing was the clothes on the floor probably from you trying on outfits for the party. He smiled a bit at the effort you had made.

He went to the next room and found a small bathroom. A small blade was on the side of the sink with dried blood on it. He slightly flinched a the side, now sure he didn't dream of what he saw. Not wanting to look at it some more knowing that was the thing you used to hurt yourself, he looked down only to see lots of dried drops of blood coming from the bath. He turned his head and saw even more blood in the bath and a pile of clothes stained with blood. That went it stroke him, the smell of blood. 

Not able to take anymore he quickly got out and went further to what seemed to be the kitchen and living room. At least there everything you be normal, right? First of all, it confirmed you really weren't home. He turned to the right to be in the kitchen, no dirty plates. 

He got curious and decided to look in the fridge. There was only one cup of yogurt, ' what the fuck?'. He looked in the cupboards and found one plate, one cup... a bag of nuts and one pack of instant ramens.

'So she doesn't eat at school and almost nothing at home too? No wonder she looked so skinny... Wait that means she lives alone? Didn't she say to Eren she was with family?'

He turned around and saw an envelope with Mom&Dad written on it, ' Don't tell me it's!' He rushed to it and opened it. It wasn't your last wishes has he thought but might as well be, it was a whole bunch of money probably all you had...

' Wait so that was my bad feeling, does she plans to... That means when she was drunk she was planning to do it but Eren interrupted her... Shit, what do I do! I don't even know where she is!'

He was panicking, he didn't want you to get through with it but he was powerless. 

He ended up getting out, locking the door, and went to his car. He leaned on it trying to decide what to do but he was too agitated to think straight and decided to go for a walk.

He walked for a while and reach a beach. The salty smell filling his nose he walked alongside it in the direction of the bridge.

Hands in his pocket he started to cross the bridge but when he lifted his head he saw someone. That someone was on the other side of the railing looking down at the water. As he got closer and saw that this someone wasn't anyone, his eyes widen. He found you.

To be continued... teehee

Yup, that was totally not staged and was clearly by simple luck.

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