Children of Van Helsing

Chapter Thirty - Cold Truth

Jessica

Well, that was unexpected. Well, I knew Ian didn’t dislike Susanna, but I had always thought Susanna would rather pole-dance naked in Buckingham Palace than start a relationship with Ian. Besides, didn’t he like Regina more?

Even so, I was happy for them. Stunned, but happy. And surprised Regina didn’t act all hysterical and angry – maybe she was more mature than we had thought. I immediately sent a text Lily to tell her the news.

Lily. The light of my life. I had spent the last few days at her apartment and it had been amazing. She made me forget all of my worries and doubts, we watched movies and cooked dinner together, we took care of the neighbour’s cat. Like we were properly living together. And I had liked it so much.

Still…

I felt as if I were abandoning my family. Three days away, and I had already missed so much. It felt weird. I had always been a part of everything. Me, Susanna and Regina, a team, unbreakable, undefeatable.

But now? Things had changed. I wanted to be with Lily, my Lily, more than anything in the world, but I also owed my sisters more than I could even imagine. But I also understood that Lily thought this was all too dangerous. It was dangerous. But wasn’t that the exact reason I had to stay? So that my sisters wouldn’t have to face this on their own?

God, this was difficult. I had managed to forget about it for a few days, but now that I was back, sitting on the couch with a cup of tea as usual, it all came back. My guilt. My doubts. But also the joy. The years we had lived here together. The fun we had had, the laughs, the giggles, but the tears too, the pain, the anger. All those little moments, good and bad, which made us a family.

But wasn’t it the time to go my own way? I loved Lily as well and we deserved a life of our own. A life together. We at least deserved a chance to try. Just… Maybe not now. Maybe this wasn’t the right time. I had to sort my family’s business out first and then give all of my attention to Lily.

Then again, it would always go like this. As soon as this was all over, new danger would attend, and I would have to stay with my family longer. Not that I didn’t like staying with them – but Lily… Sweet Lily. She worried so much and she had every right to. This was dangerous and I was well aware of the fact that this could cost me my life.

I didn’t want to die. God, no, I didn’t want to die. I wanted to grow old, together with Lily, and have fun, and live. Should I leave?

Yes. I had promised Lily to be home in time for dinner. But, permanent? Part of me wanted to run away and never look back, but running away from problems doesn’t mean they aren’t there anymore.

Susanna probably saw I was worried – God, she knew me well – because she frowned and asked: “Are you alright, Jess?”

“Just worrying too much, that’s all.” I said, trying to smile as if nothing was wrong.

She didn’t fall for it. “Tell me.”

“You have enough worries already, Susy, just focus on the good things now.”

“If I know you’re worrying, I worry. Even if I don’t know what about. Just tell me. You know you can.”

I smiled. “It’s not that I don’t know I can – I just don’t know if I should.”

Ian chuckled. “Ooh, getting all mysterious. I love it!”

One look from Susanna and he shut his mouth. This time my smile was genuine. They actually made a cute couple – how come I hadn’t seen that before?