I found love again - clexa in highschool

"She is worth it"

-Lexa's POV-

Thursday, 03.00, 3 AM

I couldn't sleep, I was shifting, turning and sweating, it is like I had one of those nightmares I used to get right after my parents died. Except I didn't have a nightmare, I was wide awake, the entire time. When I got home three hours ago Aiden was in his bed, still awake, because I wasn't home yet. I got to his room and told him I was back, so he could sleep again.

I went to the kitchen to drink some water; I couldn't sleep anyway. I  sat down on the couch to think it all through, head in my hands, knees up, so I sat in a ball. I liked Clarke, I really liked her, she makes me feel the best I ever felt. On the other hand, I couldn't let my walls down, not even with her. Also, I couldn't let the memory of Costia go, whenever I was with Clarke the pain of losing Costia seemed to be less, sometimes even gone, and if that could happen.... I could lose the memory I have of her. I could not let that happen. 

Costia was supposed to be the last women I ever kissed, and she was, until suddenly I was kissing Clarke. Everything pointed out that I shouldn't be with Clarke, she made me vulnerable. But why oh why did I feel so god damn good when I was with her, kissing her was the best I ever felt...... I don't know what to do. I am scared.

"What happened?" I jumped at the voice that came from behind me. I turned around and saw Aiden standing there. "Aiden it is 3.30 AM, why aren't you in bed?" He came to sit next to me. "I heard you" "Sorry A, I couldn't sleep...Clarke and I kissed" That last part I wishpered, just loud enough for him to hear. Seeing his facial expression he knew what happened.

"Oh Lex, you know that if you are with Clarke, you are not betraying the memory of Costia...'' I looked him in the eye.  "I know what your thinking Lex... but think about her, would Costia want you to never move on, never love again?" He is probably right, she wouldn't want that for me. "She would be proud of you lex, she lives on through you" he said, tapping on my breast.

"Thank you A, but I fucked up, she probably won't talk to me anymore." I said shighting heavely, slapping my hands on my forehead "Jeezes Lex don't be so dramatic, just tell her." At the thought of that alone, I felt small, vulnerable, and insecure. "But.." "No Lex you have to tell her, I can see this Clarke has a positive influence on your life... you seem happier, lighter and you come home smiling. What have you got to lose? Seems to me miss Griffin is pretty well worth it" I nodded at that, he is right I did feel better, and she is worth it.

"Thank you Aiden.... wait how do you know her last name, I didn't tell you that" I said squeezing my eyes, looking at him. He stood up "Don't be mad, but I did my research, I need to know who this girl is who has my sister whipped" At this I threw a pillow at him "You did what" And so the chase began.

Thursday, 07:00, 7 AM

It was early, but I was ready for school or rather... ready to talk to Clarke. School didn't start for another hour and a half, but I was on my bike, on my way to Clarke's house. I knew she was awake, she always got up at 6.30 AM. She liked to have the time in the morning. "Lex, what are you doing here.... you made it pretty clear that you don't like me the way I like you" She said as soon as she opened the door.

Shit, did she think that, it was absolutely not the case, I liked her, a lot. "Clarke, I want to explain myself, I didn't before..... it hurts to much, but now I want to, you are worth it." She looked convinced at that, let me in and sat on the couch.

"So, I guess I just start telling you" I said a bit more insecure than I would have liked "If you want to, yes" I nodded and took a deep breath... "So, when I was sixteen, I fell in love with this girl...Costia was her name. I had never let anyone, besides Aiden in. I was.. I did with her, and it was amazing, she was everything I wished, I had never felt that good.... We dated for one and a half year.... When we were seventeen. Uhm She uh..."