amantes sunt amentes || Ben Barnes

X

CW; mentions of suicide, ADHD and depression.

-Nyx-

Just five minutes after I got into my relaxing, I got a phone call from my mom. Happy to hear from her again for the first time in a week I picked up with a cheerful 'Hi!'. My mom's tone of voice was soft and sad, so I could immediately tell something wrong. After one certain I just hung up, because I wasn't following her anymore anyway.

'Your little brother has killed himself tonight, dear', after that I couldn't hear anything anymore except for the painful silence in my head, and after that the choking sobs coming out of my mouth. My mom might have muttered something apology-like after that, but I didn't hear her anymore. I just hung up.

It felt like I had been punched in the gut, the air had been kicked out of my lungs an the tears just kept coming and coming. My little brother. My very own little man. Gone.

I should've been there.

I should've protected him.

But I didn't.

And now he was gone forever.

I felt the cold, wooden floor underneath my hands as I crumbled down, since my own limbs couldn't bear the weight of themselves anymore. Everything was blurring away just before I closed my eyes and let everything go.

'Why not me?'
Just kept repeating in my head.

After what felt like hours, I heard someone run into my apartment.

-

-Ben-

I heard a terrifying scream before I just barged into her apartment, forgetting everything I'd done over the past months to to see if she was alright.

As I quickly ran in, I saw Nyx, lying down on the floor, sobbing her heart out.

It was a terrible sight.

After recovering from the shock for a second or two, I quickly paced over to her, dropping everything on the floor, barely taking in the apartment, all of my focus on the girl in front of me.

'hey, hey, shh, I'm here now.', I tried to comfort her, not caring what had happened in the past in this moment. All I cared about right now was getting my girl somewhere better and more comfortable than on the floor.

'Come on let's get you up, shall we?', I asked, silently pleading for consent to hoist my girl up and move her to the couch.

After getting the smallest nod -which some might not even have noticed if you weren't paying attention-, I pulled Nyx up, her almost falling over yet again, but forwards this time. I carefully supported her by putting her arm around my shoulders, and slowly started walking towards the couch.

Her eyes had dried up a bit, so I silently started talking;

'Do you want to talk about it?', I questioned, not being entirely certain of what to do with her. As she shook her head, I just decided it'd be best to be a comforting figure. I wrapped my arms around her again, seeing that she was in the middle of watching some cartoons abut a strange dog that could turn into everything, and his human owner.

-

-Nyx-

After I had realised it was Ben, I wanted to struggle, but honestly, I was just happy to have somebody around, someone who could comfort me. He slowly helped me onto the couch and asked me if I wanted to talk about it.

Was I ready? I felt like it was all my fault. My little brother was gone becase I just couldn't protect him. I had failed. Again. I felt too guilty to already talk about it, it just hurt so bad.