His Confusion

Chapter 19

Albeit ShuYi was surprised seeing Shide awake when he thought  he was sleeping, he couldn't look away from Shide's eyes. He slowly leaned in again for another kiss, their eyes locked as the distance disappeared by each second. He closed his eyes when he was an inch away but that didn't stop him from noticing that Shide turned his head away. ShuYi ended up pecking his cheek.

He pulled back disappointed.

Shide cleared his throat and sat up so they could talk.

"ShuYi,"

"I understand. You don't have to say it."

"No we have to talk."

"It's totally fine. You don't like me the way I like you. We can just stay as friends."

"How do you know that you like me? Because I forced myself on you not only once." Gao Shide raised his voice defensive.

"We made love Gao Shi De. Just you and I." ShuYi countered.

"And I have no memory of it!"

ShuYi was feeling agitated, "You said you're dreaming about it."

Shide was Exasperated, "It could be just dreams."

ShuYi shook his head, "We both know that's not it."

"We can't be sure,"

"Look," ShuYi sighed rubbing his forehead, "I know you're confused about what you're feeling which is understandable given the circumstances but please don't demean my feelings because you're not sure about yours."

"I just want us to be careful ShuYi."

"I am."

"ShuYi, I'm not about to throw our lifetime of friendship because I'm horny and I don't know how to relieve myself." Shide finished so serious.

ShuYi laughed incredulously. "Is that what you think this is!"

"For sure is one of the reasons why all this has been happening."

ShuYi nodded realizing that convincing Shide was not going to work. "I see. So I'll ask for the last time.."

"Please don't." Shide pleaded desperately.

ShuYi looked at Shide and nodded drained. He sat there speechless just staring at him.

"I'll get going then I just wanted to see how you are doing and also bring you dinner.  I was worried but I think you will be fine." He said getting up. "I'll keep on coming to check up on you." He was walking in reverse.

Shide wanted to say something but ShuYi was not giving him a chance. He kept on talking as he walked away,

"About what happened don't think about it much. Just see it as one of your dreams." He finished going out and he didn't miss Shide's voice calling out for him.

The door got shut.

The last statement lingered in Shide's mind.

Just treat it as one if your dreams, ShuYi said before he left. It surprisingly pierced his heart leaving him wanting to explain himself more.

He had called out ShuYi's name one last time before the door closed shut. Shuyi's reactions left him wondering again if he was doing the right thing.

He didn't realize how time flew as he kept on thinking  of what ShuYi had said.

He ate his dinner and took his medicine but sleep wouldn't come. Dr Ern came to monitor his sleeping but Shide's eyes wouldn't close. They talked for a bit about nothing and she left. She checked periodically to see if he was sleeping and it was a few minutes after 1 am that she was called to his room. Shide was screaming for ShuYi. Shide had nurses holding him trying to put him back in his room but he was not having it. As soon as Dr Ern arrived  she called security for help put him back in bed.