His Confusion

Chapter 14

"Doctor What do I do?" A distressed Shuyi asked.

"It's ok. You were conscious when it happened. The fact you allowed it to happen the second time shows that feelings are involved. Tell me what happened when you two had sex. What were you feeling?"

Shu Yi wiped away the tears to explain that night. "It was my first time with a guy." He started timidly, " I was scared but I trusted him even though he was not himself." He vividly remembered how he cursed the voice in his head, "I liked it." He looked at the doctor's face to see some reactions, "It felt right. I would've allowed him the third time if I wasn't feeling sore and hurt. If he had given me more time to recuperate I would have done it again with him."

The doctor didn't have any facial expression when she lightly scolded, "but you know that was wrong, right?"

"I know," he didn't have an excuse.

"I see and that's ok. How about telling him how you feel?"

Shu Yi shook his head, "I don't wanna lose him doc. He is all I have."

"So what do want to do?"

"I'll try to end these feeling before they go far," the lack of determination in his voice said a lot.

"and if they don't end?"

"I'll see it when that time comes."

"Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

"Thank you doc. "

Shu Yi left.

Gao Shide's sleeping became better. He started paying more attention to Shu Yi the following days to clear the awkward air between them. He bought Shu Yi expensive soothing bath oils, and gels. He got him more medication for his back. He bought him nutrients for his body. He would go to Shu Yi's office with lunch even though it was a long drive from the company he worked at.

Shu Yi liked the attention for a moment. He felt kinda special with everything Gao Shi de was doing for him. However, he felt it was too much when one day he got back from work and found some shopping bags in the lounge. As he was putting his work bag down on the couch he saw Gao Shi De coming in the lounge.

"Did you go shopping?" Shu Yi lazily asked loosening the tie on his neck.

"Yes and they're all for you. Figured you might need some new clothes for work." Shi De said going into the kitchen to get some water.

"Gao Shi De, can I have a word with you?" Shu Yi hesitantly called out.

"Is everything ok?" Shi De came back in the lounge room.

"Yes everything is fine. I just want to talk to you about something." Shu Yi said sitting down.

"Ok. You need me to sit?"

"Please." 

Shi De sat down with his glass of water in hand.

"I'm really grateful for everything you've been doing but you don't have to do all this for me. I know you're feeling guilty about what happened but seriously you don't have to do these things." He said playing with his fingers.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

You're making me fall for you. Shu Yi said in his head. In as much as he enjoyed the attention, he had to remind himself why Gao Shi De was being like this. It was out of guilt.

"No it's not that. I'm feeling ok now so you can stop paying more attention to me. Let's just return to how things were." That was impossible and he was aware.