His Confusion

Chapter 18

Gao Shi De sent emails and took a long leave from work. He had done everything urgent. He let them know he would be able to assist whenever he could but nothing too strenuous since he needed to rest.

He packed his stuff including his laptop and some pants and a few clothes just in case. He texted ShuYi before he left.

When he got to the hospital, Dr Ern was busy so he waited. It was around 3pm that Dr Ern came to his office and saw Shide waiting for her.

"It's a surprise to see you here Gao Shide."

"I should've come earlier." He said standing up.

"Why what's wrong?" She asked opening her door and inviting Shide in.

"My meds stopped working." He said walking in and sitting down

"When did they stop?" She asked after settling down.

"About a week or so ago."

"How's your sleep?"

"The same as before." He raised his arms and showed the doctor the bandaged wrists.

"What happened to your wrists?"

"I cuffed myself on the bed."

"Let me see," she asked pushing her chair back and getting her first aid kit.

Shide finished unwrapping both of his wrists. He had taken turns cuffing his wrists every night.

"Why did you feel the need to cuff yourself to bed?"

"I had to protect him." Shide said placing his wrists on the table.

"Coming to get new medication would've been the best solution for protecting him."  The doctor said starting to dress his wounds.

"That's why I'm here," he said solemnly.

"Is there anything else you would like to tell me?" The conversation continued whilst the doctor dressed his wounds.

"I have been dreaming of ShuYi and I being intimate," he started, "The vividness of the dreams makes me think that it's my memory. I don't know what to do so i started stressing about it I stopped sleeping. I was fighting my sexual urges every night and when I started sleeping it started again. ShuYi wants to date his friend's friend and it's a guy and that has been on my mind lately."

"Does it bother you that he wants to date a guy?"

"Yes. If he wants to that's ok. There's nothing wrong with being gay or bi."

"Then it's no." She said wrapping finishing off dressing Shide and placing her box away.

"What?"

"You answered yes when I asked if it bothers you. If there's nothing wrong shouldn't it be no?"

"Oh yeah no."

"It's just you and me here would you like to tell me what your feelings are? Last time you said you could go back to being friends, is that still true?"

"I'm confused."

"Let's untangle the confusion together. Where is the confusion coming from?"

"Firstly, the dreams; are they memories?"

"Most probably."

"Is Shuyi attracted to boys after our encounters?"

"We don't know about that."

"I've seen him look at me. No stare at me. Before my sleep walking started again, he was always staring at me."

"Why do you think he was staring?"