1972

9. Piece Of My Heart

Piece Of My Heart- Erma Franklin

The unwelcomed sun flooded your windows, shining right into your face. You hadn't done your night routine of closing the drapes so the sunlight was hitting you directly in the eyes. You rolled over facing the wall but the damage had already been done, you were awake. The feeling of a pounding headache was there to greet you along with the familiar, once comforting smell, of Philip Zimmerman.

You let out a groan as you pulled your feet to your chest still unable to release the flannel shirt from your grasp. The smell made you want to cry again, it was your physical evidence that not only had he come into your room and made you feel more than you'd ever felt from a man, but he had also left you. Your eyes began to prickle again but you swallowed down the urge to fall apart in favor of your dignity. Pulling yourself out of bed was all you had to do, you kept telling yourself that, and once you got out of bed you could focus on the next task. When that was done, you'd set a new goal and that is how today was going to be. You couldn't think too far ahead with so much going on.

After dressing and washing yourself up you grabbed your bookbag throwing it over your shoulder just before you walked out the door. You had been debating all morning if you wanted to take the flannel with you to class but you had decided against it for two reasons. The first was you didnt want another classmate to notice you had it or that you were giving it back to Flip, they may have questions and there was no innocent way to handle it, and even if they didn't ask they would still talk. The second was you weren't ready to let it go. He had made it abundantly clear that he was done with you, the two of you were no longer friends, so if this was all you had left of him you wanted to cling to it until it hurt a little less. You knew walking into class was going to be an achievement all on its own but sitting there knowing he was just behind you would be the true task of the day. You were determined to get through it. There was no way you were going to let a boy come between you and your degree, your parents had instilled the importance of education in you and you'd been grateful for it. There was nothing you wanted more out of life than to teach other girls that their minds mattered. So you thought of them today, in this moment, not Flip. 

"Good morning." You heard Flip say as he made his way to his seat. His tone was casual, like any other day. You weren't sure if he was talking to you or another classmate but you weren't going to turn around to find out. You kept your face forward nervously picking at your cuticles, and avoiding eye contact. Small conversations roared through the classroom as you all waited for Winford to show up and start his lesson. You'd never wanted a class to start more in your life. It was a test day so not much talking would start once he did, and then you knew you could leave after. You didn't have many plans but you were sure it involved crying into a flannel shirt. "Sunshine." 

The fucking nerve on this guy. 

You didn't move, you couldn't. Your breath even stopped knowing he was talking to you. His hand land on your arm, the pressure and coverage one of his hands offered made your shoulder feel like there was an inferno under his touch that was physically burning your skin. You shrugged your arm making his arm fall to the wayside. "Sunshine." He said again his tone, once cheerful and upbeat suddenly dropped to something you almost couldn't recognize. 

Pain. 

"Morning class." Winford calmed the talking and you counted your lucky stars on his timing. Saved by the pudgy greying man upfront. He passed the tests back and you made quick work of yours, even if it wasn't a perfect score you were more than confident in at least a B. You and Flip were meant to study yesterday but he'd been busy with Bunny, then grinding against your ass, and leaving you to crumble in your own self-despair. When you finished you walked to the front of the class and dropped your paper with Winford before walking back to retrieve your bag, ignoring the stare you felt heavy on your body the entire time. You just wanted to get the hell out of there. It would have been a clean break too if Flip hadn't snaked his foot through the strap of your bag. You tried to pull on it but he just looked up at you with a stone face before looking back at his test, refusing to move. You rolled your eyes again and tried pulling again, this time he just pulled his foot closer to his desk making sure his boot was flat on the ground so you wouldn't have a chance to untangle your belongings. You sat down at your desk with a frustrated puff of air and crossed your arms. This was torture and sitting still in this quiet room with nothing to occupy your time was doing nothing but letting your anger fester. When Flip stood to return his test he lifted your bag and put it on his shoulder to take with him. You rolled your eyes and stood stalking out of the classroom waiting in the hallway for him.