Suddenly

Suddenly Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty Six

Play it Cool

I was perplexed to say the least, I had waited almost all my adult life to see BE again let alone have her kiss my cheek. I know it was just a peck but it bothered me. Maybe bothered isn't the right word, it flustered me and got my chest working again. I had thought I was emotionally dead but it seemed like that peck had jolted me back to life.

This wasn't right though, I had just lost my wife, I was the grieving husband, and I'm not supposed to be romancing with a long lost love. Maybe I was overreacting, maybe it was just a peck, a peck goodbye, and most people hug and kiss when they greet each other, perhaps it was that kind of a kiss.

I had a toddler to take care of and she was a handful. I had no time for romantic day dreams about matters that did not exist. As far as I knew, it was Evana and I against the world, of course I'd need the help of dad and mum too. Havana's mum was also amazing, she was as supportive as any mother would be, she came over on most weekends and I took Evana to her when I had the chance. Havana's mum was always so loving and nurturing in everything she did, she encouraged me and gave me the self belief I needed to be a single dad.

The next day Evana and I went over to my parent's place for lunch. Whilst there my mum brought up the conversation of BE coming over to their place and asking about where I lived. I had told them that BE had come over and helped me with Evana. They looked at me with smirks on their faces. "What are those looks for huh?" I asked them.

"Well son, you're human after all and we both know how much you love BE," said dad. "Loved....Loved BE not Love, its past tense dad," I replied.

I didn't need anyone spinning ideas into my head, especially ideas that were dead and buried.

"I'm a grieving husband Dad, I can't have feelings for another woman, and I've just lost my wife." That was the truth, I hadn't had a full nights' sleep since her death. I would get up around the same time every night, 1:15am, and usually it was after a nightmare of the scenes of that horrific night. I wasn't ready to let go of her just yet, I doubt I ever will.

"She's your first love son," my mum added.

"Who was my first love?" I asked bluntly.

"Mum that period of my life is over and I dedicated my life to my wife and our future but God took her away, I went through so much after BE left me, you guys know exactly what I went through," I said.

That's when my dad spoke up and gave me some advice. He said, "son, I know you're hurting, because you've lost your wife and I know it must hurt to see the love of your life walk back into your life the day your wife dies, call it coincidence but God works in mysterious ways sometimes. He knows that you're broken and you need someone to help you put back the broken pieces. Look I'm not saying forget Havana, all I'm saying is, give it time, don't shut the door on BE. I think she's changed and she knows that she made a huge mistake letting you go back then."

I remained silent and let his words sink in a bit, maybe he was right and maybe God had brought her back into my life to help me at this time. Just then mum called for the table to be set for dinner, Evana had her bottled milk and fell asleep in her carriage.

Dad, mum and I had a nice pot roast with good conversation and a few overdue laughs. Dad was always the chirpy type and he always found a way to cheer me up. Nobody had spoken about my love life or romantic interests. Before the night was done I had a smile on my face and I was feeling a bit better about life.

Just as mum was about to dish dessert my phone pinged, it was a text from BE, she way just checking in on me and wanted to know if everything was alright. I had no clue as to what my facial expressions were when I read telephonic texts but when I looked up my parents were both staring at me with silly grins on their faces.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing son, I just hope your face lights up that way when I text you," dad commented.

"It takes you half an hour to send me a simple text dad" I replied and we all laughed.

I enjoyed being with my parents, Reece and Jesse had moved out a while back and they have their own families to attend to so dad and mum are by themselves most days.

On my drive home I got a call from BE, I was surprised that she'd called; she wanted to have lunch with Evana and I the next day. I reluctantly agreed and told her we'll meet her at the restaurant around 1pm.

I knew this wasn't a date or anything and besides who takes their daughter along on a date. It was just lunch with an old friend, that's what I kept telling myself. Even though I knew it was just lunch, somehow I was excited about it and I couldn't get my mind off thinking about it. Every bone in my body knew that it was going to be a challenge for me to just remain friends with BE, or keep my feelings at bay.

The next morning Evana and I got ready for our lunch meeting with BE, it was a gloomy rainy day and we still had a few hours more until we had to meet her at the restaurant. Evan was giving me a difficult time that morning, perhaps she didn't want me seeing another woman I thought.

Around 11:30am the doorbell rang and on the other side stood BE. She smiled broadly as I opened the door; she had bags of goodies in her hand saying that she felt that it wasn't good weather for a baby to go outside. Well she was right, I invited her in and we started preparing lunch together.

Evana sat in her carriage, she had an interested look on her face as she watched BE and I get the food ready. BE was fun in the kitchen, we worked so well together, and we joked with each other a lot. We had great banter and I hated to admit it but I wasn't angry with her anymore. For many years I had been holding onto the hurt and the pain she had caused me. I always felt that she took the best years of my life away, I sat by waiting for her all day and night, and she was the only girl I thought of. Those years after high school were the loneliest without her.

I couldn't show her how I felt; I had to play it cool. Mac and cheese was on the menu, I wasn't a master chef or anything but I wasn't a slouch in the kitchen either. BE was quick at chopping stuff and she was graceful in her movements in the kitchen, I was a guy and I spilled and dropped things in my path. She quietly cleaned up behind me and made a joke of it, she made me feel comfortable in her own way.

Lunch was ready in forty minutes and in between the cooking BE fed Evana and changed her and put her to sleep. She was brilliant at multi-tasking; it felt really good to have the afternoon off baby duty. We sat down to a warm lunch on that cold rainy day, I turned for just a moment to watch the rain stream down the kitchen window and I realized that I was happy after a very long time. I hadn't thought of Havana's death all day, and I wasn't feeling guilty about it.

We almost said nothing during eating, but we glanced at each other a few times and smiled at each other.