Suddenly

Suddenly Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

My Driving Force

"Time and tide waited for no man", I had seen that written on a poster on my grade six classroom wall. It was a slogan that never left me. Those words reminded me that there was a call for me to start earning some money and building my life. I had to start somewhere, so I got a job at a furniture factory a few miles away from home. Dad would drop and fetch me from work.

This wasn't the ideal job but I wanted the exposure, to feel the real world and to experience what life was about. Carrying large cupboards was my job. Ready made cupboards would come of the assembly line and I had to cart it to the next station which was roughly about ten meters away.

It was physically exhausting but my mind was strong and I had a never say die attitude. To pass the time I would think of that night when I danced with BE, I'd replay each moment in my head, frame by frame, savoring the feeling of her arms around me, her scent in my lungs and her breath on my neck. Nothing seemed to get me down with those thoughts alive in me, that was my happy thought and I could achieve anything with that happy thought.

A few weeks had passed and dad had me stop working at that factory because it wasn't financially profitable for him or me. So I looked for other odd jobs at different factories and companies. Dad's friends would optimistically try to set me up with employment at places that they had connections at but I'd last just a few days or nights at these places. Everything felt uncomfortable; I walked into the wrong jobs time after time.

Some say I was fortunate to find employment as quick as I did but I thought I was unlucky to find the wrong employment. I hated the alarm clock reminding me that I had to be somewhere that I didn't really want to be. I wanted to do something that interested me and made me feel like I was contributing to the world.

Life was tough but I expected the unexpected. I realized that I needed a formal education if I were to get ahead. The bread business wasn't going to cut it either, I needed a bigger slice of the pie. I began to sell some of my stuff to make the tuition fee for a nursing course. I enrolled and got accepted and began my lectures. I was surrounded by exuberant amounts of estrogen; this was a female dominated world which I had entered in to. I was at a disadvantageous numeric position but I was now a commodity, a well sought after prize.

Being surrounded by women in each nursing lecture didn't deter me from thinking of BE, nobody could and would ever come close to her, they'd try but they'd fall abysmally short in every department. I'd come in, attend my lectures and leave, it was purely educational to me, I had no interest in any extra-curricular activities that my alumni had to offer.

After completing my first year and needed money for the next. Things were getting tougher for me, I was running out of things to sell, I needed a plan B. Reece had now finished his grade twelve year and was enrolled in a teaching internship at a very good school. He had a fully paid ride; the internship paid for his tuition and gave him a small salary as well.

A spot on the internship program had come up and he asked me if I would be interested in signing up. I was already a year into my nursing degree and it would mean me restarting a new career choice. It was a tough decision but I was in a desperate situation. I thought long and hard about it, being a teacher would have its perks as well, the hours were great and the vacation periods were lengthy. So I signed up at the last day of registration and began to climb my way into the teaching world.

The internship required Reece and I to move from school to school every year, we'd experience the teaching culture in different schools and gain valuable experience whilst still completing our degrees. Teaching and studying kept me occupied and it restricted my thoughts of BE.

There was just one thing I was adamant in asking God for and that was BE. One hot summer night back in 99 I found myself restlessly tossing in my bed, thoughts of BE being with someone else was slowly killing me. So that night I made a pact with God, I told Him that if He gives BE to me, as a girlfriend and then wife, I'd tell the world that it was Him that blessed me but if He wasn't going to give her to me than He should take me away now. I shut my eyes for a few seconds in anticipation that I was going to be taken away that moment.

Years had passed since then and I was still alive and well. Did this mean that He was still going to give her to me? I knew God was like a farmer, who planted seeds and our faith and hope was the water to these seeds. Maybe it was still going to be some time before I would receive my harvest.

I wasn't ready for a relationship though, I was not financially secure and without any formal education yet. I had to establish myself during this time in order for me to be ready for when the moment would arrive for me to see her again. I began to work hard at my studies to become a teacher and my results were always good. I was finally doing something right and getting somewhere, somewhere that BE would be proud of.

It's strange how she was still the wind beneath me, pushing me to further heights even though she was not physically there. Maybe I had lost her forever, maybe she was in a serious relationship or even married by now, whatever it was and wherever she was, my heart was her home.

I did things as if she was watching me like she'd watch me years ago, when I played football or ran a sprint. Just the thought of her watching me made me push myself more. She was my driving force to succeed.

My thoughts drifted to BE, I wondered what she'd be doing and how her campus life was treating her. I remembered the last time that we had spoken and she had asked me never to come see her again. These thoughts drove me further to desire to be a better man. I had to show myself approved.

Time didn't wait for me and I was at the bus stop of life waiting on my next ride. Passing all my exams for my teaching degree proved difficult but not impossible. My grades were great and I was on course for my graduation soon. Finding a decent teaching job wouldn't be hard to find after getting my teaching degree.

Being a teacher began to grow on me, I loved being around kids and in the school environment. I missed school and being around my friends especially BE.