soft clouds, crystal skies

1 | all those years ago

Now I sit in the recesses of the night
The kitchen is dim, no people in sight
Your shadow hung by the dark window sill
The scent of the past lingered in the air, still
Love, what if heaven is made to be so daft
Must it tear us from the root, from the shaft?
The forgotten notes, I have taken for granted
Stuck in the days of old, too happy and blessed
Because after the night wind comes the sun
After the cup of coffee comes work to be done
Of endless toil and relentless floods to endow
I realized life is easy and light all those years ago

Now I sit with the silence of the memory left
The pictures, the smiles, the sparkles in theft
Only now did I walk the path you have taken
Which you have told me you've faced yet again
Heart grieved, heavy as gems that lost worth
What is there in life except for contempt of sort?
So, darling, we've arrived at a crossroad ahead
What have I chosen, what have you done instead?
Phones ring and here our story has come to end
The next day, you've gone around hell's bends
Only then did I realize the seeds I did sow
Cruel hatred—you held it in all those years ago

If I could ask you this one more thing
Was it your heart or was your life not to your liking?
This journey, this path we are taking in the present
Tell me, did you think we could have done decent?
So what have we to fix—what did we lose?
Whose fault is it that you've spent nights with booze?
To escape, to break free—it's all you wanted
So you took the road you thought would have you jaded
Was it me, then—tell me what I have to do to atone
Because I'm scared of spending another night alone
But it's too late, isn't it? I can't have done anything so
It was clear you never gave your heart all those years ago

Why did I see you drowning in your spite
Back then, when I thought you've won your fight
Why didn't I look further than the sparkle in your eyes
Shining with hope only to churn, underneath, with lies?
Years go by, just to grow weary of our stride
I never understood what is it you've had to hide
You went through so much in your aim to be free
And if I'm not that freedom, I truly am sorry
So the song is done, the final line is at last said
Darling, we could have seen roads to where they led
But now I fold my hands—where, now, should I go
As I realize I wasted the chances I had all those years ago

Well, this is the first poem of this type that I have written for three months. Oof.

This talks about the hurt and the regret of not being able to do enough for the people we love. They get tired. They get full. And when they leave, they didn't tell us anything. That kind of hurt was something I've known too well. Friendships and relationships die all of a sudden. You stop talking. The next moment, everything you've built together is just...gone.

That's what this poem is about. It tackles the thoughts of the one that's left, wondering if there was something they could have done to at least save the relationship. The thing is, there is something we could have done. We're just too blind and deaf to notice.

And that blindness and deafness are what blossoms in your heart. That's what this poem's conclusion was. We couldn't have done anything but if we wished we could turn back time, we would choose to do something else.

But...we can't.

(I am aware I promised light poems in this collection but...weeeeeee.)