Orphaned Mystery: Case Unsolved

Chapter 4 (Continued)

Day 3 (9th January 2021, Wednesday)

4:32 pm

"20/12/2020
Sunday
OK. So this is my first time writing in a... diary (the twins can't know about this).  I heard that writing your thoughts in a book is like sharing your feelings with a person – only, you can control whether anyone else can be in on it or not. Since I'm having some problems of my own right now, I decided to try it. Well, here it goes.
Recently I have been becoming distant towards my siblings. I don't think it's safe to write about it in case somebody else gets their hands on this. But I have been given a choice between something I really long for (I didn't know it is still here), and something I already have. It is getting really confusing and the worst part is that I am under a time limit. In exactly 11 – 12 days (by New Year), if I don't give an answer, I might as well lose everything. I really don't know what to do. But I can't talk about it to anyone. It's a problem they can't solve. So I'm kinda freaking out right now and I don't even know how to stop it. I have lost a lot of sleep over it and even tried skipping dinner to attempt to get some shut eye. No luck. It's getting so frustrating. Like I said before, I can't share my current situation with anyone – not even... Marie-Lou. So I am hopelessly stuck right now.
So... yeah that's it.
Wow. This actually works, I can't believe it. It is actually helping.
So I am going to bed right now and yes, I am skipping dinner again. I lost my appetite along with my usual sense of sleep.
Yours truly,
Freddie Lorenz (defined as a person in desperate need of help)"

"22/12/2020
Tuesday
Today I got into a fight with Wendy. She isn't talking to me and I am not talking to her. I don't know why but I act like I don't care but I really, really, really, REALLY want to tell her everything right now. She usually is my problem solver. But if I tell her, something bad is going to happen. I can't really explain it. Urgh. This is soooo annoying. I want to scream, but I don't think that's gonna solve anything. I keep arguing with everyone now. I don't think anyone – even Jackie and the twins – trust me anymore. Yesterday I scolded Jackie just for coming inside my room without thinking. He was pretty upset about it. I don't blame him – but if he found out what I have done and what I have to do, he would... I don't even know what his reaction will be.
I wish I never made the deal I made a few days back. It's driving me nuts. I can't stand it anymore. Days are whizzing by. My time is running out. I have to make a choice. I feel super drowsy but I can't fall asleep. I have skipped dinner for at least the hundredth time now. The rest are eating down. They don't even bother about calling me nowadays. I want to escape it, but if I choose the wrong path, I am going to lose something really valuable and go insane with regret. I tried drawing in the sketch book Ashley gave me for my birthday this year to calm myself down, but the thoughts never fade away. I end up drawing things related to my situation and it makes me feel even worse. As a result, I start scribbling on the walls with every single pencil, pen, marker, paint I have to color my frustration. I start crying and yelling and throwing tantrums. I feel eight years old again.
*insert screaming here*
I knew I should not have been so loud. Logan came inside just now to see how I was doing. I sent him out though. But my head was yelling "NOOOO WAIT! PLEASE! DON'T GO! I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU!" It's like I am two different people now. I feel like I am going insane. I am trying to keep my head out from what is yet to come. But it is so NOT working. This is really hard to handle by myself. I want – no, need – someone for support right now. I need help.
OK so I have to go to bed now – in other words, lie down on my bed and attempt to push the voices out of my head until my mind gets the hint and lets me rest for about five minutes. Wow, my life is... just... wow.
Yours truly,
Freddie Lorenz"