In These Arms [mxm]

Chapter 4 - Composure

Chanyeol adjusted himself on the seat and leaned back to look up at the sky. Though I couldn't hear it, I could see his shoulders lift then relax into a sigh. What was his expression like? What was he thinking? I wanted to see his face and know his thoughts, and I wanted to close this distance between us. Seven years was a long time, but our fifteen years was even longer.

Even though I was like this now, I had to muster up the courage to approach. Other than the maintenance crew working out here in the yard, Chanyeol and I were the only ones here. Four days ago, he must've been in great shock when he saw me and didn't know how to react. But enough time has passed that I felt like it was okay to approach him again. With a deep breath, I shook my arms and legs for a burst of energy then hobbled unsteadily down the steps. My coordination still wasn't great, but I could walk more independently now.

The steps lead me to the side of him, so I stepped around and made sure I came into full view first so as not to startle him. He didn't notice me standing here at first. I took this opportunity to look at his face while his eyes were closed as he basked in the sunlight. He'd grown into his height and masculine features so nicely. His slicked hair didn't tussle even though he was holding his head back like this.

He always enjoyed the sunlight, but I felt like something had changed this time. There was no smile in his closed eyes. No upper curvature of his lips. His brows were furrowed, as if disturbed by something. He looked so stressed, that all I wanted to do was run my fingers through his hair, kiss his forehead, and tell him that it would be okay. That whatever it was, we'd get through it together.

A small smile spread on his lips as his tense features softened. For a moment, I couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking the same thing as me. I watched him sigh, lower his head, then open his eyes and look straight at me. My breath caught in my throat when his eyes widened at the sight of me. He straightened up before moving to stand, brows suddenly furrowed as he began to glare at me.

Wait, was he about to leave?

"W-wait, Chanyeol­­–– wait a minute." I rushed forward and squared in on him so that he couldn't leave. He was always taller than me, except for when we were kids, so him looming over me never intimidated me like this. But with the cold glare in his eyes, and the amount of muscle and sheer size he'd packed around himself, I felt myself grow small in front of him. Even after seven years, it's not like he'd ever hurt me, right?

I shrank back a little, but not enough to let him pass me.

"Let's talk, hm?" I said, gesturing back to the seat he just stood up from.

"Why are you here so early?" he asked, folding his arms as he stared down at me. "Visiting hours haven't even started yet."

"Actually, my roommate's family have already visited even though it's this early."

His shoulders and expression tensed. "Of course you're living with someone," he mumbled, as if he didn't mean for me to hear it.

"Well, that's a strong word given the circumstances," I said, scratching my head, "but things would be a lot more uncomfortable if I wasn't." I gestured to the seats again, respecting the distance between us, I didn't attempt to touch him or coax him back. He needed to move on his own volition, or to simply demand I move out of his way. "Please, sit."

He sighed and sat back down, going still when I moved to sit beside him. The birds and cicadas sung harmoniously, creating a beautiful soundtrack that didn't fit this awkward and uncomfortable narrative. Everything felt out of place, even our entire environment. If I were to respond to this situation based on the music being played by nature, then it'd be the perfect moment for me to leap into his arms, hold his cheeks in my hands and kiss him tenderly. But instead, I sat here timid and shrinking into the concrete bench beneath us.