Disequilibrium

Part 1: Freshman Year - Scene 4

The world always tells you to be cheerful. Not once in my life have I not seen a sign, or a slogan, or a goddamn picture on the streets saying don't worry, be happy. But the thing is, the bastards who make those corny slogans are forgetting one important thing: humans are nosy as fuck. So no matter how hard you smile or how happy you pretend to be, you'll always see what's in your neighbour's yard. And you'll always be jealous.

So in reality, what I'm doing isn't bad at all. It's survival of the fittest, and I'm just claiming what is rightfully mine. Casper doesn't deserve to ignore me for an entire week just for some misunderstanding at a hardware store. That could've looked like anything to anyone. Yet no matter how many times I smile and wave at him in the halls, he ignores me like a bad plague.

It doesn't hurt like it's supposed to. I got him laughing once anyway, so it won't be hard to do it again. I'm a good player, after all. A king in this goddamn play.

But Casper's the god.

Click. I buy another pair of shoes. Last week were black runners, but these are nice dress shoes in case I get lucky. I'm not being selfish though. I also got some shirts and pants for Dad since those stained ones are making me sick.

I shut down our old laptop and slip on my new shoes, slinging my backpack over my shoulders. The walk to the bus stop isn't so bad now that my feet are comfortable. Who could see the bad in that?

The kids at the stop don't notice them though. That's all right; I don't need them to. I figure since they aren't as rich as the others, they don't need to waste time picking on me. It's either that or the fact that there aren't many kids in my grade around.

The older they get, the less they care. I've made that observation with just a few months of being in high school.

It's too early in the morning for some jibes to be thrown at me, so the walk to my locker is peaceful. I take out my books from my bag with a subtle smile on my face, knowing that by the time I get home, there will be new things to spend money on. Soon enough, I'll be on par with him. Two gods walking among the sheep.

"O'Donovan," says a voice behind me. "We need to talk."

I don't need to turn around to know who that voice belongs to. Still smiling, I put the books I need in my bag, shut my locker, and turn to follow my love straight through the halls.

People are staring. My smile grows wider.

Casper leads me to my staircase, walking up only one flight of stairs before stopping. I clear my throat; it echoes through the room. "I'm real confused, you know. At one moment you're talking like we're best buddies, then the next you forget my existence. Is this how friendship works? Because I might need a manual."

Casper lets out a light laugh, but it isn't friendly. It brings a cold feeling with it, something that makes goose bumps sprout from my skin.

"I'm not here to joke around, Holden," he says. "You know, I actually thought you were pretty cool. I ignored all the rumours they said about you and was willing to give you a shot. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe people aren't spewing pure bullshit when it comes to you."

I move up the staircase so I'm standing beside him, trying to get a good look of his eyes. But he's looking down, and nothing can hide that deep frown stuck on his face.

"I don't get what you're saying," I tell him innocently enough, still smiling. "Why do you look so mad? What did I do wrong?"

Casper grits his teeth. I can see it from the way his jaw sets at an awkward angle. "Where'd you get those shoes?"