Tired. That's all I ever was anymore. The past two weeks I could barely get myself out of bed. I haven't been hungry. Haven't been thirsty. My stomach ached constantly and my head could not stop pounding. Some of my pain was alleviated when I felt a gentle kiss placed on my forehead. My eyes couldn't help but flutter open as my lips curled into a smile at the sight of my loving husband.
"Good morning, beautiful," Mike whispered softly. Every breath that he let out against my skin sent chills through my body.
"Good morning," I said tiredly.
"Are you feeling any better today?" Mike asked.
I shook my head as I closed my eyes for a few seconds.
"I'm sorry, baby," he pouted. "You know, I was thinking...and don't get all upset with me for asking but have you had that time of the month yet? Because what if you're-"
"Pregnant?" I cut him off. "I was wondering the same thing. I don't know honestly. I guess it could be a possibility."
"Maybe you should go to the doctor, Care," he suggested. "Whether you might be or not there's something wrong obviously. I don't want my Princess feeling like this."
I couldn't help but smile stupidly at his caring reply. "Okay."
"You go back to sleep while I go call the doctor," Mike instructed giving me a real kiss before leaving me in the bedroom as I drifted off to sleep.
A few hours later, Mike had to leave for practice and the girls were at school. My doctor's appointment was set up for that afternoon so I hurried to get ready and was out the door on my way. When I got there, it didn't take long for them to call my name. They guided me to a room where a doctor greeted me not long after.
"How are you today Mrs. Fisher?" Dr. Lang asked kindly.
"Alright," I answered.
"I hear you haven't been feeling well. What are your symptoms?" she asked me.
"Well, I'm tired all the time. Headache, stomach ache, dizziness, I missed my period, haven't eaten," I listed.
"How about we get some blood work from you to see what's going on," she suggested.
I didn't really like needles. I really didn't like needles. But I manned up and went through it anyways. I had to wait thirty minutes before Dr. Lang came back in and she came back rather hesitantly which made me nervous immediately.
"Carrie, I really hate to tell you this but it seems that your white blood cell count is quite low. There's a possibility that it's cancerous. We need to get tests ran within the next couple of days," Dr. Lang informed me.
At that moment, I totally froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. I didn't know what to do. This couldn't be happening. Not to me. Why God, did you choose me? I'm not strong enough to fight this. I know I wouldn't be able to do this. My jumbled thoughts finally stopped when I realized that Dr. Lang was still in the room. "What kind is it?"
"It could be leukemia," Dr. Lang answered. She answered a lot of my questions that day. A lot of my concerns. She told me a bunch of extra stuff to. All while doing so I couldn't help but fight back tears.
A while after my appointment was over, I made my way to the car and drove home unable to control my crying. I pulled up to the driveway to see an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway. At that point though, I wasn't paying much attention and just decided to ignore it. I opened the door to the house and walked through the living room to see a sight I most definitely was not expecting to see.
"What the hell," I said. Some guy was on top of my little girl fully making out when she was supposed to be at school.
"Oh my God," Charlotte pushed the guy off as her cheeks started to turn bright red. She looked at me guiltily and knew she was in trouble. Major trouble.
"I'm so sorry," the guy apologized to me.
"Just get out!" I yelled as tears were still pouring from my face from the news I received earlier that afternoon. This was not helping one bit. The random guy ran out of the house speeding out of the driveway.
"Mama, I'm sorry," Charlotte apologized.
"Damn it, Charlotte, I don't want to hear it. I don't have time to deal with this right now," I sobbed.
"Mama, I'm sorry. I messed up. Just please forgive me," she started to cry as well. I think she thought I was crying about what just happened when really I wasn't. My normal self would have been angry and furious. But at that moment I just couldn't take it. I ran upstairs to my bedroom, locking myself in there to be alone.
I had fallen asleep but was awoken hours later with Mike banging on the door. "Care, you in there?"
"Hold on," I said slowly pulling off the covers and getting out of bed. I made my way to the door and opened it to reveal a concerned husband waiting out in the hall.
"Are you okay?" Mike asked. I could feel that my eyes were still puffy and they stung from shedding so many tears. Mascara was probably all over my cheeks. I couldn't hide from him. I couldn't get my words out so I just decided to shake my head and hide my face into his chest. After I thought I had cried all of my tears out, a new batch came flowing in.
It was about an hour that I just laid in his arms in our bed tangled up in one another as I just cried. I didn't even say anything. But with Mike I never had to. He just knew. But there was some things that he didn't know. He deserved to know. He had to.
"Mike..." I finally spoke up. "I have to be tested for cancer."
Mike didn't say anything at first. I think he had to process what I just said. I felt his muscles tighten up. He took a large gulp before he spoke again, "For what kind?"
"Leukemia," I answered quietly.
"When?" he asked.
"Two days."
He took a deep breath. I could feel him taking this hard. I didn't even have to look at him to feel his sadness. He held me tight and brought me in closer. His voice shook a little when he told me, "I'm not letting you go. I can't and I won't."
