Abnegation Life - (Divergent Fanfic)

Chapter 4

Marcus leaves for work earlier than my father so I know he isn't home. I knock on their door. "Tobias! Are you there?" I ask then see the doorknob turn. "Tris?" He asks in confusion. "I need to talk to you," I say and invite myself in. "What happened?" "I lost it. I'm going to be factionless. My parents hate me. This was all a big mistake." I blurt. Tobias looks calm and Tobias guides me to the couch. "Slow down. Tell me what happened." He tells me, taking a seat himself. "Did you have breakfast?" "No! That's what started all of this. I told my mom about Caleb because I was acting weird at dinner and excused myself from the table which is against the rules so this morning I went downstairs and my dinner plate was in the place of my breakfast and I just lost it when my mom started lecturing me about understanding and I noticed I don't belong here. Tobias, I made a big mistake. This isn't where I belong I don't want to act in a certain way just because everyone around me says to it just isn't right!"

My speech makes me breathless and Tobias looks at the ground the way my mother did yesterday when she was thinking. As I look at him I notice his eyes. He has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. Deep blue and a little mysterious. Like he's hiding something behind them. "I think you're right. We shouldn't just be selfless, or just brave. We should do all of it without being judged. But we can't. It doesn't work like that around here." A tear falls down my cheek but I quickly wipe it away. "I know." I reply. "I don't think you'll be factionless Tris. Don't stress too much." He says and moves over to sit beside me. "I know. I just wish I knew things would turn out like this on the choosing ceremony." If only I had really followed my heart and chose to be free. "We all wish we can change the past sometimes. But we can't. That's why we make up for our mistakes." He says. For once I feel like we are talking to each other like normal people. Yet, for some reason, he feels like a stranger to me right now. Tobias and I have never had a conversation like this before. "We don't belong here Tobias," I tell him. "I know," he replies. 

We stare into each others eyes in silence. I want to break the silence but can't find the right words. We are closer than I have ever even seen my parents be. Closer than I've ever seen any Abnegation be. At some point our heads moved closer. So close I can feel his hot breath on my face. Affection is not to be shown in Abnegation. It scares me because I have been wary of this my whole life. I know what might happen but I hesitate. Do I want this? Is this even allowed? My chest tightens as I wait for what will happen next. I've never been this scared and excited before. Then he closes the gap between us and kisses me. 

My eyes widen. I like Tobias but I never really thought about us. Or if he liked me. Or about liking him at all. Until now. "I knew you were different from the start." He says. "I know you are too," I tell him. He smiles. Actually smiles. It's a rare moment. "Want to be kind, brave, selfless, smart, and honest together now?" He offers me his hand and I take it. "Okay." I say and smile back. "But you lack the kindness just a bit." I tell him. "I'm working on it," He says with a laugh. "You should go back home now. Before the police accuses me of kidnapping you," We get up and walk to the door. "You should laugh more, it looks good on you," I say. Then I walk out the door without looking back. I don't need to look back to know he's smiling, though. I feel it. Maybe choosing Abnegation was a mistake. But at least I can say there are some good things that came out of it.

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I hold the doorknob of my house for a while before turning it. My parents are sitting at the table with worried looks on their faces. They turn around immediately when I open the door. "Beatrice! Do you know what you put us through? You cannot storm out like that! What were you thinking?" I know my mother is telling me what's right and she only wants what's best for me so instead of yelling back I just tell her, "I'm sorry,". Her face calms and she just looks at me. My father too. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I don't know what got into me. It won't happen again." there is silence for a few seconds so I go up to them and give them a hug. This is rare for our family since Abnegation barely touch each other. But they hug me back. And I am grateful to have such forgiving parents. The moment reminds me of why I chose Abnegation in the first place.