enigmatic |t.r.|

10.

oscar tried to hold her hand the next day.

she looked into his eyes and saw everything she avoided seeing in a very long time.

every touch, every kiss, every smile, they all led to this moment, to the look of love and adoration in his eyes.

she snapped out of his grasp, like fire had burned her tired skin,

but the sad look in his eyes left a more permanent mark in her heart than a couple of flames would ever leave.

she was the daughter of destruction and pain but she could never get used to the pain in her chest when he looked at her like that.

she wanted to break her ribcage in two, bruised skin be damned and hand him her heart,

give it to him to keep or break,

she didn't really care, she just wanted him to have it.

but she couldn't allow herself this pleasure,

the pleasure of being quietly broken by him,

the pleasure of being silently devoured by his affection.

she needed to keep him away from her because it was all she could ever do for him.

she could keep him safe, away from her.

she was cursed, just not the kind of dark magic people usually expect when they hear the word.

she was cursed by touch, she was cursed to feel pain every time someone dared to come closer and touch her in any way.

and she didn't care about pain, but part of the curse was pain for the other person as well

and she didn't want her pain near him because she couldn't save herself but maybe she could save him.

she was cursed by her own mind, whispering to her that she couldn't have what the heart desired

and what a stupid heart it was

to continue desiring like pain was nothing, like she could afford to be broken, like she wasn't already bruised and tired and sad and miserable and-

oscar would understand, he needed to understand.

please

she said and she didn't know if she was pleading for him to let her go or to never let her go at all.

please

he said back and she could feel the desperation in his voice and she knew what please meant "please don't leave i think i might die if you leave."

please don't make me stay because i will but i can't.

she whispered

and something in his eyes changed.

and his lips were formed into a sad smile and maybe he was holding back a tear or two but he wasn't holding her back this time.

please don't look back when you're gone because i'll put you in my arms and keep you with me forever and i shouldn't but i will.

and she nodded and she left and every step she took reminded her of the love in the eyes of a boy she shouldn't want but she did anyway.

and he was a true gryffindor, brave at heart and noble, because he loved her and he still let her go because love was never for her.

she was born for pain and pain only.

and she wanted to die for love but she didn't.